To not go to GP as friends are suggesting?

[WasabiNell]

I'm having a rough few weeks. Three weeks ago I was coerced into an abortion by my (now ex) DP. I have since kicked him out and I'm dealing with all the emotional backlash that comes with that as well as unravelling myself from a long term relationship that I genuinely thought would last forever.

I found out this week my mum has cancer. She doesn't know about my abortion as it would destroy her and now I have to pretend I'm even more fine because my brother lives abroad, my dad is locked in a secure mental unit and there aren't any other close family capable of taking her to hospital appointments etc. Luckily I've spoken to work and they're fine with me taking time off work. I of course don't mind doing any of this and just want to concentrate on my mum and getting her better, she doesn't deserve this.

So now I find myself living alone, trying to keep myself afloat and not crack to be there for my mum who needs me right now, all whilst trying to be a normal woman in my early 20s. My friends are telling me to go to the GP because I'm clearly 'not right' but what are they going to do? They can't undo my abortion and they can't make my mum better. I just have to soldier on and hopefully this time next year everything will be a little less shit. I don't want to go on medication, I've seen what that's done to my dad. So right now the only thing I can do is keep going isn't it? AIBU not to go to the GP even though I feel like I'm drowning slightly? I swing from feeling literally nothing at all like I'm dead inside to just being sad. 5 weeks ago my life was so different .

My health records don't show me as being mentally unwell because, like you, my depressions were reactive. One was when my ex was losing his business, we were losing our house and my (then) 7 year old daughter went through an illness that almost cost us her life. The other episode was when I finally left my ex and found myself homeless, jobless and penniless. In situations like yours and mine most people would go through some kind of reactive stress, it is a completely normal reaction to extraordinary stresses.

I have recently been prescribed an AD as a final option to try to control my hot flushes (yes, I am an old fart ) but I cannot physically swallow them. The rational side of me knows it is a ridiculous reaction, the flushes control my life, if they prescribed me any other drug I would gladly take them but, like you, I have so many memories of tablets to calm you, tablets to try to lift your mood, tablets to make you sleep, tablets to wake you up. I remember a mum who wasn't able to interact with her children in anyway. i remember the bullying at school because mum was in the 'loony bin', I remember being terrified to visit her and I remember being removed from home into care so, so many times. Rationally I know it was because of her illness and not the tablets but when push comes to shove? I just can't take them.

And no, not many people get it .

What do I go in and say though?

Go in and say what you have said on here, all of the background. Say you are coping, but finding it difficult. Say you do not want medication, but want to know if there is any other support you might be able to access.

It might make you feel better to say all that stuff to someone professional and neutral. There may be some local services that the GP can refer you to.

Sorry you are going through all this

pickle I hope they're helping you hold it together.

hell that sounds so so rough and I know exactly what you mean. Very few people know about my dad because mental illness is still so stigmatised. I remember my ex asking me if I'd eventually go mental like he had and that is my biggest fear. I've kind of almost accepted that it will happen one day. And I hope they help your hot flushes

I think the dosage, the supervision, and drugs are more sophisticated than they used to be. I really think fewer people are over medicated in that way now. They used to offer sleeping pills alongside everything else, and people needed to up the dose as it became less effective.

GP may be able to reassure you about less sledge hammer like options.