WWyd friend to play now.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Not an aibu but a wwyd.

6 year old dd has her best friend over to play tonight. She's here till 7pm. THey had a spat on the way home and now my dd has shut herself in her room in a grump, refusing to play, engage, or speak. Luckily I have another daughter, 8, who I've asked to play with friend, and she is so friend is happy.

Wwyd?

I think its a silly little argument but i wouldn't be impressed with dd.
I wouldn't let her have friends over for a while.

I can't understand the angsting over the 'blame'.
OPs DD wouldn't share stick = mean =led to other girl messing up her name. Other girl messing up the name =mean also. Both of these small girls did something a bit mean. It happens when you are six, this assigning of blame in every single little spat does not help children learn to negotiate friendships and move past minor disagreements.

The bigger picture is how do you behave when you have guests round. You are pleasant and kind and play nicely. If OP's DD chooses not to have this girl round again because of the quarrel then Ok. But for now she has invited a child round and she should play with her.
I had a friend as a child who used to run off and sulk for hours when I'd been asked round (usually because of some argument with her parents) and I'd be left on my own for hours with her parents trying to amuse me. Feeling shy and awkward and like a total tool.

Is your daughter stubborn? Would she possibly be feeling like she can't back down and play nicely? Losing face, that sort of thing?
Regarding her lack of confidence, I think I would get all the girls to lay the table for dinner together. It's an ice breaker without being pushed into being 'nice' iyswim

Why wouldn't she share the stick?

Why should she share the stick? Genuine question. Why should someone else get to play with something you are playing with just because they have asked?

At 6 you tell her you've got 5 mins to calm down them to get downstairs and you get them both to apologise for their parts/upsetting their friend and shake hands. Then they will play.

If she refuses and continues to sulk, then say no more friends over and leave her to cry. Follow through for at least a month.

Ignore the she likes dd1 more comments. Don't feed the drama she is making.

I think the idea of having them all do something together and different is good. Can you decorate digestive biscuits, for example? Sure Fire winner ime. Icing sugar in diff colours, silver balls etc, biscuits, bit of runny icing sugar to act as glue, revolting happiness for at least 45 mins.

I'd go in to her, say look, I know you're upset but you also have a duty to your guest. Let's have a hug because I'll always love you no matter what, then let's wash your face, get a bit cooler, and go and decorate digestive biscuits ( or whatever). We will talk it over later when friend has gone home.

And I agree about shake hands.

And don't leave her the option, Ime.

Leave things be - the friend is not unhappy, so no need to ring Mum, and your other DD is fine. TBH it was always a rule of mine not to interfere in childish squabbles unless injury was being inflicted. Just stay out of it; the more you get involved, the longer they will be getting over it.

I would ask her how she would feel if she was child at the friend's house and she had been invited to play but ended up playing with the sister instead.

If you've got any icing sugar, plain biscuits and sprinkles/ sweets of any sort that always brings DD and her friends back to an activity together. DD1 could join in too.

Or icecream monsters

Is not having finished with the stick being mean though? Giving up whatever you have to a friend the second they ask is a misinterpretation of sharing imo. What if the child had only just got the stick? Should they not be allowed a little go with it before having to give it up?
I always feel really sorry for kids whose parents think that sharing means drop what you have the second anyone else wants it. You see it in toddler groups where toys are prised from baffled babies hands because another child has shown an interest and the parents insist that they must share it immediately without having a turn themselves.

It's no big deal, friend could have found another stick.
To be honest, I'd take her home, teach them both a lesson.

Orlanda good call on decorating biscuits and reassurance.

Sorry orlando cross post. Its my go too tired children stretch them to hometime activity.

End of term, they're tired, it's hot, grumpy.

I'd turn on a film, get some nice snacks out, and let it play out

The stick is irrelevant. It was a stick and they're 6.

However DD needs to move on and you need to make her come out. It's not good for her to act like this and will affect her friendships if it becomes habit.

"Teach them both a lesson"

They're 6. End of day, end of term, they're being silly.

They were both at fault, but it's only up to the OP to discipline her child - who seems to be doing it for her by removing herself from the playdate!

No further wise words OP but perhaps good to reassure DD2 later that friend came to play with her and DD2 refused so DD1 helped, not that friend prefers DD1?

Part of getting along with others is learning that sometimes you can use something someone else is using and sometimes you need to wait.

Well said FrancisCrawford.

It always puzzles me when parents say, but why should my DD/DS share?

It sounds like DD had written her name and guest wanted to do the same.

I don't think your DD is at fault. Kids shouldn't have to hand over things as soon as another child asksdemandsit. Your DD wasn't finished with the stick so friend should have waited her turn or found another stick.

Waiting nicely until someone is finished with something is just as valid a social skill as sharing. The friend in the op is going to have a difficult time if she goes around ruining people's things because they wont give her stuff straight away. Sharing means playing with stuff together and taking turns. Not necessarily having to give stuff up the second someone else wants it.

It really doesn't MATTER who is "to blame"

They're six!

Shit like this happens all the time when you're 6. It's how it's dealt with afterwards that OP needs help with .