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Original poster

After miscarriage

37 replies

curlywurlyzonedout · 05/07/2017 22:38

I've had a miscarriage. I have a DD who is 4 and my DH and I are desperate to give her a sibling.

The only thing is that I am absolutely terrified of having another miscarriage.

Aibu to ask you to share with me some positive stories about conceiving again after a miscarriage? It would be much appreciated as we've not told people IRL.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 05/07/2017 22:47

I've had 5 MC's and have 3 children - 1 before DD1, 1 Before DD2 and 3 before DD3 - all early - pre 12 weeks - not sure that helps at all but I just kept going x

ghostyslovesheets · 05/07/2017 22:48

oh and I am very sorry for your loss x

britespark1 · 05/07/2017 22:53

I miscarried my first pregnancy. We conceived our eldest DS the following month although to this day the dates make no sense to me. We have 3 DC altogether now and that was my only miscarriage. So sorry to hear about your loss.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 05/07/2017 23:00

Oh I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

I had three miscarriages after my first one (ttc for only two months so though the second one would also be a doddle) we were referred for tests after the third - and while we were waiting for the results I got pregnant with the little person now determined not to sleep and keeping me awake.

Hope that helps in some way. I know how shitty it is. But hoping positive stories will help. X

Goodbuycat · 05/07/2017 23:17

I'm so sorry about your miscarriage. If it helps at all, I have had 7 but still have 4 brilliant children. 4 before my first baby, 1 after my second baby and 2 after my third baby. Really just wanted to say that although it's incredibly tough, it's definitely worth it to keep on trying. Sending you lots of luck.

Talkingfrog · 05/07/2017 23:21

I'm sorry. Sending a hug.

We had icsi and whilst both implanted we lost one around 6.5 weeks. Not the same circumstance but I assume it was an issue with that particular embryo as the other is now a determined 6 yr old.
Can the doctor give any indication as to why it may have happened do they can try and treat the cause.

I do know though know a number of people who have had a happy and healthy child after having a loss.

Take car of yourself.

Muffintop101 · 05/07/2017 23:23

I've also had 5, consecutive, between first and second children. If you can bear it, don't give up hope. The next one might stick. All mine were also before 12 weeks. Xx

choccybuttonshelpeverything · 05/07/2017 23:24

I'm in a similar position at the moment. No advice I'm afraid. I currently feel totally defeated after this mc. 😢

Tapandgo · 05/07/2017 23:28

3 miscarriages, two heathy sons followed eventually.

SupermanStoleMyPants · 05/07/2017 23:30

Sorry for your loss Flowers

I miscarried the month before I fell pregnant with Ds. Tbh I don't even know how Ds happened as dh and I had decided to stop ttc for a while to morn the loss. We deliberately missed what should have been my fertile window, and yet my two week old boy is cuddled on my chest right now. He's my little miracle.

Dh says he has super sperm Grin

Be kind to yourself and I hope you get good news soon.

DoJo · 05/07/2017 23:30

Sorry for your loss. I had two miscarriages between my children and now have a perfectly healthy toddler, so it can and does happen. Good luck.

steppemum · 05/07/2017 23:44

I have had 4 miscarriages, and have 3 children.

The miscarriages were spread between the kids: mc, dc1, mc, mc, dc2, mc, dc3.

I know that might not be what you want to hear, but looking back, I am so glad I continued. I did go and see a consultant at one point and he said as I had a dc who had gone to term and was fine, then it ruled out most of the problems that cause miscarriage and it was just very bad luck to have so many.

I am so glad I have my 3, and didn't stop at one.

Madwoman5 · 05/07/2017 23:51

Older mum, gynae issues. double miscarriage in P1. 3 months break, dc1, 3 years dc2. Terrified throughout both pregnancies.
You never forget but you learn to live with it.
Give yourself time and keep talking to one another. This was a baby, not a thing (as I was told). You are allowed to grieve and you are allowed to move on when you are ready. Don't let fear stop you trying for child.

Dixiestamp · 06/07/2017 00:39

I had 3 m/c (two of them missed miscarriages) after struggling for years with infertility. I went on to have the most gorgeous baby boy, who had a little sister a couple of years later. So sorry to hear of your miscarriage- it really is an absolutely dreadful time- but just wanted you to know there can be the most fantastic light at the end of the tunnel.

toomuchtooold · 06/07/2017 09:18

IDK if this is something you think would help, but recurrent miscarriage testing can be done privately for about £800. As a pp said, the fact that you already have a child rules out a lot of the reasons for recurrent miscarriage but not all of them. Maybe if the reaming causes were ruled out you would feel reassured, at least that your chances of another miscarriage were no higher than normal?

GrapesAreMyJam · 06/07/2017 09:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mimi14 · 06/07/2017 09:24

So sorry for your loss. My DS was 3 when I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks... we were so worried to try again as, like you, we were terrified of it happening again. We decided to give it another try as we were desperate for a sibling for DS.

4 months after the miscarriage I got pregnant again. I'll be honest, I was a nervous wreck the entire pregnancy. I was violently sick before scans as I was so scared, but everything was fine. Had a really healthy pregnancy and DD was born at home 8 days past her due date!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 06/07/2017 09:27

We had IVF with ICSI, miscarried on our second round. We were devastated, but I'm now 35 weeks pregnant with a little boy from our third round and over the moon!

I'm so sorry for your loss, give yourself time to grieve. Flowers

DeepBlueLake · 06/07/2017 09:33

I've had 4 miscarriages, one before DS1, two in between DS2 and I've just had my fourth recently, all were before 12 weeks bar one (the third mc at 13 weeks).

Both my pregnancies with the DSs were healthy.

However the most recent miscarriage has broken me, I think we will be stopping at two, I don't think I could bear another loss.

littlepooch · 06/07/2017 09:33

I'm so sorry for your loss and I can understand your fear it might happen again. I had mc, mc, DD, mmc and now 32 weeks pregnant. We were ttc for a long time before the first mc So it felt like an extra cruel blow. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve xx

Allfednonedead · 06/07/2017 09:34

when we decided to ttc again after DS, I had two miscarriages in quick succession (at 12w and 10w) and then almost immediately after had my lovely DTs.
We didn't wait to ttc again after each M/C, which apparently raises the odds of multiples, but they are a joy and a delight (now aged 4). As is 6yo DS.

fuzzywuzzy · 06/07/2017 09:39

I had five miscarriages over two years the last one was a MMC and I ended up having an SMM twice as the first failed.

I was too devastated to try again, and then unexpectedly fell pregnant in September last year. We had our baby DD a year after my MMC.

The medical staff at the hospital I had my MMC were so so lovely they kept telling me it would happen and it did. Altho I didn't believe them at the time and I just wanted to curl up in a dark room and stay there forever I hurt so much especially after my last MC.

I'm so so sorry for your loss curlywurly, your feelings are perfectly understandable. Maybe it would help you talk thro our MC with your gp or someone?

Backhometothenorth · 06/07/2017 09:40

So sorry for your loss and I completely understand how you feel. We had our first daughter then suffered two mmc's before our beautiful second daughter arrived.

Give yourself time to grieve and then one day you may begin to feel a tiny glimmer of hope that you can try again. When you do I sincerely wish you all the luck in the world Flowers

MargaretCavendish · 06/07/2017 09:41

This thread has of course attracted a lot of women with multiple miscarriages (and I'm one of them too) but I'm worried it might be frightening you unnecessarily. After one miscarriage you're statistically at no greater odds of having one in a second pregnancy than anyone else. They think that between one in four and one in five 'known' pregnancies miscarry, but only 5% of women have two in a row and only 1% have three in a row. Obviously it happens (again, it has to me!) but at this point there is no reason to think it will to you. I know lots of women (including my mum) who had one miscarriage and then a completely healthy pregnancy the next time - and, statistically, those women are much more common than women like me. And you've already carried one child to term, so your odds are even better. I remember finding it incredibly frustrating that my GP wasn't at all concerned about my first two losses - but remember, that's because the overwhelming likelihood is that everything will be fine in your next pregnancy.

Queenofthestress · 06/07/2017 09:44

I had a miscarriage last October, then conceived DD 6 months later(ish) as soon as my implant broke, she was determined to be born

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