Child maintenance and extra costs

[Diamondmac]

Ex DP gives me £40 a week maintenance. AIBU to think that this should be for day-in-day-out costs like electricity, food etc. but we should go halves on additional costs like redecorating dc's bedroom/baby signing course/osteopath?

If you get maintenance for your DCs do you expect additional contributions for extras?

If I added up everything I spent on DC it's easily triple/quadruple what exDP does when our incomes are roughly the same. This doesn't seem fair. AIBU?

officially and legally the nrp only has to pay what the cms calculate (you can use their calculators) and no further contributions are expected.

Have you gone through the CMS or is a private agreement?

We don't. What he gives me covers everything - from keeping a roof over their heads, to school uniform and clubs etc.

The only thing I've ever asked him to go halves in have been expensive school holidays, which run into the hundreds.

He gives me more than £40 a week but it's a percentage of his salary on CMS basis.

I wouldn't ask my exP for anything extra except for expensive trips, I get the cms allocated % of exP's declared income (he earns twice this amount)
To be fair I earn enough to support DD without his input so I save most of the maintenance for DD.
I'm in a fortunate position

Some exes may voluntarily agree to pay "extra" but there is no obligation if they are paying the CMS minimum. My ex pays about £10 a month more than required by the CMS and thinks he's the most generous parent in the land

Perhaps clothes/essentials. Baby signing and bedroom decoration is your choice for you and your house so no he shouldn't pay for that

It's a private arrangement but is what the CMS would have asked him to pay on his salary a few months ago. His hours were less regular then and I think he could afford to pay more than he does.

Baby signing isn't for me or my house, it's for our DC

No extras here either, the CMS calculated amount is the absolute money maximum I could legally get out of him.

Sorry.

And if I were going to try to add value to my house I wouldn't choose to decorate it in that way - not trying to be argumentative, just pointing out that I'm not personally benefiting from those things, they are purely for DC

It doesn't matter. I'm sorry, that is one of the realities of divorce. When the same household pot is split to provide for two households, you need to adjust your expenses accordingly.

This isn't an answer on how much dp should pay, but honestly, unless there's a specific medical reason for. It, babysigning is completely unnecessary.

I suppose we could have a debate about what costs we all have that are strictly necessary, in the real sense of the word.

DC is behind in communication skills and there is evidence that baby signing improves communication skills generally so I'm not doing it on a whim or because I think it'd be fun or anything.

I personally don't get any extra because he refuses but I do think it's bullshit. Resident parents spend way more than the percentage of their salaries on their kids. Plus the very word "maintenance" implies a utilitarian function - as you say, OP, to feed, clothe and house. A child requires much more than that if they are to have any quality of life at all. £40 a week is a drop in the ocean - if you were renting round here it wouldn't even buy you a second bedroom.

So yes - he should pay more. They all should. But very few do.

Thisarmingman - yes. Percentage-wise I spend way more as well as time-wise and doing the vast majority of childcare/work relating to DC. I don't understand why this is seen as so acceptable generally.

Nope, why should your ex pay halves to decorate LO's bedroom at your house?!? Would you pay him half the costs to decorate a room for LO at his house?

Yeah, why should a parent contribute towards the cost of painting his child's room?

I spend more both percentage wise and in actual cash also. Plus as you say more in terms of time/care and, particularly when they were younger, in terms of what can only be described as sheer, knackering donkey work. It sucks.

Amy85 if dc stayed overnight at his house and therefore required a bedroom he'd have to pay less maintenance to me so he'd be better off financially

I think that's the problem with the way child maintenance is calculated: on the assumption that both parents earn the same.

If I were earning the same as my ex, the maintenance would be just pocket money to spend on trivial things for DS. But as things stand... most of it is used to pay the mortgage and therefore for putting a roof over his head. Nothing that I can do about it, though.

But if she stayed there once a week, he would only be saving about £5 a week which would hardly mean he can pay with that money saved other stuff.

If he is earning well, he should but being the law as it is, you really can't expect for him to pay more, no matter how correct it would be for him to contribute.

I get £53 per week for two DC. It's supposed to be £55 but for some reason he really can't bring himself to pay the extra £2 and I won't please him by begging for it. It covers everything (ha! It doesn't even come close especially when one is in pull ups long term!) it's supposed to cover everything. I don't ask for more for anything else because it would never come.