To want to ask, if you had your time again, and your dc were back at reception of primary school, how involved with other parents would you get ?

[LardLizard]

Would you do things the same again
Or differently and why ?

Hell no, I'd avoid the whole lot of them. The vast majority were two-faced, lying bitches.

I wish I'd tried a bit harder. My youngest starts in September and im going to make more of an effort this time

My two are in reception and year 2, I wouldn't change a thing.

I've made some really good friends with the year 2 mums and a couple of good potentials in reception 😂

I love that we've clicked, there's 5 of us who go out, laugh together, cry sometimes and we're all there for eachother.

I'm so hoping that once we leave primary school we'll all keep in touch, and I'm sure we will. I feel very lucky to have met such a decent bunch of down to earth mums

Mine are only year 1 - I have perfectly pleasant conversations at the gate but I can't see anything developing any further because we have kids at the same school. I have a solid friendship group already.

I smile and say hello to everyone. Most parents are friendly. I'm the forrin mum, so already stick out like a sore thumb! I volunteer to help run stalls and have been into ds' class to do crafts.

We're close to one set of parents and get on well with 3 or 4 other sets. The rest we could take or leave. DS has another 5 years of primary, I shall continue to be as involved as I am.

I stayed distant and I regret not making friendships, tbh. I feel the same about the groups/classes that my DDs went to.

Although, there was a considerable age difference between me and my DH and I was constantly judged on that. So perhaps it wouldn't have happened anyway.

I wouldn't get involved at all. I have very little in common with most "mums"

You realise "mums" are a very large and diverse group of people? What a horrible attitude. It's hardly surprising you found it difficult to get on when you think you're better than everyone else.

My PFB is starting this year and I'm open to building relationships with other parents, hopefully this will be beneficial to my children. But if I don't, then that's fine too.

I've seen people get a bit carried away and forget that they aren't actually one of the children. E.g. crying to the Teacher that you "aren't with any of your friends" when the classes are split for the new school year (yes this happens all the time).

If people don't speak to other Mums then they have no idea what they are like. Mums are not a generic group.

I look like a rather respectable and probably dull middle aged woman and I was a much older Mother at the school gate. What people wouldn't know is I'm an avid gamer who studies military history as a serious hobby and has set up and run charities and was campaigning for women's rights back when some of the much younger Mums at my sons school would have been in primary school themselves.

Wow peanutbuttercheese wish you were at my school gates you sound awesome!
DD only started reception this year; I started out friendly with everyone but then they seemed to split into groups and get closer and I just sort of stayed on the outside. So I only have one or two people I would count as friends (vs friendly acquaintances - I do get on with everyone on a small talk type level). I had a new baby when school started and was knackered all the time so didn't do any of the nights out, etc that were organised, and wasn't as chatty as I could have been.
I don't regret it per se - I like the fact that I'm not beholden to anyone and don't feel any pressure to join in with things I don't want to do. But there are a few people I think I'd get on well with if I'd made more effort. Maybe next year!

Those of you dead keen to make friends with new mums, haven't you already got friends?
I found my social circle was big enough without adding to it.
I became acquainted with some mums and therefore was able to sleep over and have other children for tea etc but I had my own crowd to go to gigs, theatre, nights out etc with.

I did once get invited to dinner at one of the mum's house one evening and I truly made an effort but all they talked about was drinking Prosecco and their kids.
No one seemed to have their own interests. I tried talking about things that I enjoyed now and again but it just went back to 'OMG, I am getting so pissed on this! Johnny is doing ace with his reading!'

Gave it up and went back to my own world! No regrets.
I'm still in the same neighbourhood so still see people around and say hi.

Dd is 18, I'm still extremely close with two primary school mum's, one in particular has became one of my best friends. Both were my life line when I was struggling single parent, does help dd is still friends with both of their daughters though. Another school mum does a fitness class with me as well.

I'm friendly with another 3 mum's, we always have a natter if we bump into each other (our paths don't cross as often sadly these days).

I was lucky that dd went to a small village school, where everyone was welcoming when we moved here.

I talk to everyone and am pleasant, but having seen with my eldest teens that most of those 'friendships' drift when they start highschool, it does make me a bit more aloof and less willing to get involved. I remember all kinds of intense friendships amongst the mums when my eldest kids were at primary school, which then fizzled out as soon as the kids fell out or went to high school.

Last year when my son started reception I spoke to a few parents, always had someone to talk to in the playground and at parties etc. Then one boy started picking on my son so I spoke to their teacher about it and everything was sorted. Apart from the parents - parent of bully posted on Facebook about how her son was being accused of picking on children etc and everyone else chimed in and agreed he would never do that/take it further/some people just like to cause trouble. It turned into a witch hunt, with me and my child at the centre. So now I speak to only a couple who were never involved and pretty much blank the rest as they have shown their true colours.

I also have a child in year 6 and one in nursery and have been working at the school for 18months so am there enough to see what went on. I wouldn't get close to any parents again. I have loads of awesome mates outside of school so would rather keep the two areas separate.

I would do the same (being pleasant to everyone, and on good enough terms with a few folks to ask for favours as an occasional one off if necessary).

I would change the fretting that I was doing something wrong or that these parents should become my instant friends because we had DC of the same age.

I find this really interesting as DD is about to start Reception this year, so have all this ahead of me.

As I work full time, I'm unlikely to have lots of time to spend chatting at the school gate and getting to know other parents that way. Hope to be involved through PTA and volunteering to help with school events but, again, it's possible that work will get in the way.

My dd starts reception in September and I would love to make friends with the other parents but I'm so socially awkward. She goes to the school nursery and the parents are all very nice and we say hello and occasionally chat. I just have no idea how to move things beyond that.

FourForYouGlenCoco

That's kind of you, I struggle socially if I'm honest, I score high on online aspergers tests. It was a huge effort, plus due to a relocation I knew no one.

This time last year i was going through some really bad stuff and got dropped by the Reception Mums. I wish I'd never bothered my backside with any of them.

Same again. We were new to the area and I have made great friends.

I've never ever witnessed any school gate unpleasantness and there are 700 kids at my dds primary so a lot of parents!
Be nice and people will be nice back

I have kids in primary and know people to chat to but haven't got involved in pta and don't go on the mums nights out. I might get more involved and help with the pta when my youngest joins

Probably the same. I had good acquaintances on the playground....we moved schools and I didn't keep in touch. I would still stop and chat if I saw them in Sainsbury's now. I didn't make any lifelong best friends though.

Very interesting replies
I get torn between wanting to make more of an effort and not wanted to be committed or tied

I didn't get to know anyone because I didn't do any drop offs or pick ups - childminder did drop offs and DH did pick ups. I'm not convinced I would have made friends if I had been able to do them because I am an introvert and find making friends very hard, but I see threads like this and feel a pang of regret that I never knew the mums or really the children that DS was friends with beyond their names.

The same. As a working mum in a playground full of sahm/d, who used a private nursery and not the preschool (sinner!), with an undiagnosed sen child (my poor parenting, obviously) and a husband that worked away monday to friday (does he actually exist?) I was not really their "type". Found a group of other rejects to chat with and still mates with one now. Rather have one good mate than a dozen fair weather friends anyday!