To think this is irresponsible and an unfair ask?

[toconclude]

DM (age: mid 80s) has stage 4 cancer. She is not suitable for further treatment. She continues to have as active a life as she can including multiple holidays - 4th one this year is booked. It's not a once in a lifetime trip, just a regular cruise.
Great stuff, keep calm and carry on, etc. I'm right behind that.
However. Her regular travel insurance will no longer cover her. Her proposal is to go uninsured and expect me (as I have savings, sister does not as she spends every thing she earns) to pay if anything goes wrong "and you'll get it back out of my estate".

I'm worried, but she's not, that the cost of (eg being airlifted off a ship) could possibly be more than I actually have - suspect because she knows DH has a pension pot too. I've pointed her to specialist insurers. Silence. Offered to pay the damn premium. Silence. It's some weird thing about 'not wasting money' I think.
Either way, can I absolutely insist she finds her own insurance instead of relying on the Bank of Toconclude?

Braces self for being told how vile and mean and unsupportive I am of dying parent. But honestly, I don't think I am. Just practical.

A friends FIL had a stroke on holiday in USA - ten days in hospital resulted in a bill of £180,000 and it could have been double that if he needed an air ambulance to get home but fortunately he was considered fit enough to take his flight. He was covered by insurance. Can you raise over half million pounds very quickly? That is the size of the sum you may need yo get your hands on...

That is the size of the sum you may need yo get your hands on... unless you have to leave her stranded.

Research some horror stories and tell her you just wouldn't be able to get your hands on that amount of money as quickly as would be needed, if at all. Show her said horror stories and sit with her and go through the insurers. If any others in the family complain ask them if they have a spare half a million sitting around they could lay their hands on at a moments notice and send them the horror stories too. If this went bad it could bankrupt you. I'm sure your mother doesn't want that, she's just trying to save herself a bit of hassle not realising she could cause a hell of a lot more.

Christ now I'm not just worried, I'm terrified. She hasn't even told my sibling because she "doesn't want a lecture." Argh.
Will get OH onto it, he has financial savvy and she listens to him.

She is being massively selfish. Tell her to get insurance or she'll end up stranded if she does end up ill abroad as you're not going to pay for repatriation (harsh as that might sound).

Tell your DH and your sibling. What she is asking is beyond belief

I think she's just told them she's covered with her usual policy.. unless they read the small print and know her diax they won't know better

I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. Should anything go seriously wrong they'd almost certainly write to her GP afterwards; they'd very quickly find out she's failed to disclose a (very) material fact and refuse to pay anything

Can I ask what the thing is about you getting grief "from the family" if you don't agree to do this, and why on earth they'd think this should fall on you? Only it sounds as if there's one heck of a back story here ...

I'm sorry toconclude I didn't mean to make light of it in a crap way.

It isn't funny at all. I''d be very concerned too if I were you.

My dad had a stroke in Ireland. Was in hospital there for a month before being repatriated to U.K. The stroke happened at work, so his work covered the costs - it was about £1m inc his rehab in the U.K. Something like that could happen at any time. I know you know, but it's another story you could potentially use to convince your mum. Good luck with it

No backstory, and not that I won't agree to this in advance (they don't know) but that if it came to it I could not turn round and say "sorry, can't help". Because I'm sure they would tell themselves they would do it if they could, and they'd think I can because officially I have assets and sis doesn't

Doobree, didn't mean you, I meant that bloody odd post from grange If meant as a joke, wasn't one

Cool :)

It is a terrible position to put you in, as you say if something happened you could hardly just not help. Very cruel really.

Can you find out from the travel company if insurance is mandatory? If so, perhaps you could ask them to email or write to her and spell out their requirements - tell them to be extra clear because of her age or something and imply she is confused?

Ok toconclude you may have assets, but how are you going to liquidate them into that much cash? Make yourself and your family homeless? As an adult there comes a point where your partner/husband/wife and children should be the most important thing, not selfish parents and siblings.

i think it should be compulsory esp for situations of terminal illneess why should it be up to others to pick up the bill along with th grief

My friend was planning on going on a cruise without travel insurance (like your Mum she had an annual policy but it now would not cover her). She thought the extra premiums (under £1000) would be better spent on another holiday.

I think she was quite shocked when I said that was madness, and did she want her kids to have to sell their houses to have to pay for her medical costs. I think part of the problem is a generational one (my friend is in her 70s and her kids are my age 40s), thinking that if the worst comes to the worst it might cost a few thousand pounds, rather than the 6 figure sums people are talking about on here.

With my friend, I offered to try to help her find a cheaper policy, including the option of excluding one of her pre-existing conditions. She agreed to this but in the end she talked to her daughter about it and they found a cheaper policy together and thanked me for some sensible (if unwanted at the time) advice.

If your Mum will listen to your husband, then I think that the best plan is for him to have a chat with her and tell her some of the examples of costs that people have mentioned on here. Good luck and I hope your Mum is able to take her holiday without taking too many risks.

Too much of a risk

Tean
" think part of the problem is a generational one (my friend is in her 70s and her kids are my age 40s), thinking that if the worst comes to the worst it might cost a few thousand pounds, rather than the 6 figure sums people are talking about on here."

I think you have hit the nail on the head. I will get OH to be clear with her

My mum also has stage 4 cancer and regularly goes on hols uninsured.

True you can get insurance from specialists but it is very hard when you have a terminal illness and it makes it unaffordable for them to go anywhere at all. I rang a lot of companies after her diagnosis and most refused outright and those that would it was crazy money.

My parents love to travel and not to be able to go would really limit their enjoyment of the time she has left. I was dead against her flying at all at 1st as she had lung mets and effusions but she is of the opinion that it's her life to risk and who can blame her.

Our compromise is that she only goes within the EU or where there are reciprocal arrangements like E111. I had a stern talking to my dad when he wanted to take her to the US and to Morocco and they limit themselves to Spain, France, Italy etc these days.

We could not afford to repatriate her from a cruise ship or pay US medical bills but might have some chance from Europe.

I hope she goes nowhere near the States! Because they will charge whatever they can.

I've travelled the world and been ill and once hospitalized. It was very reassuring to know that the decisions I made were based on my health rather than my funds.

What really gets me is your mother has no grasp of what it could cost.

She thinks inheritance will cover whatever you have to pay. What if it doesn't. She could have you financially on your knees.
And this may sound harsh, but I think she is expecting to die soon. But what if she doesn't. Said inheritance may also need to go towards other aspects of care.

For the sake of going on a cruise with no insurance.

It's beyond selfish of her, but giving her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she has no concept of the scale of the costs involved.

However, my inlaws have been on many cruises and told me they have to provide specific details of their insurance to the ship. Can't just tick a box to say they have it. They have been on more than one cruise with a death/boat turned back to a port for medical emergency. Due to the demographic the cruise company are expecting this and I think it's highly unlikely they will allow her to set foot on the ship without its.

If you are still worried she might manage to do it, I do not thing a tip off to the cruise company in time to request an extra check would be at all unreasonable.

It's not just the costs - it's also the stress. Insurers are geared up for these situations. They have contacts in place with the major hospitals and clinics in lots of locations. They have arrangements with assistance companies who know how a particular country's processes and healthcare systems work. They deal with the invoices and billing requirements from the hospital directly. They have staff who are fluent in the local language so they can not only communicate accurately with the medical staff, they can also interpret the documents that the hospital sends. Many people make the mistake of assuming that because the Doctor/Nurse spoke English, all correspondence will be in English - not so.

It is a huge amount of work to deal with all of this - to coordinate bill payments so that treatment is not delayed, arrange alternative accommodation, transport home etc. I cannot think of anything more monumentally selfish than leaving someone else to pick this up because you CBA to buy travel insurance.

I wish I could recall the insurance company I used for my son at Stage 4 Cancer. The big companies were not the cheapest - but on line searches identified there were cheaper options with 'known name' companies. You have to be accurate on the forms though. I can't recall if we did 'one trip' or annual insurance in the end - but there was a significant difference between the options. I simply don't understand your mum putting you in this situation as the whole thing is stressful enough. 💐

(PS - luckily my son eventually went in to remission after rigorous treatment and surgery)

My mum went on a cruise last year when she had stage 4 terminal cancer. Her regular insurer refused to cover her, so she and dad ended up paying a ridiculous sum for insurance (4 figure for a week), however, it turned out to be worth it as she needed significant treatment both on board and in hospital once they'd docked. Can your Mum do something like that instead OP? It seems very unfair to expect you to just pick up the pieces if it all goes wrong.