To not want to have a baby in this flat

[Bumpins19]

I feel like I already know the answer to this one is yes and I need to just calm down and put it all in prespective but I'm having a moment, ok, and I need somebody to give me a virtual slap and tell me to chill.

I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with DC1 and living in a one bedroom flat. Until a few days ago, DH and I had it all planned out to move out to a nice house in the suburbs. We would be moving in about two to three months time but, without hashing out all the details, we've hit a fairly big snag and it looks like the sale is going to fall through. As it's taken us several weeks to get to this point, the chances of us finding somewhere new and moving in before baby arrives are now slim to none and I'm pretty gutted.

The logical part of me knows there's no practical reason why having the baby here for the first few months wouldn't be do-able. It's a generously sized one bedroom that just needs a bit of a clean and a declutter to get it baby ready. I know people who cope with far less than what we have so I also feel that we should be grateful for what we do have and just make do.

But the less logical part of me just doesn't want to. I wanted to bring my baby home to a nice family house rather than the flat we settled for because transport links are good and we're at work most of the time anyway. Plus the neighbours are anything but neighbourly so I'm bracing myself for the backlash when they realise there's going to be a crying baby in the building. I feel like I'm already a crap mother because I couldn't sort this out (again, logical part of me knows people cope with much less than I do and it's no reflection on their parenting skills - the emotional part of me has chosen to ignore this) and I just want to cry.

I know I should pull myself together but surely I'm not being that unreasonable to really strongly feel upset about being in a situation I really did not want to be in?

It's fine.

It's less space to have to keep clean while trying to deal with a baby. It's a shorter distance to hobble from kitchen to bathroom to bedroom whilst huge with bump and post birth. Moving house is stressful and huge stress while pregnant is not good.

The baby doesn't care. His/her main concern will be on having been recently evicted from inside you. He/she will want to be in your arms/in your bed/on you all the time.

The only slight drawback is not having a separate bedroom so that one of you can sleep whilst the other deals with the baby. Maybe invest in an air bed or similar so one can crash in the living room if needed.

I think it is better to stay and use this time to chuck out old stuff and come up with systems for baby stuff (I had white labelled lidded boxes 0-3 3-6 6-9 etc ) so as gifts etc came, I sorted them and then used the boxes for storage once out of them

Last think you want is a house move. Will you need to declutter much ?

Good Lord woman,you'll be fine!

In hindsight you will look back and agree with your rational self. Shampoo the carpets, give it a good clean and tidy, and enjoy not having to move while heavily pregnant! I am 39 weeks with DC2, we are still in the one bed that we "had" to leave for arrival of DC1. There are many advantages to having a tiny baby in a small space. You can always hear the baby, there is less cleaning, people who visit won't stay with you do you get some space... in our case I also rearranged the furniture so I could watch the telly in the lounge from our bed much better than living among cardboard boxes with a newborn and no wifi!

Goodness !! I had baby in a 1 bed until 6 months

It's absolutely fine. We're in a one bed flat - we've been meaning to move out of London since I got pregnant and by DS will be 2 in a couple of weeks! We could fit a cot next to our bed but he sleeps with us anyway.

Nothing is rational when you are pregnant - (pesky horneymoans)
The frustration of having your carefully laid plans smashed is the main issue and I totally get your frustration. This will work out perfectly in the end. I promise you that when that beautiful baby finally makes their entrance you will not care about the size of your flat or the shittiness of your neighbours

It will be fine!

When I had DS2 we were living in incredibly unsuitable circumstances. We were living with one of DHs family members who was incredibly difficult to live with while we saved for a deposit. We moved when he was about 14 months old

I think it's important to remember the end game. It's really easy to get lost in your current situation. I did and was very down as a result. With hindsight I can see how silly it was, but I'm glad I gritted my teeth and got through it (often considered packing it in and renting) because we are exactly where we want to be now.

I hear what you're saying. You had this idea in your head of what you wanted, you almost got there, but how it's not worked out that way and you're a bit taken aback.

You're a sensible person, you can see that it can and will work, that's evident from your post, so try not to worry.

Use this time to seriously de-clutter because you'll want to do that anyway and then when the time comes you'll have more space for baby or you'll be half way prepped to pack and move.

I was so stressed about moving out of our flat and into our house before the baby arrived.... he's never even been in his bedroom and he's almost 5 months now! The only thing I would be concerned about is what floor is it on and can you easily get a pram in and out? All the rest is fine!

It's honestly fine :)

Lots of advantages people have set out above

Only disadvantage is lack of a spare room so that you can take turns to get solid sleep: John Lewis sell really comfortable inflatable mattresses. They inflate/deflate in 2 mins using a pump and are fine to sleep on. Invest in one for the living room if your sofa isn't comfy enough to sleep on.

I was in a similar situation as you OP and can completely sympathise. We were in a one bedroom flat and were supposed to be in our new house about 5 months before DD and DS (twins) were born. We put the flat on the market nearly as soon as I got pregnant and found a buyer straight away but he turned out to be a horrible man who kept pushing the exchange of contracts back for no reason. I think his plan was to gazunder (sp?) us as he knew we would be desperate to move. Eventually we had to remarket the flat and ended up completing and moving house one day after I gave birth. So we went straight from the hospital with two newborn babies to the new house (in a different city) which was full of boxes. Thank goodness my parents helped us and did all the packing otherwise I don't know what we would have done. It was so stressful.

So long story short, I think you will be absolutely fine in your flat. My DCs were in our room for the first 6 months anyway. If it was me, I would stay put and give yourself a bit of time rather than trying to rush a move before Baby is born. You don't want to end up in the same situation I did. Good luck!

I feel for you it's natural to be disappointed. Luckily the baby will be happy as long as they have you. I had to live in really awful circumstances with family until my daughter was almost one and it wasn't ideal but I had the baby to occupy me.
And don't worry about your baby crying disturbing others-that's a natural consequence of living in human society and anybody who complains is completely unreasonable.

Oh I loved my flat when my little one was born. Everything on one level no carting stuff round can hear them whatever room there in no stairs to go and get the midnight bottle etc. It was cozy and babies stuff wasn't spread around the house. I loved my little flat when he was born.

We bought our DD1 home from the hospital to a building site. One living room, one bedroom, a functional (but absolutely awful) bathroom and kitchen. Almost half the house has now been demolished and our Timber Frame extension/brickwork is due to be built sometime around the due date for DD2 in September. Trust me, you'll be fine ...

We were in a 1 bed flat until DC1 was 2. It was great, I loved it but we wanted another DC so moved to a house. Now I've had the experience of a baby in a house as well, I can see that life was so much easier with a baby in a flat. I spend half my life running up and down stairs for something! So much more cleaning to do. I'd move back in a heartbeat, even with two DC now.
My neighbours in the flat always said they couldn't hear anything, even though DC1 was a crying refluxy baby.

You'll be fine, but I know exactly what you mean. When ds1 was born we had a rented one bed flat in London. Had tried to biy but house prices were rising literally daily (2000) and we went from being able to afford two bed flats with gardens to one bed or large studio flats within six months.

Everyone at the ante natal class I went to (well-heeled Chiswick women) was discussing their nursery colour schemes and all I could think of was how my "poor" baby would just have a little corner of our bedroom. I couldn't face going back again.

It was fine. His little corner looked lovely and it was so cosy having his cot in our room.

He was nearly one when we moved to our house (not in London) and was ready for his own room then. But I still wish we'd been able to start our family in our forever home.

Yabu

It'll be fine.

We did it, and stayed in the one bed flat for a few years.

Focus on the positives (a healthy pregnancy! )

I kind of get where you're coming from. We're in a 2 bed flat and baby no 2 is due in the new year. We knew we weren't going to move until after the baby is here and I love our flat. But I'm so ready to move into a house. We're already too big for the flat we're in and the thought of getting it in a sellable condition with a toddler and a newborn is terrifying but we'll manage, just like you will. It's like you say, other people have much bigger problems.

We have a small 2 bed house - one bedroom is an office so it's essentially a one bed. Small kitchen, small bathroom. So living space is essentially one living room and one bedroom. Baby due in October. What has made me feel more in control and happier about the space is a good clear out. I've actually gotten rid of only 2 bags of stuff to the charity shop and put two boxes of winter clothes/boots in the attic but I feel so much better. I've thrown stuff out too. I made 2 new cushion covers and bought one new throw for the sofa which cost less than a tenner. Can't believe the difference it's made to my positivity towards the house. We will do a clear out if hubby's stuff/the office on Monday.

Reading your post about a nice family house i realise that's what I've done - making it more my current style and less just the bits we had moving in.

A little bit of time clearing and a little bit of money on finishing touches will help you a lot I hope!

actually, i live in a (admittedly very generously proportioned aka old) 1 bedroom, 1 sitting room flat and it's very advantageous. the baby is always there, as is everything else, no stairs, car right outside the front door. it's very handy, I'm not in any particular hurry to get us moved to something for familyish!

yes you do need a second bed - our sofa bed has seen a lot of my DP in the last 11 weeks!

Thanks everybody - I think for once it's actually good to know I am being unreasonable! Not too get all mushy but took great comfort in your stories about how it was definitely do-able.

what i have learnt about babies, or st least my baby! is that they don't want to be left alone! literally not even put down! not even on a really hot day when we are sweating our tits off! the baby does not care, don't even think about leaving your baby sleeping soundly in its own room

We were in 2 bed first floor flat with no garden until ds was 6. A one bed for a while will be fine!