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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I felt angry at baby DD.

61 replies

BertAndKhloe · 05/07/2017 13:54

Poor DD has been crying and restless since she woke up this morning. Temp/nappies/feeding as normal. She hasn't been napping so possibly over tired.
Anyway I had a moment when I snapped. I felt so angry with DD because the crying just hasn't stopped I can't soothe her. I put her in her basket and sat in the hallway crying. I feel so bad as I've never felt this way towards her before. I just wanted to walk out the house and leave her.
Is it reasonable to feel like this from time to time?

OP posts:

rabbitcakes · 05/07/2017 13:56

Yup totally normal. Have a cup of tea, deep breath, hob nob or two and cuddle your baby. It'll pass- promise.

Not a day goes by without me muttering 'for fucks sake' under my breath.

NellieFiveBellies · 05/07/2017 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minxmumma · 05/07/2017 14:01

Of course it is - I still feel like that with the 20yr old just wish I could put her somewhere safe while I have 5 minutes peace to drink a hot cuppa.

Put her down, walk away, turn the radio up and have some tea. DD will be fine and you will feel better. Most if not all of us have been there. X

hana32 · 05/07/2017 14:02

It's reasonable to feel like that, it sounds really tough and upsetting for you. However I would never leave my baby alone to cry. Is there anyone who can help you out?

PsychoPumpkin · 05/07/2017 14:08

Totally normal! My son would have so many days like this, where it seemed nothing would stop the crying. We'd both be crying sometimes.
Take a few minutes for yourself.

wowsertrousers · 05/07/2017 14:15

Ohh hugs. I felt this way every day for the first 6 months, and off and on till my dd was 2.5 or 3. She just would not stop screaming in the early months. Some babies are tougher to care for than others. Some experience unsettled periods during developmental leaps more intensely than others. It does get better, i promise. My daughter is a sweet and loving 5 yr old now who i love to hang out with (most days!) and baby no 2 is a total delight and so easygoing by comparison.

It's totally normal to feel as you do. However, while i agree that putting baby in a basket and walking away is preferable to risking losing your temper, personally i feel uncomfortable with it as a recommendation generally. Babies cry to communicate a need; walking away obviously does nothing to address that need. On the other hand, frazzled parents have needs too. So i dunno.

Is there anyone around who can help? My problem was that during the day til my husband got home, i had no one. If you have friends or family locally, don't be shy in asking for help.

Hope your day improves soon.

Whatsername17 · 05/07/2017 14:26

I regularly had to put a screaming dd1 down for 5 minutes and felt the same. Feed her, change her nappy then go out for a long walk with her in thr pram. The fresh air will do you both good.

BeyondThePage · 05/07/2017 14:30

Totally normal - you made sure she was safe and walked away to compose yourself (a good cry on the stairs cures many ills!)

I used to put mine in the pram and walk round the block (about 1/4 mile) - sometimes once would do it, my record was 23 - but I felt better and slept well that night!

LumelaMme · 05/07/2017 14:30

I had quite a few moments like that.

In fact, the most zen mother I know did too, when her DC were little.

I used to contemplate raiding the savings account and buggering off to Rio. I never got further than the kettle in the kitchen.

chupsmelad · 05/07/2017 14:30

Congratulations, you're human .

You poor thing. I think you did exactly the right thing - if you feel your patience going, the best thing you can do is pop her down and head to another room to compose yourself.

Yes I know it's not good to leave them to cry and all that, but you have to recognise the limits of your patience and be able to walk away when you need to. I agree with others that it's not something we should be doing as a matter of course, but let's be very clear: shaking babies IS a thing (though it's usually not mothers who do it TBH) and it's better to walk away for a few minutes than to risk snapping.

I had those moments with my son occasionally, when I just wanted to go running out of the house and away from it all. Said son is now seven, very healthily attached and we have a great bond.

Louiselouie0890 · 05/07/2017 14:31

Normal. Don't feel bad you definitely the right thing put her somewhere safe and had a good cry.

2littlemoos · 05/07/2017 14:32

Yep definitely had more than a handful of those moments with my DD2!

ArchieStar · 05/07/2017 14:32

Another one here who has done that!

You're not alone OP

Topseyt · 05/07/2017 14:33

It's normal. We all had or have days like that.

How old is she? Perhaps she could be teething, as that can explain the constant crying and tetchiness.

thatorchidmoment · 05/07/2017 14:34

Completely fine. They can't communicate what exact thing they want at that point in time, and it is completely overwhelming, so sometimes all you can do for your sanity is put them down safely and take a short break. Have a cry and a cup of tea, then you will feel up to another go.

GirlInTheDirtyShirt · 05/07/2017 14:35

It's totally reasonable to feel how you do. If you have someone screaming at you, not letting you sleep, and your whole world's quite recently been turned upside down because of said someone's arrival, it's quite hard to maintain saintly levels of calm. Everyone has a breaking point. While it's true that babies cry because of their needs, you also have needs. Like on an aeroplane where parents have to put on their oxygen mask first before seeing to their children, it's the same thing here. You need to care for yourself in order to be the best parent you can be. Try and find mum and baby groups or Facebook groups in your area and get out of the house, even if you're knackered and don't feel like it. Just being with other adults who can empathise works wonders for your mental health.

HellonHeels · 05/07/2017 14:36

Poor you! Relentless crying is horrible and its awful feeling that you can't get it right and soothe the baby. Hope she settles soon, you haven't done anything wrong

TheWeeWitch · 05/07/2017 14:36

Yep. Normal

for you OP x

BlurryFace · 05/07/2017 14:38

You're fine, yes to putting her down for five while you have a cry/cuppa/snack to regroup.

I was a very colicky baby and my dad once snapped and pushed my pram to the bottom of the garden so he couldn't hear me anymore. Not recommending that, of course, but the feeling of being driven bonkers by a constantly screaming baby and wanting to get away is completely normal.

ButtMuncher · 05/07/2017 14:42

Completely and utterly normal. It's also completely normal for those of us who had unfussy newborns/babies too - I felt a lot of guilt as I'd get frustrated with my (now 10mth old) DS and reality was he was a very chilled baby in the early days. Because he was chilled 70% of the time, that 30% really fucking threw me.

Nothing prepares you for motherhood and the relentless of it

HeyRoly · 05/07/2017 14:43

I've been there.

Crying is very hard to listen to, particularly when you just can't seem to help them. It's so frustrating.

My son is 2 and a terrible whinger. I frequently tell him to stop moaning because he has nothing to moan about

TheSparrowhawk · 05/07/2017 14:48

Yup normal. You have to get out of the house every day or you'll have more moments like this. Being indoors with a baby for too long sends you mad IMO.

If she's having a whingey morning like this again, stick her in the buggy and go for a long walk. You'll definitely feel better and she may sleep.

BeBeatrix · 05/07/2017 14:48

It's definitely normal. I'm not even a mother, and I know this from friends who are.

Only a bad (or very ill) mother would act on the impulse to leave (or even lash out at) the baby But my impression is that even all the best, most loving mothers, have that resentful or desperate impulse sometimes.

justkeepswimmingg · 05/07/2017 14:54

Very normal OP. We've all been there, including myself. I can't even count the times I had to just put my DS in his cot, with the door shut, leaving him to cry just so I could compose myself. I'd end up siting on the stairs crying, and then would see to my DS to try again. Sometimes all you need is 5 minutes. Being a mum is hard work, don't be hard on yourself.

requestingsunshine · 05/07/2017 14:55

Completely normal, we've all been there so don't worry! How old is your dd could she be teething? You could try some teething gel or a small amount of calpol.

You did exactly the right thing btw, just take 5 minutes, some deep breaths, a cup of tea and then go back for round 2. It does get better!

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