To be annoyed with so called "Best friend"

[Messyhairdontcare]

Not sure if I'm just being petty. I have a friend who I've known for donkeys years (since school) only person I ever kept in touch with. Lives half an hour away but not seen each other recently, normally talk every day but that has also dropped.

Last week a very close relative pass away, friend has all my family on Facebook so would of seen this, I thought I'd of got a text of her saying something, didn't get one. Spoke briefly a few days after, not a single mention of it or the funeral!

A couple of days again me an dp had a massively big scare with our Dc (3) it was a major panic where she could of died! She's fine now. But dp done a massive status about it and how awful it was, I thought I would of got a text of her asking of dd was etc. Nothing. She is one my only best friend and I know on both occasions I would of contacted her. I'm shocked she hasn't.

She has no children of her own and I see her frequently posting on social media. It takes seconds to send a text to a very close friend (I thought)!

To maybe think she just isn't that great of a friend anymore and not to bother with her?

Maybe she's wondering why she's finding out about these things from Facebook and not you directly. That's what I would be wondering.

But I would also text my friend. So yeah, she seems a little self involved at then moment. Perhaps she also has things going on?

She honestly could have missed the Facebook posts. I know I genuinely miss some of my friends lists...
Could this be an option?

Or maybe you need to step away from Facebook and remember it isn't real life. If you want your friends to support you, call them and tell them what's happening in your life. Or ever better, meet up. YABU.

*posts not lists (dam predictive)

I found out through Facebook her grandad died and I was shocked how she hadn't came to me! I feel like maybe we both think differently to the friendship.

She did see the post about relative which another family member wrote because she liked it, I feel like I'm always reaching out to her texting trying to arrange a meet and would rather her text me for once

Maybe I am just being daft but I know if it was the other way around I'd have contacted her

I know on both occasions I would of contacted her. I'm shocked she hasn't.

But you didn't contact her. She read about both these things on Facebook. Maybe if you'd phoned or texted her, she would have responded?

I don't see why I should have to really? They were written on Facebook but I don't feel like I should of came to her first. I meant on both occasions if it was her I would of got in touch. She seen the posts done by others.

I feel like I'm always contacting her and would of liked a text at least asking how dd is or hope your ok. Just feel like she doesn't give a shit really.

Sorry for your loss

To be said to OP, she has stated BF's gran had passed and she found out on FB so maybe it was okay to assume that as it was fine for BF to let people know via social media, so it was for them. However Intake it that OP contacted her when she saw the status whereas in these other cases, the BF has gone quiet.

Sorry to say that yes, you have kept contact but it looks like the friendship has run its course OP. She didn't reach out to you for emotional support just like you also didn't reach out if her. Be honest with yourself - who seems to contact whom to keep this friendship going? I would hazard a guess that it was you? Did she come to the funeral? That would be your answer really. Keep to yourself, hug your family, concentrate on you and be kind to yourself.

Seriously, I miss all kinds of stuff that's posted on Facebook. It doesn't help that it defaults to most popular rather than most recent posts.

I'm not on there every day though, maybe 4-5 times a week.

It takes seconds to send a text to a very close friend (I thought)!

So why didn't you if you wanted her to know?

I think it's possible she missed the posts too, not everything her fb friends post will come up in her news feed so I guess it depends how many posts there actually were, one or two and I don't think it's beyond the realms she missed them.

I also think if you want your friends to support you then you need to personally tell them what's going on with you rather than just posting on fb, sometimes people want to help but aren't sure whether they're intruding at an already stressful time, telling them in person is a clear signal that you'll welcome their support.

I would just call or text her OP, tell her directly what's been happening and give her a chance to offer support before you let this upset you too much

I don't use Facebook, but from the posts on here, it seems that it's quite easy to miss a post, or use a 'like' as an acknowledgement as the post has been seen. Maybe your friend thinks that the like is enough?

I think you're approaching this from the angle of "She saw this on Facebook, why hasn't she contacted me about it?" Is it possible that she's thinking "Well, she's put this on Facebook but didn't message me about it, so she doesn't need my input/help"?

There's a lot of adverts now it's easy to miss things.

I saw an engagement announcement from a few days ago that has 4 likes - someone I know has a lot of friends.

Don't see why I should have to really? They were written on Facebook but I don't feel like I should of came to her first

You're making it so hard, aren't you?

The my DH died suddenly, I personally rang everyone who was close or I thought was so. Only then did I go on Facebook to tell everyone else, people whose phone numbers I didn't have, etc.etc.

This does not make me a good person, but it's a sensible way forward to deal with difficult news.

I found out through Facebook her grandad died and I was shocked how she hadn't came to me!

Haven't you done the exact same thing?

So, your DP said on FB your daughter had a problem but was totally fine now? Wouldn't it be kind of redundant for her to then ask how your DD is because she already knows? And you told the whole world about your relative and she acknowledged it...

If you want to talk to her then talk to her. If you want to randomly blurt out anything that happens to you to all and sundry then everyone already knows all about you and really doesn't need to get in touch and see how you're doing.

Personally, if someone's FBing about something it's probably not that big a thing or they wouldn't be gossiping, which is what FB is really for.

Don't see why I should have to
You sound just like my mum. She tells me she hadn't heard from my DS1 recently so I say well why don't you call him?
Why should I? She splutters all fucking hurt and indignant, it drives me mad.
If I haven't heard from someone and I want to find out how they're doing or what's going on I call them or text or email or FaceTime them instead of thinking 'well, I did it last time so it's their turn' because I know communication is a two way street. Most reasonable people aren't keeping score over whose turn it is or whether to be butthurt because they found something out on fb or someone didn't say 'you ok Hun' after a fb status change. Grow up ffs.

Is she a mind reader? If she is then YANBU. But if she's human then YABU because you could ring / email / text her directly. If someone posts something on FB then I wouldn't think it was necessarily vital for me to acknowledge it directly. It's such an impersonal way of telling people.
And you're operating on double standards saying that she should have told you her news directly but it was okay for you to post yours on FB

If she's your 'close' friend, she shouldn't be finiding these type of things out at the same time as Doris who lives 3 streets down the village.

She probably has seen the posts, and does feel sorry for you, but she probably feels pushed out a bit too and doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.

Oh the joys of Facebook.

Like I said I feel like I'm always the one contacting her, I seen what she posted and contacted her straight away, I was surprised she posted on Facebook first but fair enough. I didn't do the posts myself it was dp and family members.

It takes seconds to send a text which is why I text her when she was going through a hard time, I wouldn't say the issue is posting on Facebook but more contacting after seeing it.

I don't see why I should contact her about what's been happening when she can clearly see it but has not acknowledged it or asked how things are. I know I can get hold of her myself obv but for a very close friend I would of hoped for a text asking if we were ok.

I don't want to message her about everything when she's seen it but already decided not to say anything. There is only so much you can do trying to get hold of someone. I don't keep track on who texts who first but have noticed since I haven't been contacting her we've barely spoke!

Step away from facebook and text or call your friend if you want it to be a real friendship

Don't get why your dp would do a "massive status" about your dd's scare either (I'm assuming she had an accident of some sort that was fine in the end but could have been bad?) My best friend would have called me from the hospital or text and I would have popped round or something. Maybe involve her more or consider this a more superficial friendship and try and stop getting upset when she does not meet expectations.

If everyone expects to find important/big things over Facebook then no wonder people don't bother.

I don't have Facebook but there's no way I would be putting big scare status all over it for everyone to know.. especially without telling close friends and family first.

I get that you feel like she isn't trying without you making the effort, but if you're not messaging her without her seeing stuff like this, maybe she doesn't feel as close to you as what you both thought. She's finding out this information at the same time as people you probably don't talk to very often, which probably makes her think you don't really need her.

If I wanted a friend to be there for me, I'd give them a message and expect them to be there once I'd told them.

People must think I am really rude (well, those that live and update their lives through Facebook) as I don't use it so unless they have told me something in person, I'm not going to know and therefore not comfort or console them. Why did you not contact your best friend and tell them specifically what happened? Why are you posting on Facebook and then getting disappointed and upset you didn't get a reaction back. Were you posting a quick blanket message to let everyone know in one go? Or were you posting for reactions from people? Sorry if it seems harsh but as explained I don't use Facebook and certainly wouldn't use it to tell people in my "friends" list my personal business.

and sympathy for you for your difficult times you have had lately x

Facebook used to upset me. Now I use it as a tool to decide who to invest time and affection in to.

A big fault of mine would be passively waiting for others to prove their affection or respect for me without contemplating that I leave myself open to be judged by my own measure for not doing the same. So don't do all the chasing but don't be afraid to invest either.

People who write their every business on facebook and then expect people to respond are generally attention seekers. If you want her support, speak to her. If you put your business on facebook and then expect her to just be there then you need to grow up and realise that facebook isn't real and most people don't actually care much about what they read on there. Your tragic news is likely written next to someone else's post about what they had for dinner and just after the one which encourages users to click on some link to see which celebrity they might shag next week.

I bet you're one of those people who unfriends people who don't copy and paste those emotive "if you've known someone with cancer/mental health issues/ then copy and paste this, but I know only my true friends will copy this so I'm gonna say bye bye to some of you." statuses aren't you?