To be annoyed with so called "Best friend"

[Messyhairdontcare]

Not sure if I'm just being petty. I have a friend who I've known for donkeys years (since school) only person I ever kept in touch with. Lives half an hour away but not seen each other recently, normally talk every day but that has also dropped.

Last week a very close relative pass away, friend has all my family on Facebook so would of seen this, I thought I'd of got a text of her saying something, didn't get one. Spoke briefly a few days after, not a single mention of it or the funeral!

A couple of days again me an dp had a massively big scare with our Dc (3) it was a major panic where she could of died! She's fine now. But dp done a massive status about it and how awful it was, I thought I would of got a text of her asking of dd was etc. Nothing. She is one my only best friend and I know on both occasions I would of contacted her. I'm shocked she hasn't.

She has no children of her own and I see her frequently posting on social media. It takes seconds to send a text to a very close friend (I thought)!

To maybe think she just isn't that great of a friend anymore and not to bother with her?

Tbh people who consider the reactions on facebook to be an indication of true friendship I wouldn't consider to be friends so actually it's most likely that she doesn't think of you as a friend because you measure her friendship by facebook.

Maybe she has unfollowed you/DH on Facebook because you keep posting all your drama on it. So she genuinely hasn't seen the latest instalment.

I used to know someone who posted everything about her life on FB. She got pregnant and posted every update about the bump "oh bumpy wumpy is bouncing today/likes a cup of coffee/is soooo happy," you get the picture. So many of her friends got so sick of reading them that they hid her updates, but obviously she didn't know that.

Then when the baby was born he was deprived of oxygen at birth and was rushed into scbu and very nearly died. And like all of the above she updated via facebook. But because so many people had hidden her irritating updates they had no idea and she was posting and getting almost no support because nobody actually knew.

The baby did survive FWIW but nobody could be blamed for not supporting her as she never spoke personally to anyone, just expected people to know/be following her every move on FB, which they weren't because most of her updates were so tedious.

I bet you're one of those people who unfriends people who don't copy and paste those emotive "if you've known someone with cancer/mental health issues/ then copy and paste this, but I know only my true friends will copy this so I'm gonna say bye bye to some of you." statuses aren't you?

Ummm no WannaBe not at all!

Alltalknobaby - we don't post all our drama on there ffs, I can't remember the last time I posted a status, partner wrote one to warn other parents about what happened to dd.

Fucking hell you lot

This is why I left Facebook. I would've hidden your posts purely on the basis that you use 'of' instead of 'have'!
Would have
Should have
Could have...etc.
It's so fucking annoying along with txt spk and shit about little 'prinny'.

Personally if I saw someone's partner or another family member posting about it I would not contact the friend (you) in this case as I would assume the fact that you haven't posted would mean that you were not wanting it to be public. I would wait for a text from that friend direct.

Also remember that FB does not show posts in the order they are posted and has its mind of its own about what comes up on your timeline. I get things some 24 hours after posted sometimes.

Always message directly if you want a particular person to know.

So you barely post or update statuses on fb yourself but you expect your friends to closely monitor all the posts and status changes of your family and DP just in case there's some nugget of info about you they should immediately respond to? You are massively unreasonable not to mention massively self-absorbed. She may not have even seen the status change your DP made amongst the feeds from her own family and other friends. If you want people to be sure to get important news how about you send them the important news personally and not via a convoluted trail of other people's bloody fb statuses?

Fucking Facebook. Is this the only way people communicate these days?

Off topic, but

Maybe I am just being daft but I know if it was the other way around I'd have OF contacted her

Got that one for you, OP!

For her sake, OP, cut her loose.
On Facebook

I had a friend who I always made an effort to visit. I drive and I moved away so I tried to keep her in my life as much as possible, she was even my bridesmaid 4 years ago. She had a baby and every time I tried to make plans she was too busy, and stupid things like dog sitting, baking cakes for nursery, going to the park. All things I would happily have joined her in, and I kept feeling like it was always me making the effort. I would text first, I would drive down for the visit, I would try and make plans. Sometimes you have to accept that your not really that close anymore. Mine came when I posted on Facebook that I was expecting my first child (due in 3 weeks!) And she didn't like the status, congratulate me or text me. That's when I decided she's too interested in her own life, and that's fine.

You sound like hard work TBH.

If you want a friend to know something, then tell them. Don't expect her to follow the trail of clues and then contact you.

OP There is a lot of FB hate on here not me and many won't be able to see past that aspect. Good luck to you - hope you resolve this.

She may be going through some stuff in her own life so wont be keeping up with yours. I know I will post the most mundane of posts on Facebook whilst going through the worst times in my private life.

I have some friends who post such trivial stuff on FB frequently that I've stopped following their "I can't believe how many Weetabix DS2 had for breakfast this morning" or friends status is "feeling sad" and waiting for the obligatory "what's wrong Hun?" replies etc posts

Because much as I love them in RL it's irritating. They won't know that I've unfollowed them as I haven't Unfriended them.

Is it possible that your friend hasn't seen your posts?
What did we ever do before FB? I'd forget about FB and let them know in real life. If she's still not supported then you know where you stand with the friendship.

I don't see why I should have to really? They were written on Facebook

Really? Are you actually serious?

I have fb but I only go on a couple of times a week to check for messages. I read nothing on the homepage/timeline thingy.

I log into fb but only off and on. Post a photo and browse for a moment. I miss loads on there and fb definitely doesn't show me every post, sometimes I'll see one in my newsfeed a few days later than dated. Don't assume she doesn't care. Call her.

I'm very close to my best friend. When something happens I want her to talk to me about, I send her a text/ring her/invite her over (depending on the severity) and say "Well, this happened...". She does the same with me.

Like a normal person.

When we want the other's support we don't have a relation of ours post it into the abyss and expect the other to find it and come to us.

You're setting her up to fail. Just talk to her.

Why did your DP make a massive status about your child? Seems like attention seeking tbh

You found out about her grandfather on Facebook, and were surprised she didn't tell you.

But then you posted your life events on Facebook and didn't tell her...???

If it was on your partner's Facebook rather than yours, she probably hasn't seen it. I only have 3 or 4 people flagged as "show first", and I quite often don't see other friends' posts at all. And, no offence, but I have a lot of my friends hidden. People tend to have their own particular hobby horse they post about- kids/pets/Brexit/Forever Living- and if it's not one you want to hear about, it gets very dull very quickly. Some of the Facebook friends highest on my list aren't particularly close friends at all, but are the ones who post genuinely amusing random stuff that I enjoy reading.

I don't see why I should contact her about what's been happening when she can clearly see it but has not acknowledged it or asked how things are

Seriously??

You sound like hard work, OP.
What is it about Facebook posts that always makes me think of petulant teens huffing and puffing??!

Sorry, OP but I also agree you're being unreasonable. I only check my Facebook for the pages I like, really couldn't care less for people's updates. A friend of mine I'm closed to (or used to be), is using it more and more for the passive aggressive status - the type that had endless 'you ok hun' replies, or silly 'sayings posters' (I'm a stronger person now for some ick reason) on sunset backgrounds . Amongst ignoring it all, I seem to have missed that a member of their family took seriously ill, and I know they'll be equally annoyed I didn't notice. However, I really don't have time for silly Facebook attention seeking, if something serious was going on in my life I'd either text or call the people who mattered to me. Facebook wouldn't cross my mind. Not everyone cares to get that sort of information from social media.

Fucking hell you lot

Er.. I'm sorry, you asked AIBU and people are telling you you are not even in a harsh way and you get stroppy? Are you going to rant on Facebook about it?

Mine came when I posted on Facebook that I was expecting my first child (due in 3 weeks!) And she didn't like the status, congratulate me or text me. That's when I decided she's too interested in her own life, and that's fine

To me that is just strange!! If she is that close a friend why not text her or tell her in person or on the phone!? Then if she was still disinterested then you could gauge her friendship levels. I'm speaking of someone that is anti-facebook so I'm biased. Congratulations and good luck on your first baby!!