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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rubbish pregnancy, having time off work - AIBU?

40 replies

joojoobean99 · 06/07/2017 20:40

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and have had a pretty rough pregnancy so far. Suffered with HG until about 21 weeks, then it settled down for 4-5 weeks so I was able to go back to work, but the hot weather that started a few weeks ago triggered the nausea again so my GP has signed me off until next week.

I had an email from my boss today (I work for a tiny company so my boss is actually one of the partners) telling me that I need to make an effort to go into the office next week as other people are going on holiday (so basically there will be no one there doing my job). I feel super angry about it, cos a) he didn't even ask if my nausea had improved at all and whether there were any changes that could be made to accommodate me at work (i.e. There's no air con and no windows, so sitting in an office like a greenhouse would just make my sickness worse), and b) he's not allowed to contact me if I've been signed off to tell me to "make an effort" to go into the office!

My husband said it's not a big deal and he's obviously desperate for me to be there as he's trying to run his business, but here I am feeling sick 24/7 knowing that I'll feel even worse if I'm forced into work unwillingly. AIBU? Is this just pregnancy making me feel pissed off or do I have a genuine reason to feel like this?

OP posts:
Imamouseduh · 06/07/2017 20:47

You went back to work at 21 weeks? How long had you been off before that?

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 06/07/2017 20:50

YANBU! That's harassment and an employment tribunal would have a field day with it if you claim constructive dismissal or similar. Make sure you hang on to the evidence just in case.

In the meantime I suggest you send a response that it's not about 'not making an effort' when you're off - you are constantly sick, and are not in a fit state to be in work unfortunately.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 06/07/2017 20:51

Also you could send him a link to some info about HG so he's aware it's not 'just' morning sickness.

Chrisinthemorning · 06/07/2017 20:53

The thing is some people have very normal easy pregnancies so think it isn't an illness, carry on as normal etc.
It isn't like that for everyone though, as you know so if you aren't well enough to be at work, don't be at work and don't feel bad about it. Your baby is more important and by the time you back after May leave it will all be forgotten.
FWIW I kept having bleeds and ended up signed off at 26 weeks with placenta praevia, having had most of the first tri off with bleeding.
Flowers

NorthernLurker · 06/07/2017 20:57

I think you would be well advised to park your anger and try to see things from his POV. You were presumably off for around three months? Then came back to work until the weather got nice when you went off again and now your sick note runs out last week and the business needs you back and he doesn't know if you will be back? It's understandable he's got in touch tbh.
Clearly he doesn't understand HG and his cover issues aren't your problem but I do think you have a responsibility to him as well. Were you planning to go back next week? Because if you're extending your sick note you should tell him now.

allthecheese · 06/07/2017 20:58

This makes me so angry. You poor thing. I have no advice, but all the sympathy. I am 13 weeks, am only feeling a bit sick, but still struggle.

HipsterHunter · 06/07/2017 21:00

Well it wasn't a great email, but having an employee who is off sick for 3 months isn't great either for the business.

Original poster
joojoobean99 · 06/07/2017 21:03

Imamouseduh I had been off from 8 weeks to 21 weeks because my sickness was severe and I was housebound, but this is irrelevant to my post.

Thanks for all other replies, I just feel really pissed off since I read that email cos I don't like being told to "make an effort" when I'm feeling so shitty all the time. I feel guilty as it is not being at work but I keep reminding myself that my health and my baby's health comes before anything else. I think I'll wait until I've calmed a bit down before I write a response! 😡

OP posts:
Original poster
joojoobean99 · 06/07/2017 21:05

NorthernLurker - how am I to know how I'll be feeling in a weeks time? I am currently signed off due to severe nausea so I can't predict how I'm going to be feeling! And I really don't appreciate your comment about getting signed off when the weather turns nice. The point I'm making is that I am too ill to work and shouldn't be harassed by my boss when signed off.

OP posts:
Original poster
joojoobean99 · 06/07/2017 21:06

Allthecheese - thank you, it's nice that someone else knows how difficult pregnancy can be for some people! Flowers

OP posts:
CotswoldStrife · 06/07/2017 21:09

I think you have misread NorthernLurker's post, they were looking at the situation from the perspective of your boss.

I can see both sides of the issue - HG is awful and there's no question about, but small companies have a hard time covering long-term absence of any kind whether is it maternity or sickness.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/07/2017 21:10

That's awful!!!

I'm a nurse and within 6 weeks of getting my BFP my role had to change.

I was initially signed off when 6 weeks pregnant because of horrendous sickness and ultimately ended up being off sick for 4 weeks out of a 6 week period. When I did return to work when I was about 13 weeks pregnant I was on non-clinical duties because of how badly the pregnancy was affecting me. I was then seen by Occupational Health when I was about 17 weeks pregnant and I was put on reduced hours alongside being non-clinical.

I was then signed off again when I was about 21 weeks pregnant and will be off sick for the remainder of my pregnancy.

I do however have outside health issues that have caused this but in general my Managers have been very understanding.

I do appreciate though that the NHS is very different to working for a small company.

You really shouldn't be made to feel guilty though.

Do you have a work policy about sickness whilst pregnant and how you should be treated?

MeanAger · 06/07/2017 21:10

He's out of order for telling you to make an effort to come in. As far as I know he isn't allowed to do that.

If I was feeling particularly playful I might go into work and vomit everywhere.

Brittbugs80 · 06/07/2017 21:15

Might it be worth starting maternity earlier if you are unable to work?

Original poster
joojoobean99 · 06/07/2017 21:17

Writerwannabe83 This is the problem of working for a small company, there are no rules in place (as far as I know, no one has ever been pregnant there before) so no option for being referred to OH or having any sort of assessment. I don't get company sick pay, only SSP (which is almost impossible to live off) so being off work does not benefit me in any way.

OP posts:
Imamouseduh · 06/07/2017 21:22

How is my question irrelevant? You've been off a lot, for a small company that is difficult to manage and it's a two way street for you to work together for the best outcome, isn't it? You should start your maternity leave early.

Fishbiscuits · 06/07/2017 21:26

You cannot be disciplined for pregnancy related sickness and you cannot be made to start your maternity leave until four weeks before the week of your due date. Don't let him pressure you.

Original poster
joojoobean99 · 06/07/2017 21:31

Imamouseduh I am already starting my mat leave 6 weeks early because I've been so unwell. I should not be forced to go any earlier than that, and I am entitled to be off with pregnancy related illness if required. I assume you've never suffered with HG?!?!

OP posts:
Brittbugs80 · 06/07/2017 21:36

When did you get signed off this time?

d270r0 · 06/07/2017 21:36

Pretty sure that if you take off a certain amount of time due to pregnancy illnesses they can force matenity leave to start early. Worth looking up

Writerwannabe83 · 06/07/2017 21:39

You cannot be disciplined for pregnancy related sickness and you cannot be made to start your maternity leave until four weeks before the week of your due date. Don't let him pressure you.

Absolutely.

I was told by OH that I was not to work from 30 weeks pregnant and must start my Maternity Leave then. I knew they could not force me to do this and rang my Union to confirm it, who did. If you are not well enough to be at work then you get signed off sick, do not start Maternity earlier.

In the NHS you can be signed off sick until 36 weeks pregnant but then you must start M/L so that's what I am doing.

HipsterHunter · 06/07/2017 21:40

I'm sure you've probably been told a million times but women with shag generally find the newborn baby bit a pice of cake because you aren't feeling like death all the time!

My friend had HG and spent most of her pregnancy in hospital on a drip, she's self employed so it was a disasters financially.

Original poster
joojoobean99 · 06/07/2017 21:43

I can't be forced to take mat leave any earlier than I am already taking it (6 weeks early). And I also don't expect to be judged for the time I have already had off in this pregnancy due to HG.

I just wanted to know if I was being unreasonable to be angry that I am being told to make an effort to go back to work when I am currently signed off, without my boss even asking if there's any adjustments that could be made to make my return to work easier, or even a "are u feeling any better?". I don't appreciate being made to feel bad for any time off I've had previously.

OP posts:
Fishbiscuits · 06/07/2017 21:48

Sorry joojoo I missed it out from my reply (although I think it's pretty obvious what I think already)

YANBU

BabsGanoush · 06/07/2017 21:56

Can you make some suggestions to your boss? Ask for an air con unit, and if you can reduce your hours?