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AIBU?

To bring this up or let it go? Teacher related

97 replies

Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 13:13

For background, dd is 11, and having an awful time at the moment and is being "supported" by the school child protection team. She has been finding it difficult to maintain full days at school so when end of year exams came, I was apprehensive she'd manage full days plus exams and the pressure of them, but she did.

She's not generally a snowflake or precious but I'm not sure on my judgement right now.

Dd did a French exam. She's not amazing at it but tries. They got their tests back today and part of it was a standard paragraph about them. They were asked to copy it into their French workbooks. The teacher told dd that because she hasn't done much (hello, my name is..., where she lives, what school she goes to) she had to copy from someone else to put more in.

So dd got a couple of bits from the person next to her but only bits she actually understood. After the lesson the teacher told her and another student to stay behind and do more. She gave them books to copy from. Apparently also "moaned" at them they they should have done more and they were wasting her time, that she was up until 10.30 marking and this was her break too and they should appreciate that.

Dd then added when her birthday was, how old she is, and a sentence with an adjective describe herself. She says she didn't understand other bits and her friend asked about something in the book and was cut short and told that the teacher "didn't want to hear any question, just do it".

So dd didn't want to write what she couldn't understand, and clearly couldn't ask...

Teacher then gave a lunch detention for lack of work.

Aibu to think that's a bit of overkill? Or I don't know, should dd have asked for a French dictionary and translated herself to understand and take it as a lesson learned?

We have a meeting with school tomorrow anyway regarding concerns about other aspects so wondering if this should be brought up or left?

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 18:41

I would definitely help her with it. I've always tried to support her homework/classwork where there is an issue. Nothing has been brought to my attention regarding french so as far as I'm aware this is an isolated incident in that class.

Looking at it as being asked to do something, and it not being done, I do get the frustration there. It happens as a parent, tell a child to do x and they do y and you don't know what on earth for! So yes that way, I get it. But on the face of it I do understand what dd was saying about not copying bits she didn't understand as for all she knew she could have been saying "I'm 6ft tall, Asian, have size 6 feet and love dresses". Which is not dd at all and would seem silly to write in something about herself. To clear up any confusion though, they were not told to copy a whole set peice of writing. They were told to copy some bits to add to their own work.

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Pengggwn · 05/07/2017 18:44

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 18:46

Pengggwn please do. We've had many chats over the years (both dc) about following instructions and that if you have a problem with something (at school) as long as you're not endangering yourself or someone else, just do it and talk about it afterwards and see if it can be done differently next time.

I don't think it's a case of straight up not wanting to do what she's told, more that it was meant to be about herself so she copied things that were relevant, and applied to herself.

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Pengggwn · 05/07/2017 18:48

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 18:48

Sorry I'm on my phone and a bit slow here. No I don't believe she did ask for help during the lesson unfortunately. I think she thought she was just getting on with it. She was asked in the lesson to copy some things from the person next to her, and did so. She didn't think or realise she needed help at that point.

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FrToddUnctious · 05/07/2017 18:49

It's a shame the kids don't have a vocab book with phrases translated into English to use. Dd doesn't bring text books home very often, but she does have little vocab booklets for the languages she does. It would have been useful for your dd to have something like that.
If you bring it up i would enquire politely about what happened rather than complain. You get much further doing that ime and it's good for it to be resolved amicably as the kid still has to be taught by them.

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 18:51

Well, she said she was told to "copy some bits from the person next to you" to add to her own. So she copied bits that applied to her. And yes I see the point in that.

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 18:53

FrTodd no I don't want to complain as such, she has many years there and I think teachers on the whole, do a brilliant job with little resources or thanks. But just as in my own job, if I'm a bit out of line I expect to be told, or asked about it.

Definitely getting dd a phrase book.

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PurplePeppers · 05/07/2017 18:56

I have to say I'm a bit at loss too.
I get the idea of copying what others have done. I also get the idea that they need to learn some paragraphs. And that they need to do what they asked to do.
I don't understand the point of copying something you don't understand.
Could you explain that one to me Penggw?

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zoemaguire · 05/07/2017 18:58

Guessing with 99% certainty that this teacher is French? The attitude to kids, how they learn and how it is acceptable to speak to them is diametrically opposed to the UK one. I switched systems at age 6 and it was a massive shock to the system. If I'm right, you could take it up with the teacher, but you'd be up against decades of ingrained assumptions and attitudes. Teachers belittling kids is unfortunately absolutely par for the course in France.

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randomer · 05/07/2017 18:59

this is not about French

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 18:59

Sorry. I'm a bit frayed at the moment. My main concern really, was that a paragraph "about yourself" could turn into such a big thing to require two lots of staying behind/detention for one normally well behaved child (as I said, had no complaints)who was trying to do what was asked. To write about herself.

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littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 19:00

I don't think the French teacher knows the situation, maybe an idea would be to ask him/her if your dd can please practice her French in the detention so that the time is put to good use?

So not really a detention but assistance so she can improve her French would be much more constructive given the circumstances. Also your dd will not feel bad about a catch up lesson opposed to a detention.
You can quietly slip it in about her difficulties and you would appreciate any help, extra work and support if it was possible whilst you are on the phone/at the meeting.

I would definitely raise the issue, your dd needs supporting at the moment and you don't want to take a backward step over just one detention/lack of communication.

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 19:01

The teacher is french. I had a French French teacher at school actually, she was lovely.

randomer it's not about the teacher being French, no, but it is about the subject.

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FrToddUnctious · 05/07/2017 19:01

Dd's phrase books are provided by the school for them to use in lessons and for homework. They tie in with the lessons. You'd need to check your dd would be allowed to use them in class.

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littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 19:02

Lost beyondwords.

I would not expect my dd school to give her a detention for this. No way, she needs more help not detentions.

Equally I would prob let it go as we have no issues, but if my dd was struggling like yours I would absolutely speak about it yes, because you need your dd fully supported.

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Lostbeyondwords · 05/07/2017 19:03

Littlebird that is a good idea, I don't want her to dislike the language or lesson because of one day... I will ask whwre she needs to improve and what I can do to help at home, for sure

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Pengggwn · 05/07/2017 19:07

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littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 19:09

Also was just thinking that you probably need to tell all of her subject teachers quietly about your dd, so they all understand, as clearly the school are not communicating between themselves at the moemtn. I am not sure I would be happy just to hope that they all know......

I don't know what is wrong with your dd, but if she has been unable to manage full days at school I expect she is finding her confidence again being back, she may well be feeling very fragile. I would think you need this confidence and comfort to be maintained to get her back into a normal school routine asap I would think?

Don't be afraid to talk to the teachers Lost, in my experience schools would much prefer you were straight with them, they are there to look after your dd after all, it is their job , I am sure they are happy to support you.

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zoemaguire · 05/07/2017 19:10

I'm not saying that all French teachers are awful! I'm French myself fgs. I was trying to give some cultural context to the exchange, because I read it and thought that that sounds like a very French kind of attitude - children are not expected to question the authority of a teacher, even if the request is absurd, and a very much more robust kind of way of speaking to children compared to the UK is the norm.

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Pengggwn · 05/07/2017 19:12

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littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 19:13

Zoe -

Yes that is all well and good but op has only just got her dd back to school properly, so she doesn't need her to have set backs like this, esp over what is effectively a learning issue opposed to a problem with attitude and application......the two are entirely different.

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littlebird77 · 05/07/2017 19:16

Penggwn

I am assuming you would support a child whom was clearly having a challenging time, was on a plan and had missed lots of school work and was clearly struggling to keep up?
I can't imagine that you would dismiss this out of hand, and I would hope that you would help the child in a constructive fashion to catch up?

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Pengggwn · 05/07/2017 19:18

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MsJudgemental · 05/07/2017 19:24

If she has been doing French for a year (year 7?) she should be able to write a simple paragraph about herself unless she has missed a LOT of school or has SEND. I would think that the teacher was asking her to get some ideas from a friend's work, not copy something that she didn't understand or didn't apply to her; just tweak it.

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