WWyd friend to play now.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Not an aibu but a wwyd.

6 year old dd has her best friend over to play tonight. She's here till 7pm. THey had a spat on the way home and now my dd has shut herself in her room in a grump, refusing to play, engage, or speak. Luckily I have another daughter, 8, who I've asked to play with friend, and she is so friend is happy.

Wwyd?

Bollocks. Sharing isn't I want that give me that now. That's not sharing. Other child finds another stick or waits until stick is finished with.

When my daughter was this age, when there was a spat with a friend, they'd be expected to apologise to each other for 'making the other feel upset' or 'hurting their feelings'. The emphasis was on the feelings, and avoided having to go relentlessly through the 'crime' which would just re ignited their indignant feelings.
Personally, I wouldn't allow my dd to shut herself away for more than 5 mins with a guest over to play.

Gee OP get this under control. It's a silly argument and I can see why your DD is annoyed by her friends actions but she's still being rude. Get the two of them in a room together and it'll fall into place.

It matters who is to blame when one child is being punished when they've done nothing wrong other than want to have a turn with a stick for longer than the 10 seconds it must have taken to write her name.

I'd go in to her, say look, I know you're upset but you also have a duty to your guest. Let's have a hug because I'll always love you no matter what, then let's wash your face, get a bit cooler, and go and decorate digestive biscuits ( or whatever). We will talk it over later when friend has gone home.

^This

Because it's important to learn you don't live in a hermetically sealed jar, but in a world with other people. And that you have to learn to get along with others

I just don't think you should have to give something up to someone else the second they ask for it. Especially if they are the kind of person who ruins what you were doing out of spite!

Adults don't 'share' things in this manner.

Dissecting the nitty gritty of a 'crime' in a desperate attempt to find blame where there is probably equal blame is such a destructive thing to teach children. Teaching how to move on, teaching conflict resolution is a far more valuable skill and one that clearly (given some of the comments by people on this thread getting extremely wound up and quite nasty about the little friend) some adults struggle with.

Squabbles happen quickly they blow up in a second and fault usually lies between the two. There is no suggestion that the friend demanded the stick right now - Op's DD had written her name friend asked if she could play that game and was told no. friend loses rag, OP's DD gets upset.
They are six, they had a spat.
I really wonder how some people cope if they gets so over invested in kids squabbles, and are so keen to make one child the 'criminal'. Your lives must be an exhausting round of outrage and righteousness.

She didn't say that she couldn't play the game. She just didn't want to immediately give over the stick. No-one is suggesting picking apart the squabble with the children. I just feel very sorry for the dd who is being told she can't have friends over because she doesn't let them have whatever they want.

And that you have to learn to get along with others

Agreed, but it works both ways, children shouldn't be taught to give up their things the minute someone demands it. Girls are taught to be people pleasers enough as it is. The other child sounds bossy.

I actually feel for your daughter a bit, she is probably seething at the injustice of it all even if she has been a bit rude to her guest.

DD didn't start it. But it wasnt a big deal.

I would ask friend if she would rather stay or go home.

If she is happy to stay and play then great.

Update.
Well done wise mumsnetters, all 3 happily playing now.
I've explained to dd2 that you can't treat guests like that. She understands. We all 4 made pancakes together for tea, whilst I was at my most entertaining to make them all laugh. Dd2 and friend apologised to each other for stick debacle. All good. Well done everyone, thank you x

Great parenting!

Actually Corbyn that is your interpretation. Op simply says DD refused,by which I assume she said no. Now that could mean 'not yet' or it could mean 'never' six year olds tend to be less sophisticated in both their use of language (ie not understanding their reply may be seen in another way from how they meant it) and in their understanding of it (thinking a no always means never) we don;t know what the DD meant as we weren't there.

Might not even be clear if we were. We don;t know what the friend understood by the reply.

You are claiming things happened when you don't know, to support your argument, because you are obsessed with blaming the friend, because for some reason you have got yourself very invested in a squabble between two children you do not know. That is bizarre.

I feel sorry for the DD who is being told she can't have friends over because she doesn't let them have whatever they want - you are spectacularly missing the point - DD is being told she can't have friends over because she showed poor conflict resolution and ran off and sulked rather than working with the other child and her mum to sort it out and move on. And the situation you describe of 'not letting someone have what ever they want' only happened in your head - we haven't been given the details.

I am guessing you've got a few sharing ishoos ?

Well done OP - hopefully 'stickgate' will soon fade into oblivion as far as the kids are concerned (although obviously on MN it will continue to be an international scale incident for years to come )

You seem pretty obsessed with blaming the ops dd even though the situation is now resolved. Not that you're overinvested or anything.
I'm assuming you are the kind of parent who tuts and purses your lips and tells other children they must share every time your child wants something. Good luck with that.

I haven't blamed either child. Only you have looked for blamed - I clearly said both children had been a bit mean. Maybe you should read things a little more carefully as you deliberately misunderstopod both my remarks and the OP's account of what happened

Clearly you are the type of parents who shrieks 'my child is always right' in a hysterical bray on every possible occasion and other parents avoid you like the plague. Good luck with that. I imagine very few children enjoy playing at your house.

I taught my kids to get along with others and play nicely and kindly, and they are neither materialistic or possessive in fact both as adults are in very caring professions - so I can't have done too bad a job.

..>>Don't think your dd did anything wrong tbh. Her friend asked for the stick and she said no. Kids shouldn't have to immediately hand stuff over if they're not finished. Messing up what she had done was pretty spiteful.

I don't think your DD is at fault. Kids shouldn't have to hand over things as soon as another child asksdemandsit. Your DD wasn't finished with the stick so friend should have waited her turn or found another stick.

I agree with both of these (and others who have said similar things). If DD didn't want to share the stick (for whatever reason), that's her right. Was it the nicest way to be? Probably not. But that didn't give DD's friend the right to destroy DD's name in the mud. Where is that girl going to learn consequences for her part in the fallout if OP is bending over backwards to ensure her a nice visit, complete with replacement friend? Ofc the friend is sitting there happy...

I'd have rung up the mum and said, "sorry, but the girls have had a fight... both at fault... and I think it's best if we leave it til another day."

Well done. Good result.

Ripple, you and I both! Never met anyone else who uses this. Rarely fails, ime.