To not go to GP as friends are suggesting?

[WasabiNell]

I'm having a rough few weeks. Three weeks ago I was coerced into an abortion by my (now ex) DP. I have since kicked him out and I'm dealing with all the emotional backlash that comes with that as well as unravelling myself from a long term relationship that I genuinely thought would last forever.

I found out this week my mum has cancer. She doesn't know about my abortion as it would destroy her and now I have to pretend I'm even more fine because my brother lives abroad, my dad is locked in a secure mental unit and there aren't any other close family capable of taking her to hospital appointments etc. Luckily I've spoken to work and they're fine with me taking time off work. I of course don't mind doing any of this and just want to concentrate on my mum and getting her better, she doesn't deserve this.

So now I find myself living alone, trying to keep myself afloat and not crack to be there for my mum who needs me right now, all whilst trying to be a normal woman in my early 20s. My friends are telling me to go to the GP because I'm clearly 'not right' but what are they going to do? They can't undo my abortion and they can't make my mum better. I just have to soldier on and hopefully this time next year everything will be a little less shit. I don't want to go on medication, I've seen what that's done to my dad. So right now the only thing I can do is keep going isn't it? AIBU not to go to the GP even though I feel like I'm drowning slightly? I swing from feeling literally nothing at all like I'm dead inside to just being sad. 5 weeks ago my life was so different .

It's not the medication that's put your dad in hospital, is it? You've had a really tough time and your doctor might recommend counselling, which would surely help, or even ADs, which can really help, too. If you don't want medication I'm sure they'll recommend other things you can do.

My daughter suffered from depression and found that yoga made a massive difference. Could you try something like that?

You're having a truly horrendous time of it, I'm so sorry.

It can't hurt, can it? They won't offer to medicate you on the spot, but having someone to talk to, just for you, when you're dealing with so much for so many other people, on the back of the trauma of your break up and abortion, won't be a bad thing. You could see what they offer in terms of referrals for counselling. It'll take a while to come through anyway but you could ask about having a few sessions to work through everything that's happened and always cancel when they come up if it doesn't feel right.

No absolutely not Imperial but it's been a downward spiral of stronger and stronger ADs and now he is basically unrecognisable. I've had counselling, I just found it exhausting and it didn't really help. I do yoga once a week at a class but should really practise at home on an evening, might be an idea to try that.

I'm sorry I think you should go to the doctors, they can talk you through options and maybe non medications ones.
Your op reminds me of my friend. She keeps "soldiering on" saying that she is fine and okay. She is clearly not. She is heading toward a nervous break down.
They may offer you counciling and don't be so quick to turn down medication.

Sometimes even just having shared your problems with the GP, and knowing they're now aware and on standby to help you try various options if you decide to do so, is a huge support. One time when I was struggling because of a very stressful job, the GP just offered to see me again in two weeks' time, and then two weeks' time again - not with any particular plan, but just because he knew that me having that in my head might help get me through.

Its different to your dad because you have what they'll call reactive depression rather than clinical and short term meds could help. Do go to GP and discuss

I had a gp refuse to sign me off when the stress got undearable because it was the first he had heard of it. I coped ok for the first 6 months whilst on ml but then when i went back to studying I really couldnt cope. I understand where you are coming from, but I think knowing your options is always a good thing.

Hi op. You suddenly have a hell of s lot on your plate and of course it's a lot to cope with. Anyone would be sad and struggling.

From your post I don't think you need medication you need good mates who have your back and look soldier on keep going and be nice to yourself.

You had the abortion because it was the right decision for you at the time. You have no need to feel guilty for doing so or to feel you ought to feel any other emotion.

Give yourself time. Another 5 weeks and things may look totally different x x

I was on the waiting list for free counselling at work before all this but cancelled it the day before my first appt because I just couldn't go. A nervous breakdown just isn't an option right now, I have 2 horses and a dog that solely rely on me and obviously my mum needs me more than ever too. And please noone suggest getting rid of the animals, they're my lifeline and the only reason I get up sometimes.

You poor thing. You've had a traumatic time of it. I'd echo what others have said. I think a trip to Drs is needed. You don't have to take medication but it might help you get through this. Best wishes

Oops sent too soon.

However talking it out with your GP? Why not? it may help

You're having an entirely normal reaction to a completely horrendous situation. Your friends probably feel completely helpless, and this is the only contribution they feel they have. They need to understand that you need time, support, and understanding, not 'fixing'. You feel awful, because right now, things are pretty awful. I'm so sorry you are going through so much at the moment.

Absolutlry animals help and are a reason to carry on.

I do have really good friends but they don't really understand if you know what I mean? They struggled with talking about my dad before all this shit happened, then with the abortion they were obviously on hand but didn't know just how bad I felt. And now this with my mum I feel like they're all thinking what the fuck is next?! They just don't really know what to say to me.

They need to understand that you need time, support, and understanding, not 'fixing'.

This 100%!! They keep saying what can I do to help and trying to insist on doing things for me or taking me out this weekend but I'm like I don't want to do anything

This is why you need to speak to someone outside your life, the GP or samaritans (they are not just for people that are suicidal contrary to popular belief) or "Talking change" which your GP would also refer you too. Friends dont know what t say but do let them try to be there for you in the ways that help you.

Agree with areyoufree you are reacting perfectly normally to very difficult life events. You just need time and support, perhaps look into counselling to offload some of this, if your friends can't or won't provide it.

I totally get where you're at. And agree with the needing support and mates, not fixing. Sometimes people want to help but they know that their input to that is limited so that's when they look to quick fix solutions to absolve them from just being a good mate.

I find that these days people are too busy in their own lives to really invest in the proper time that is required in these situations. Just one of the things with modern living. Can totally see why you don't want to go out. What would be better is if a couple of them came round for a good chin wag with a bottle of plonk instead. Or if you don't have pals that totally 'get' you, then find something that works for you. I know I've a couple of good pals I could blast off to and feel better for it but generally if something is getting me down it can't necessarily be fixed I will just get through it and put it down to another thread in life's great tapestry. Once when I was in a similar situation to yourself I did go to GP. I felt I needed to talk to someone but I got given anti depressants instead because the waiting list was 6 months to see a counsellor. I took them only for a little while but I wasn't actually depressed. I eventually paid for one session with a private counsellor who summed up perfectly how I was feeling the way I was without being judgemental. Now when faced with anything major, I too just get on with it and try and see the bigger picture. I find things to do that I like and that are therapeutic to me be it painting, walking, dancing or gardening, everyone has their thing. You can always come on mumsnet and let rip. Someone will always be here to listen. Big hugs to you xxxx

Oh Wasabi, I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. If you were my daughter I would still want you to tell me your problems despite having my own. I agree your friends are trying to suggest solutions to FIX you but time and understanding is a treatment in itself. That said it is very hard for 20-somethings who have only recently totally changed from children to adults and who don't have decades of experience to call on to support you. I don't mean that in a patronising way. Just that I find aunts and grandmas are sometimes what we need in life. Use mumsnet for support, keep talking to friends, think about confiding in your mum. Massive hugs.

Wasabi, I'm so sorry to hear everything you're going through.

I don't think you're at all unreasonable not to go to the GP. The only reason to medicalise your distress is if it's helpful for you to do so. And it sounds like you don't want to.

I do think it's good that you're thinking about how best to cope with all the extremely difficult things you're facing. Yoga can be great. And friends, and other helpful, understanding people wherever you find them. Don't face it alone

If you didn't react to all of this horrible stuff going on, THAT would be abnormal. You are reacting as normally to an awful set of circumstances. You seem like you are rational and fully aware/ realistic about how you are feeling. I think pps are right, good friends, time and understanding are what you need. Perhaps explain this to your friends.
I know meds are helpful for some but not for others. Personally, they were unhelpful - I found exercise and keeping on with things that I used to enjoy ( even on days when I felt no joy or motivation to do anything) as well as good friends and a GOOD counselor were what helped me.
Talking to your GP could explore options but I found my counselor privately and she was worth her weight in gold after trying various talk therapy options on the nhs.
I hope everything works out for you

I absolutely can't talk to my mum about what happened, she really wants grandkids and would be devastated for me and what I went through. When I do have children I want it to be an entirely happy thing for her and not be clouded with the fact I had an abortion.

That said it is very hard for 20-somethings who have only recently totally changed from children to adults and who don't have decades of experience to call on to support you.

Not patronising at all and I totally get what you mean, after dealing with my dad and his repeated suicide attempts/ hospital stays when I was about 19. My friends were the same then, didn't really know what to do or say. I don't really want to get them round and talk about it, I can tell they feel bad for me and I don't want that, I just want them to be normal and tag me in silly shit on facebook as normal and talk about Love Island

I have a mother who has spent more than her fair share of time in units like your dad is in, I feel similarly to you about ADs and have worked through two bouts of reactive depression with the support of my GP. I have been offered ADs in the past but refused, I explained why I was refusing and my GP understood and helped me to find other ways to manage the situation. I would say a chat with your GP can't hurt and might even help. You have one hell of a lot on your plate, far more than one person should have to deal with .

Thanks hell, it's hard to explain isn't it until you've seen someone so dumbed down by ADs that they're a completely different person. I may make an appointment. What do I go in and say though? That I feel like I'm not coping? Because I am coping, I get up and come to work every day. I don't want anything on my record saying I'm mentally unwell because I'm not.

I avoided medication for years, managing everything after therapy with rigorous mental discipline. But I'm knackered now! So this time around I'm going for the AD option. My GP was good, not in a hurry to prescribe, starting me on a low dose. They take a while to kick in. I just can't face having to work so hard to keep it all together all the time.

about everything you are going through.