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Original poster

Who is unreasonable here? Wedding related (sigh)

41 replies

PayingMyWayYouSay · 08/07/2017 10:35

I have 4 very young bridesmaids at my wedding.

Getting their dresses (all 4) has been a nightmare as different sizes were available at different times (Monsoon).

Thankfully, the last dress, was finally available around two weeks ago and we ordered it there and then to be delivered to the store. It is for DP's niece.

Fast track to last night and I mentioned in fleeting to mum and Nan that I think the dress has been collected by MIL but I'm not 100%. DP said that she'd said the day before she needed to collect it.

When asked what would happen if it got sent back and became unavailable (we have about 4 weeks to go until the big day), I said I couldn't have bridesmaids then as leaving one little girl out, who is excited to join in with my 2 DSis of similar ages, isn't fair. Mum agreed, Nan said nothing.

We were staying at my Nan's last night.

This morning, I went downstairs and she pulled me into the living room, saying she was thinking about what I said last night.

She said what was I going to do if worst come to the worst and it gets back to etc etc? I said I don't think we should talk about it as I know we will disagree and it's not necessary to get worked up (Nan is very angst and very strongly opinionated and forceful), about as MIL is in town today picking it up.

She said "OKAY I WONT FUCKING SPEAK THEN, I WILL JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT"

I said come on Nan, please don't be this way. It's getting picked up today. But really, if niece couldn't have her dress then I can hardly have her little sister as a bridesmaid, plus my sisters, how upset do you think she'd be?

She said "WELL OVER £150 HAS BEEN SPENT ON THE DRESSES ETC. SHE DID HAVE THE DRESS BUT MIL DID NOT PICK IT UP IN TIME. FUCKING RIDICULOUS THAT MIL HAS NOT PICKED IT UP YET".

I went upstairs crying. DP reminds me that she is often like this (very angst), and to try and ignore her.

But maybe I am in the wrong for thinking I couldn't have bridesmaid at all if niece couldn't be bridesmaid? I just don't know.

OP posts:
MsHopey · 08/07/2017 10:38

I can totally see what your saying regarding leave people out. Its not DN fault if the dress hasn't been collecting on time and she shouldn't have to suffer. But then neither should the other 3 girls who are also likely very excited. Keeping my fingers crossed that the dress is collected and perfect for you.

RandomDent · 08/07/2017 10:38

Too many what ifs. Weddings are stressful enough without adding to it. If the dress isn't collected, think about it then. Breathe :)

Nikephorus · 08/07/2017 10:39

You're having an argument about a situation that is unlikely to happen given that the dress is at the shop & being picked up today?!
You're both unreasonable - her for having a tantrum, you for not just saying "I'll make sure MIL has picked up the dress" and even mentioning other possibilities in earshot of someone with a temper!

Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 08/07/2017 10:40

Exactly! Too many what ifs indeed Smile My Nan will not entertain the idea of going with the flow though. She is incredibly pessimistic in a sense that thinking ahead, of the worst scenarios, is her area of expertise.

She always wants answers about what you'd do in each situation and gets angry when you don't give a correct answer

OP posts:
Polly99 · 08/07/2017 10:41

Talk about meeting trouble halfway! The dress is being collected and there isn't -currently- any problem at all. Even if an issue does materialise, no one ever died from mismatching bridesmaids.
Sounds like you're all a bit overwrought and need a nice big glass of wine.

ginnybag · 08/07/2017 10:43

Worst comes to worst, pick a complementary dress for her and one other (the two oldest?) and have two and two.

You're right that you can't leave one out. Your also right that your Nana is just causing drama

Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 08/07/2017 10:43

Polly would love one. 6 month in utero DS may not though Grin

OP posts:
Polly99 · 08/07/2017 10:44

Give yours to your Nan then!

Redglitter · 08/07/2017 10:44

Why are you even giving this so much as a passing thiught. The dress is waiting to he collected so why would it all go wrong. I honestly can't see why this is any kind of issue

FoxSticks · 08/07/2017 10:45

All sounds a but bonkers to me. Surely you'd just get different for all so no little girls are disappointed.

kmc1111 · 08/07/2017 10:46

Your gran sounds like she's trying to create a whole big drama, but you could still have bridesmaids if you don't have the dress. It won't be the end of the world if one girl wears something different.

FoxSticks · 08/07/2017 10:47

Sorry. Trying to type with a hangover.

All sounds a bit bonkers to me. Surely you'd just get different dresses for all, so no little girls are disappointed.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 08/07/2017 10:50

so you are all falling out about IF a dress that is ordered is not collected?
Just phone MIL and check! It really is that simple.
And stop telling your Nan things if you know she is the sort to make a three act play, a drama and a crisis out of nothing.

for goodness sake you must all want something to do with your time!

ThunderAndFrightening · 08/07/2017 10:52

YABU for saying you couldn't have bridesmaids just because one might have to have to anslightly different dress.

Your nan IBU for causing drama over something that hasn't even happened yet.

ALittleMop · 08/07/2017 10:53

If worst came to worst she could just wear something else, couldn't she?

The problem isn't the bridesmaid dress scenario its Nan vs MIL and Nan vs the world.

Sciurus83 · 08/07/2017 10:54

Mountain from a molehill a bit here! The dress is ordered and there, no issues. If there is just get another one, better they don't match than disappoint all the girls, bit dramatic to say you'd not have any bridesmaids if the dresses didn't all match.

Your nan's a drama llama.

She said "OKAY I WONT FUCKING SPEAK THEN, I WILL JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT"

And your response..."Perfect, you do that"...walk away....Wink

yorkshapudding · 08/07/2017 10:56

I don't get it.

The dress has been ordered, is at the store waiting to be collected and MIL is collecting it today, right? Unless MIL has form for being unreliable, I don't see an issue. Even if MIL did let you down, surely you or any other family member just pops down to the store to collect it instead? Problem solved.

Even if there was some bizarre cock up that meant this particular dress wasn't available, it really doesn't need to be a disaster. Surely you would just find another dress, similar colour, style etc for the little girl to wear. Annoying, yes and a bit of a hassle but hardly the end of the world. Talking about ditching the bridesmaids altogether over a dress seems way OTT to me Confused

ALittleMop · 08/07/2017 10:56

Why wouldn't you have bridesmaids? I think you've made the error of indulging in a bit of catastrophising....
Presumably Nan just wants it nice for you and nice for her Great grandchildren - so is getting upset because you are.

Little girls can be bridesmaids all in totally different dresses - mismatched bridesmaids is all very de rigeur.

CoraPirbright · 08/07/2017 10:58

Good grief!! There is enough to cause arguments in the run up to a wedding without including imaginary, theoretical scenarios!! Your Nan sounds like a real piece of work. Just double check MIL has picked the dress up and mentally tell your Nan to fottfsof.

PlaymobilPirate · 08/07/2017 10:58

Could you get 2 (more easily ordered/ picked up) different dresses? 2 I the ones you have, 2 in different style.

Honestly - it's kids' dresses. Not that big a deal. They'll look cute regardless

glitterlips1 · 08/07/2017 11:00

To many what ifs. Worst come to the worst take the other dresses back and get some others!?

witsender · 08/07/2017 11:01

Both unreasonable. You can't determine your bridesmaids on dresses, that's completely arse about face. You have the bridesmaids and they are the priority...if for whatever reason you can't have this dress then get another.

She is being unreasonable to be making such a song and dance about something that hasn't even happened.

Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 08/07/2017 11:02

Meh, I would have to change all the dresses the match so would change the dresses over.

DP and I have agreed together that we'd reimburse Nan for paying the dresses.

BUT that isn't going to happen. The dress is being picked up today.

My Nan shouts and hollers at most things she doesn't like the sound of

OP posts:
DontstepontheMomeRaths · 08/07/2017 11:04

Don't doubt yourself because of her. She reminds me of my dad, who would go off on one and never apologise and I'd then feel it was all my fault and try and fix it.

It's being picked up. It'll be fine. Although MIL should've collected it sooner ideally.

I can see why you were worried about someone feeling left out if it was sent back and trying to be fair. It'll be ok though. Breathe. And ignore your nan 😉

Decaffstilltastesweird · 08/07/2017 11:06

Yes you've definitely all been catastrophising and no wonder it's got a bit heated. Bizarre to say you couldn't have any bridesmaids at all if you can't find the same dress for on.

I hate saying this to people, but you do need to calm down a bit. The dress has probably been picked up and if it hasn't, there is a good chance you can get it back again. Even if you can't, don't leave anyone out ffs, just find a different dress for the last bridesmaid. It's not going to ruin your wedding if one has a slightly different dress. I've been to weddings where all the bridesmaids have completely different dresses. It's fine and actually a bit cooler than matchy matchy.

Your nan sounds like a loudmouth tbh, so sibu, but I also think yabu re the dress.

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