To think this is irresponsible and an unfair ask?

[toconclude]

DM (age: mid 80s) has stage 4 cancer. She is not suitable for further treatment. She continues to have as active a life as she can including multiple holidays - 4th one this year is booked. It's not a once in a lifetime trip, just a regular cruise.
Great stuff, keep calm and carry on, etc. I'm right behind that.
However. Her regular travel insurance will no longer cover her. Her proposal is to go uninsured and expect me (as I have savings, sister does not as she spends every thing she earns) to pay if anything goes wrong "and you'll get it back out of my estate".

I'm worried, but she's not, that the cost of (eg being airlifted off a ship) could possibly be more than I actually have - suspect because she knows DH has a pension pot too. I've pointed her to specialist insurers. Silence. Offered to pay the damn premium. Silence. It's some weird thing about 'not wasting money' I think.
Either way, can I absolutely insist she finds her own insurance instead of relying on the Bank of Toconclude?

Braces self for being told how vile and mean and unsupportive I am of dying parent. But honestly, I don't think I am. Just practical.

Grange, the cots would be at min 10s of 1000s, not something you can just get a loan for!!

In my thankfully limited experience it's extremely complicated with good insurance, with lots of credit, with the ability to take time off and travel

let the insurance be deducted from the estate for heaven's sake! She is being very irresponsible, and the rest of your family are horrible for acting like you should do this when they don't have to, as well!

I suspect grange was being facetious.

grange Are you joking? Chill out and get a loan if necessary? Do you have any idea of the cost and stress that would be involved?

grangehilldays nobody going on holidays think they will need insurance. Literally anything can happen to anyone and the chances of something untoward affecting a stage 4 cancer patient in her 80s are a heck of a lot higher than most of the rest of us. Not to mention the usual mishaps of life like a fall or a bug. The nature of the holiday, on a cruise ship, complicates things even further - it's not like going to. Say a city in Spain where the OP could research in advance the local healthcare situation and decide whether to gamble on that. Th mother is being irresponsible in not investigating all possible insurance options and giving herself the cushion of another person'a savings without their consent. I ised to work in a related area. Trust me, insurance is vital.

As for the inheritance, don't bet on it. It's not at all implausible that the mother depletes the OP's savings on medical care abroad and then needs to put her assets towards costs of a care home for some time.

Definitely seek insurance. I'd also question the assertion that her restate would cover any costs if you don't. Firstly, there's the question of the size of her estate and whether it would be enough to cover the costs. Even if it is, does she have a will, and do you know what it says? You could end up with a huge amount of heartache and expense as a result of her plans

No - insistbon insurance. There are loads of insurers that will cover her - I had to do it for my son, similarly diagnosed, when he went to Australia.
All the cancer charities have list of ones to use - but do your research, most will insure though with higher premiums.
The cost of treatment/ repatriation etc will be enormous. Don't get yourself hooked into that foolishness.

Insist on

I booked a cruise for my parents a few years ago and the company insisted on proof of travel insurance, they needed all the details, not just a box ticked.i would be surprised if she would even be allowed to do this.

There's always one isn't there! Looking at you grange

No, YADNBU at all. It would be stressful and a pointless waste of money when you can insure against the potential costs.

If something happened the last thing you want is to be thinking about it how much it is costing or how it could be done cheaper. You just want the best and quickest treatment possible and the peace of mind of knowing you are covered.

Hope your mum sees sense OP.

I know from Posts so far that this will be controversial- but she's your mum! She sounds like she will be absolutely fine and there will be no need for you to assist her. However, if u needed to help her, you could probably get a quick short term loan or interest free credit card if u don't have the cash, and I reckon she'd pay you back once home and recovered! If, heaven forbid, something more serious was to happen and she was to pass away, like she says, the inheritance would sort it!

Are you fucking INSANE? Do you have ANY idea how much medical costs are? This isn't a few thousand pounds - it is tens of thousands, minimum. I have seen cases where uninsured people have had to remortgage or even sell houses to cover their costs.

OP I cannot recommend strongly enough that you not do this. Really, honestly and truly. I have direct experience in this field and dealing with overseas medical issues and repatriation claims - including those who have sadly passed away. Case in point:

Child bangs head. Child admitted to hospital. Parent has to stay in country to accompany child - parent is racking up hotel bills. Child discharged from hospital but is not medically fit to fly - so no airline will carry child and parent back to the UK. Eventually child is well enough to fly - but only accompanied by a fully qualified medical team. International flight - so 2 qualified med staff required (one to cover the other due to length of journey). Child and parent then have to be transported back from London airport to their home address - 100s of miles away. Cost of claim was in excess of £250K.

Still recommending a credit card for that Grange?

Grange: huh? No there are no bloody 'issues' between us and she's spent the last 25 years having 'a bit of fun' - she's been to more than 30 different countries all around the world since she retired, many of them more than once.
But she's always been insured. Because it's common sense.

YANBU!

Your mother is being selfish and irresponsible. There are literally hundreds, if not thousands, of insurance policies out there. At least one of them will cover your mother's situation.

If any reletives give you grief for wanting to do the sensible thing, tell them to literally put their money where their mouth is, and front up the thousands needed if something goes wrong.

a broken arm on a six year old cost us 500 pound and that was 12 years ago.

insurance is an absolute MUST

Maybe grange is really your mum ans she's pulling you your leg OP

Thy "It's So Easy" travel insurance. They specialize in insuring people with medical conditions at sensible prices. I use them regularly. Don't be tempted to risk letting her go uninsured.

We are off on a cruise next week. I have had to provide the name of the insurer and policy number for everyone travelling. How is she proposing to skip past this?

doobree: doubt she knows 'MN exists, If it is a 'joke' it's deeply unfunny, I'm seriously worried she'll just plough ahead.
Without trying to overanalyse maybe it's a "yah boo sucks life limiting illness, I'll beat you by ignoring you". Which is OK up to a point, but not beyond it.

OP, why are you the only one in the family who isn't allowed to be selfish? Bugger that. If everyone else wants to go along with what she wants, then let them pay for it. Just tell them you don't have any money. You spent it on gin and cigarettes. What are they going to do? Take you to the bank and force you to show them your account balance?

When anyone mentions it, just say "no, that's not happening". Repeat ad infinitum until they get it. Have you actually researched the cost of airlift and medical repatriation? Unless you are very rich, it's highly unlikely you would be able to afford to pay it upfront (upwards of £30000).

doobree

Haven't rtft so someone might have said this already but I'm surprised she's allowed to go on a cruise with stage 4 cancer. From having talked to my DF about holidays - he has lung cancer - he couldn't do cruises at sea because the ship is obliged to divert its path if someone becomes seriously ill to get them to dry land. So they won't take the risk of seriously ill travellers. You need to get her to take out travel insurance with specialist insurers for cancer patients/survivors. DF has taken out travel insurance at very reasonable premiums (

FiL was taken ill on a European cruise last year. Costs included
Unscheduled stop of ship to drop him to hospital
Cost of ship's doctor
Cost of treatments not covered by reciprocal agreements
Loss of cost of holiday
Hotel, food and travel for MiL and visits from their DC to help MiL
Assisted travel back to UK

£13k was claimed back from insurers by PiL personally. The rest (don't know the total amount) was paid and negotiated by various insurers to the cruise company, healthcare, flights etc...

Not included were the air fares, time off work etc... that the DC (Inc DH) had to use in order to stay out there with MiL for 8 weeks. Then more holiday to help PiL back in UK.

I wouldn't agree to be liable OP. Not unless you're seriously wealthy. And on a bit of an unpleasant thought. What if your mum didn't change her will to reflect the agreement before she left. What's to say your siblings don't honour you DM's wishes and just split as per old will or with no will even more complications.

Not a chance, especially if your DH isn't on board with it.

knitting: in my worst moments I think she's just told them she's covered with her usual policy...which unless they read the small print and know her diax they won't know better

Actually on thinking about it, my youngest took ill before we boarded a flight last year to go meet a cruise. Thankfully not seriously ill but the insurance claim we submitted was 8.5k. Thank god for insurance!

YANBU, the figures mentioned upthread are not to be taken lightly! Please show your DM her insurance options and costs interspersed with some horror stories of rocketing costs without insurance - and keep reiterating that you want to help, but not in a way that puts your savings at risk. This is the approach my DM uses when my grandma tries stuff like this! You seem lovely and supportive but your savings are for your emergencies, not hers.