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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I felt angry at baby DD.

61 replies

BertAndKhloe · 05/07/2017 13:54

Poor DD has been crying and restless since she woke up this morning. Temp/nappies/feeding as normal. She hasn't been napping so possibly over tired.
Anyway I had a moment when I snapped. I felt so angry with DD because the crying just hasn't stopped I can't soothe her. I put her in her basket and sat in the hallway crying. I feel so bad as I've never felt this way towards her before. I just wanted to walk out the house and leave her.
Is it reasonable to feel like this from time to time?

OP posts:

Original poster

BertAndKhloe · 05/07/2017 14:57

Thank you all. We do go out every day. We walk and walk and walk! I've never walked so much in my life. As another PP said she is in general a very good baby. Today just knocked me for six.
OH's grandparents have taken her for a walk so I have an hour or so to just chill!
Just for clarification I didn't leave her to cry in her basket very long. I was sat on top of the stairs for two/three minutes to catch my breath.

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 05/07/2017 15:02

BertAndKhloe totally normal.

You put her in her safe place and you cried, all good.

You felt like walking out but did not.

The heat may be effecting her and her naps, is the room the right temperature for naps?

If this persists maybe speak to health visitor and see what you can do.

UndersecretaryofWhimsy · 05/07/2017 15:03

Been there. On one occasion when DS just would. not. sleep. I snapped, shouted "FINE!", put him down rather abruptly, and left the room for 5mins to take deep breaths.

Then I came back and got on with it. A few minutes of leaving the room to compose yourself is far preferable to staying and losing it. Don't beat yourself up, and remember if the worst comes to the worst, crying is always less unbearable in the open air :)

Cadenza1818 · 05/07/2017 15:05

Another totally fine from me. Although no amount of reassurance makes you feel better! Definitely walking helped. Just keep walking! For some reason I could cope with the crying of I was out walking!

Liiinoo · 05/07/2017 15:05

Oh poor OP. We've all been there! I used to sit in the shed and cry - before going on a long walk.

They are grown up now and I miss those days!

PoppyTree · 05/07/2017 15:06

YANBU. You'd have to be a robot to not feel pissed off and angry and frazzled at least some of the time!

JayoftheRed · 05/07/2017 15:08

My son, 4, has started wailing at everything. Usually because he can't have his own way, or he's done something he shouldn't and knows he's going to get a telling off, but quite often he starts crying for no reason that I can see. It does my absolute head in.

He has a fairly loud wail at the best of times and doesn't hesitate to use it! He then sets his little brother (1) off, so I often have them both yelling their heads off. I've joined them once or twice! I wish I could put them in a basket (I've threatened them with the shed before!) and have a calming cup of tea, but sadly, they are too big now, although I can put the baby in his cot.

Deep breath, cup of tea, perhaps a biscuit and then give her a cuddle and go for a walk, or a splash in the paddling pool. This heat isn't helping. Don't feel bad, we've all been there!

Madonna9 · 05/07/2017 15:11

Yes, this is normal.
Being a mum is hard and not knowing why your baby is crying and trying everything to help her is hard. Yo go through many emotions, from anger to despair to compassion/ feeling sorry for your baby. This is completely normal.

I'd do what TheSparrowHawk is saying, go for a walk if there's really nothing else you can think of. My son used to calm down once he was outside, preferably in a carrier. He loved being close to me or my husband.

Don't be too hard on yourself!

therealladygrantham · 05/07/2017 15:40

Please don't worry. I can't tell you the number of times I put my DS in his cot/pram/playpen and walked into the kitchen or garden for a good cry or scream! He used to wake up at 5ish EVERY day for years and never slept for more than 40 mins at a time in the day...sometimes I wanted to run away too. It will pass, you are doing fine, and walking away for 5 mins won't do any harm. Btw, he is in his 20's now, has no clue about what a trial it sometimes was!

PlinkyTheFairyWitch · 05/07/2017 15:42

Oh good lord, my DS never stopped screaming for the first six months! One more than one occasion, he was left in his pod while I went to the bottom of the garden for 10 minutes to regain some equilibrium. He lived, even though I threatened to throw him out the window a couple of times

Now he's just entering the terrible twos and tantrumming everywhere all the time

We've all lost it every now and again, it's part and parcel of being a parent IMO. Chin up, love, don't feel bad

FuckingSausageFingers · 05/07/2017 15:44

The most important thing here op is that you did exactly the right thing - made sure she was somewhere safe and had a breather. 100% the right way to deal with it. We've all been there.

iwannapuppy · 05/07/2017 15:51

Op, welcome to my world!

SunTrapped · 05/07/2017 18:50

Totally normal. You did the right thing taking a break.

When mine was teething I used to put her in a wrap sling and walk around with her, I wore headphones sometimes to drown out the screaming. Swaying to music or dancing with her soothed her within 15 mins or so and helped me calm down.

It will get easier.

Unmumsnetty hugs

Meowstro · 06/07/2017 11:47

A good tip someone gave me was to leave you DC somewhere safe and secure (in their cot/moses basket/swing/bouncer) and step away momentarily to have a little cry or deep breaths. They also said take each day as it comes so I'm hoping today is already going better for you, OP.

cobaltblue27 · 06/07/2017 16:21

My sister once said this to me, when I was in a similar state: if an adult was constantly oozing from almost every orifice, crying loudly, depriving everyone of sleep, and being inconsolable at regular intervals, despite everyone within a mile's radius going out of their way to ensure they are warm, fed, comfortable, happy..., then that adult would likely be interned in some kind of institution. Looking after babies is really hard work! I'm happy to say I am coming out the other side with DS2 and adore him so much at 6mos that really would like another (although DS1 at 2 and a half is pretty scary ) but there were times when I was so miserable earlier in the year.... I am so pleased everyone has written such supportive comments. You're not on your own. X

AyeAmarok · 06/07/2017 16:27

I have found my people.

I did this today.

It's hard to have a baby doing a constant crying moan in your face all day. And hitting/kicking you when you are trying to cuddle them.

KimmySchmidt1 · 06/07/2017 16:29

very good advice to take her out for a walk - up to the top of a good vantage point if possible so she can really let rip and it can carry across town like Maria Von Trapp!

Mammylamb · 06/07/2017 16:36

Totally normal. I remember having to put ds in his cot and walk into another room and growl "will you just stop fucking crying". NOt proud of it, but it wasn't loud enough for him to hear me x

CremeFresh · 06/07/2017 16:38

You're totally normal .

I tried and tried to soothe my DD by cuddling, rocking , walking etc , nothing worked.

My mum said to put her in her cot and leave her because there's no difference between her screaming in my arms and screaming in her cot .

I kept checking on her obviously but it gave me a chance to have a cuppa and regroup.

My mum also said its all a phase and will pass . Which it did X

kingfishergreen · 06/07/2017 16:43

Totally normal in my experience.

There have been moments when it takes every ounce of restraint not to shout 'JUST STOP CRYING' or 'JUST GO TO SLEEP'.

I never have, but I've felt the words in my mouth and had to walk out of the room and have a bit of a huff and puff, before pulling myself together and moving on with whatever we were doing.

UnderTheDesk · 06/07/2017 16:53

There have been moments when it takes every ounce of restraint not to shout 'JUST STOP CRYING'.

I sobbed those words at my baby DD before. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work.

Just adding to the chorus of 'totally normal'. Be nice to yourself, OP. It's very hard in the beginning.

alltalknobaby · 06/07/2017 16:55

I feel a bit tearful reading all of this. I have had about 2.5 months of DD (now 5.5 months) taking 1-2 hours to go down for a nap. Each nap. And she naps 4 times a day. Last night's bedtime took 3 hours. I regularly sit on the stairs crying and feel so angry and like such a shit mother. It's so good to read that it's normal although obviously I'm not glad to hear that other people are also going through this sort of torture

ThisMustBeThePlace · 06/07/2017 17:03

Definitely normal. My DS was an easy delight until 8 months and I couldn't have imagined it, but since then (he's now 18m) it has been such a trial that I'm fairly regularly being close to losing it and having to have a moment alone to regroup. It can be very very stressful caring for a small child and if they are crying, whinging, tantrumming, yelling, throwing, kicking, in pain, hungry, tired, or just fed up for some other reason it is especially hard. Add in trying to live your own life (hah!) work, tidy, laundry, cook, shop, discipline, take them nice places, see friends or family, maintain a relationship with a partner...

I need a lie down in a darkened room

EsmesBees · 06/07/2017 17:07

Very normal. It's so hard when you've tried everything and have no idea what they want. And all you want is a cup of tea and five minutes to have a sit down. Slings are amazing for times like this, but even they don't solve everything. I remember pounding the streets praying to a God I don't believe in to please let her fall asleep.

NicolasFlamel · 06/07/2017 17:10

Completely 100% normal and dealt with it fantastically. When you feel yourself reaching your limit you need to walk away and calm down. You did great. Tomorrow is a new day :)

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