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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

After miscarriage

37 replies

curlywurlyzonedout · 05/07/2017 22:38

I've had a miscarriage. I have a DD who is 4 and my DH and I are desperate to give her a sibling.

The only thing is that I am absolutely terrified of having another miscarriage.

Aibu to ask you to share with me some positive stories about conceiving again after a miscarriage? It would be much appreciated as we've not told people IRL.

OP posts:

MargaretCavendish · 06/07/2017 09:47

For that reason, I'd also really resist the (well meant, I'm sure) suggestion upthread that you have recurrent miscarriage testing. You're not a recurrent miscarrier and there's a reason the NHS doesn't offer investigations to women who have had one - it's a lot of time, money and anxiety for you when your odds of having an underlying problem are so low. Given that most women who are recurrent miscarriers are 'unexplained' there really is very little that testing would give the vast majority of women in your situation.

EdmundCleverClogs · 06/07/2017 10:09

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also had a pre-12 week miscarriage. I fell pregnant with my first a few months after and currently 14 weeks gone with my second. Every woman I know in my family has sadly had one, in fact I would go as far as saying most women will probably suffer an early miscarriage (chemicals are usually missed). There's not enough information for women about early pregnancy - a miscarriage isn't uncommon and it doesn't mean that there will be trouble getting pregnant and carrying to term in the future. Of course, if it happens three or more times you should possibly consider talking to a doctor. I'm sorry for your loss, be kind to yourself.

LBOCS2 · 06/07/2017 10:20

I was going to say something similar to Margaret. Miscarriages are awful, and I'm sorry you've experienced it - but they're also extremely common. Between 20-25% pregnancies end in one. Which sounds like a lot - but it's actually a roundabout way of saying that 75-80% don't. The odds are still very much on your side.

I had three miscarriages before having DD1. I now have two DDs, with no problems in between.

LoudestRoar · 06/07/2017 10:38

So sorry for your loss. I had a mc between ds1 and ds2. For my own experience, it was absolutely a horrible thing to go through, but for the most part, I'm ok. It took me about 9 months to fall pregnant again. I was worried until I had my scan (mc at about 8 weeks) and after that, I was able to enjoy my mc.
Please be kind to yourself and don't put any pressure on yourself if you do decide to try again. I was testing every month, it cost me a small fortune in tests....

PlatinumDollFace · 06/07/2017 12:30

So sorry for your loss

My DP and I were TTC and fell pregnant within 3 months. Unfortunately I had a MC at 8 weeks. Whilst not for everyone, we decided the best way forward for us was to continue TTC and 10 months later I fell pregnant again and i'm currently 32 weeks. It has been a scary time and I was extremely anxious this whole pregnancy but thankfully the NHS has given me a lot of support and I got early reassurance scans at 8 & 10 weeks.

I agree with Margaret, a lot of posters have had recurrent miscarriages but this does not mean it will happen to you. I am proof of that.

Be kind to yourself.

whippetwoman · 06/07/2017 12:36

I miscarried a twin pregnancy between DC2 and DC3. Two months after the miscarriage I was pregnant again and it was fine. It made me a bit paranoid about the subsequent pregnancy but I think that's natural. Only one of my friends with kids hasn't had a miscarriage actually.
So sorry it has happened to you - fingers crossed for a successful pregnancy for you soon.

Original poster

curlywurlyzonedout · 06/07/2017 22:46

Thanks ladies. I think I'm worried I'm in the small percentage who just continue to have them. having carried a baby full term and falling pregnant twice with relative ease is something to be thankful for

OP posts:

superj · 06/07/2017 23:29

Sorry for your loss.

I had a MMC after DD, and get pregnant 2 months after. Was so worried all through pregnancy of ds, and it took away some of the enjoyment or magic of pregnancy. I had a small bleed at 34 weeks and although thankfully all was fine i was so anxious something would go wrong.i had trouble telling people I was pregnant with DS as was worried something would go wrong so I was walking around with a 20 week + bump without telling friends etc, people must have wondered why I keep it a secret so long!

But, there was shoot ending in the end as DS is 18months and full of trouble!

I also found myself comparing the gap in between the kids ages with other families and wondering what a smaller gap would have been like...still do that to some extent even now

MargaretCavendish · 07/07/2017 08:26

Oh sweetheart, I really feel for where you are just now. I think everyone worries that they'll be in that percentage after one - and, unfortunately, your next pregnancy will almost certainly be a more anxious one. Sadly, no one can tell you whether or not you'll be in that percentage beforehand - you have to keep trying while trying to keep your spirits high (I know how hard that is) and in the knowledge that it is more likely by far that your next pregnancy will succeed than than it'll fail.

nornironrock · 07/07/2017 09:28

Such a horrible thing for parents to go through, you have my sympathies. We had two before our first child, and another before the second. It was awful, but worth the pain in the end.

I hope you have the family you wish for soon!

flownthecoopkiwi · 07/07/2017 09:35

We had our first and then after 3.5 years fell unexpectedly pregnant. We hadn't been really trying but not really careful either. After a first problem free pregnancy I just thought this would be the same. But after a couple of weeks I felt different than i expected to feel (boobs stopped being sore) so booked a private scan and it revealed that it wasn't growing as well as it should have been and i lost it soon afterwards.

I was devastated too, and as I was 39 thought is that it for us? After waiting a few months due to other factors, we tried again and four months later fell pregnant with DS. It was a perfectly normal pregnancy but i never lost the fear something would go wrong. I felt that the naivety i had had in my first pregnancy had been shattered. Talking about it with my friends though i found out that many of them had gone through similar things but no one shares it. you either hear about people who never had one or those who only have miscarriages with no children. I think the reality is more my experience.

Norma27 · 07/07/2017 09:37

I had a mmc at 16 weeks in between my two children. I got pregnant again a few months later and now have a healthy 3 year old. Take care of yourself as it is an awful thing to go through xx

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