Rubbish pregnancy, having time off work - AIBU?

[joojoobean99]

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and have had a pretty rough pregnancy so far. Suffered with HG until about 21 weeks, then it settled down for 4-5 weeks so I was able to go back to work, but the hot weather that started a few weeks ago triggered the nausea again so my GP has signed me off until next week.

I had an email from my boss today (I work for a tiny company so my boss is actually one of the partners) telling me that I need to make an effort to go into the office next week as other people are going on holiday (so basically there will be no one there doing my job). I feel super angry about it, cos a) he didn't even ask if my nausea had improved at all and whether there were any changes that could be made to accommodate me at work (i.e. There's no air con and no windows, so sitting in an office like a greenhouse would just make my sickness worse), and b) he's not allowed to contact me if I've been signed off to tell me to "make an effort" to go into the office!

My husband said it's not a big deal and he's obviously desperate for me to be there as he's trying to run his business, but here I am feeling sick 24/7 knowing that I'll feel even worse if I'm forced into work unwillingly. AIBU? Is this just pregnancy making me feel pissed off or do I have a genuine reason to feel like this?

Go to work. Throw up on boss's shoes. Do not look even vaguely sorry.

I had HG as well and was off work from week 6 to week 21. I lost a huge amount of weight and weighed far less at 21 weeks than I did pre pregnancy so it was probably easier for my colleagues to accept as I looked ill and not at all pregnant lol You might be ok the further on you get and not have to start your maternity leave early. I found the last 6 weeks the best of my whole pregnancy, why don't you see how you get on.

It is out of order your boss asking you to make an effort but having worked for a small family business I see how hard it is, if it's any consolation he probably didn't like having to send you that.

Fingers crossed you feel better soon

Yanbu for being angry. Whether you were off sick pregnant or not, they can't outwardly ask when you are coming back to work.

However if it's a small company, I can see why they are frustrated. Without this current sickness, you've already been off for 13 weeks out of 30 and now you've been off another few weeks and not returning till next week where if all goes well, you are there for 5 weeks then gone again for 9 months.

I'm guessing your workload has been covered by your colleagues, however they are now going on holiday. Your boss has every right to know if you are back or not so he can arrange cover if not. I know you can't tell how you will be feeling but an indication nearer the time wouldn't be unreasonable.

Unless you take sick from now till maternity starts? At least then he knows it's now time to get your maternity cover started.

I'd be pissed off too. I had a complicated pregnancy (my kidneys swelled so uti's that wouldn't shit despite constant antibiotics, got pre-eclampsia (controlled with shit loads of bp meds and endless monitoring appointments) and undiagnosed until 5 days before birth gestational diabetes) and felt like shit, particularly for the third trimester. I struggled into school (I'm a secondary teacher) until I was a complete mess. In the end I got signed off and my maternity leave automatically kicked in early. I felt awfully guilty as I just disappeared! The problem is some people think pregnancy is easy. Yes it's easy for a lot of people but it's also really shit for others. I think people thought I was having a lovely time at home. In reality I was either lying on the bed or sofa staring at the ceiling as I felt too shit to watch tv or read, or at endless medical appointments.

I felt a million times better after having my dd by the way, despite it being a c-section - she was breech just to cause more annoyance. Totally worth all the trouble though. I think you should reply tomorrow with a polite reply but make it clear it is not morning sickness you have and pop in a link to your condition. Tell him you will be in when you can but you can't predict how you will feel and you're not doing it on purpose.

*shift

Yes you did misread my post, I was pointing out how it looks, not how it is. I'm speaking as somebody who ended every pregnancy lighter than I started due to nausea and vomiting throughout btw.
My point us it will be easier for you and your employer if you spend your energy on communicating not being angry. Tell him you feel too sick to work ATM but you will see how next week is, make suggestions about what would make it easier. Can you work from home or do a 10 - 2 type shift which gives you plenty of time to stabilise after getting g up or sleep in if you're nauseous overnight and then you finish early to minimise fatigue, avoid travelling in rush hour and so on.

I can see it from both sides... if you are feeling up to it you can go in and help him. If you aren't then he will have to go to agency or someone else won't be able to take their leave.
The way he asked you wasn't ideal.. it was clunky and unthoughtful, but he's asking you for help. You've had a long time out of the business, it may get to the stage where it isn't sustainable for him. I hope you feel better soon

Don't go back if you're still feeling sick. It's not your problem people are on holiday! Your manager needs to find cover.

I was signed off for 6 months with HG and I know others who were off the entire pregnancy.

Put your health first. HG tends to get worse when you push yourself.

Employment law would have a field day with that email.

I understand the company issue but it isn't relevant in how they treat you. Well, it shouldn't be and isn't allowed to be.

OP, I work for the NHS and I have had hell for the last few months or so. I am 21
Weeks now and my boss is very funny with me, even demanding she calls my maternity hospital herself to confirm I have these appointments I appear to on paper 

It's horrendous, as although what they're doing is wrong, it's exhausting to fight against.

I'd reply with the responses PP have said, although not quite as unprofesh 

The way he asked you wasn't ideal.. it was clunky and unthoughtful, but he's asking you for help.

I disagree. It was more than just unthoughtful, it was bloody rude. Someone is struggling on, trying to manage the best she can, and someone basically accuses her of not making the effort?

Ludicrous

He is out of order, but I'd take the high road. Reply something like

'Unfortunately my condition is such that I cannot tell how I will feel next week, nor predict whether or not I will be signed off sick for a further period. While I understand the impact on the business, I assure you that if I were well enough to be in work I would be there.' Then add links to some information about HG and employment law about pregnancy discrimination.

I had HG and was off for 2 months from 8 weeks, back for four days (shouldn't have gone in), then off again for a week, back for about three weeks. My role had to change because I couldn't wear the PPE required for my job. Then I had SPD as well and couldn't get changed so had to be in a totally different building!

My employers were sympathetic but didn't really understand so I sent them all the information and just told them what I thought I could do. I did get sent to see Occ Health but she just agreed with everything I said (not much else they can do really, every pregnancy is different).

Fellow HG person here - I was signed off numerous times during both pregnancies and had managers slagging me off all the time 'it's only a bit of sickness!' 🙄 Nah, it's not!!
I don't think you're being U at all. I understand how terrible you're feeling and how knackered you will feel. As for being annoyed because of hormones? No. You're annoyed because you're being treated unfairly by an employer who should be following the law. Take it easy

I disagree. It was more than just unthoughtful, it was bloody rude. Someone is struggling on, trying to manage the best she can, and someone basically accuses her of not making the effort?
And he's struggling to run his business, a business that presumably can't run without staff. The few other staff - who've been covering for OP - are entitled to take time off for holiday but where does that leave the boss? Needing to know if OP is likely to be there or not! The same as he would with any other employee. She had time off and then returned, now is back off again - he just wants to know if she'll be returning again soon enough to help his business cope. Because if there aren't staff there, the business doesn't make money. And if it doesn't make money then it goes under and OP will be out of a job along with the rest. How exactly is that a good thing?
So he didn't put it well. But he's trying to run a business which isn't easy when you've no idea if staff are going to be there. Cut him some slack & try seeing it from his point of view. He's already going to be losing her for maternity leave. Maybe he wants to know if he should start that cover now. I'd swear some people have no idea how businesses actually run.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable if I'm honest.

Hi op. I do not think yabu at all. Yes perhaps it's difficult for your boss to run a small business when short staffed but that is no reason for them to be like this with you. Would they say the same to someone who was off for other reasons? I mean, is this standard form for your boss?
I have worked for a very small company before and my line manager was like this if anyone had sick leave, whatever the reason. In his head if you weren't in the office, you were skiving.

For what it's worth, I would definitely calm down before responding to them. As politely as you can explain how you are not fit enough to do your job, or much else at all at the moment. Each pregnancy is different and as much as you'd like to give them a good idea of when you'll be back, you can't, and you'd hate to make plans to come in next week and let them down at the last minute. If you're working for such a small company and do not have HR, OH or a union to back you up, it's best to keep everything as calm as possible, otherwise things might become more awkward later on.

Can I ask op, do you plan to return to work after mat leave? Work the same hours as before pregnancy?