AIBU to think that my DD eats far too much for her age (or any)?

[tequilasontuesdays]

For context, breakfast was 3 waffles and 4 muffins followed by intermittent snacking of sugar throughout the day. Her activity level leaves much to be desired and she claims the weather is what causes her to keep eating. My grocery store bill has become incomprehensible and I fear visiting family because of what they may think when they try to feed her. She thinks nothing of polishing off a big steak and continuously complains of hunger pangs directly after her (very large) meals. Her blood tests are all normal but I fear for her current and future health. Granted she is a teen, but isn't this a bit much?

pacificdogwood makes a good point.

Maybe make a family menu for the week and stick on the fridge. Shop accordingly; no muffins or waffles for anyone makes it easier and less hurtful.

I gave up sugar and cravings stopped almost immediately. If she has processed food, make sure they are less than 4g sugar for 100g. If that still doesn't stop her cravings then I second the idea there could be a hormonal issue or emotional eating issue going on. Good luck, it is tough xx

Indigestion is caused by low stomach acid as the stomach desperately tries to make enough acid to digest the food. Gaviscon compounds the issue. As does this high sugar/carb regime.

Oh good lord some people jumping on the OP here! She cant put locks on the kitchen cabinet for christ sake and as others have pointed out its the quantity of food.

I think you need to focus on overall lifestyle not the food. You need to look at finding a sporty/social actvity she could do that would widen her social circle and boost her exercise. This will then help with the poor eating.

If your daughter is consuming 7 sugary snacks for breakfast alone its for the endorphins that are being released. Just cutting those snacks off wont help you need to replace that good feeling she's getting when she eats. If she's seriosuly over weight i think you need to look at some help from a dietician, if you can afford a gym membership some clubs have them on staff.

Go sugar free for all the family. Just let everyone choose one thing for Friday

OP, i wouldn't be surprised if you don't come back as it is very hard to hear no doubt that this is a problem that you are 100% enabling, and whilst all the posts are very harsh, you know that they are true. But i've been where your daughter is, and no matter how much she hates it if you step in now with major changes, she WILL thank you for it when she's an adult!

I've been overweight since i was about 7. I was very active, out after school every single day playing, never had pocket money but was allowed 10p now and then to go to the shop on the corner for a 10p mix of little sweets. My problem was way to big portions of food being served, which my parents were used to as they were both overweight too, and an unhealthy packed lunches. I'm sure they also allowed snacks that weren't very good for me either, i remember being a choc ice monster.

I'm now 27, due to OCD and depression and severe bullying in highschool i have been housebound almost completely since i was forced to drop out of school at 15. Food became an emotional crutch, and since i couldn't go out places or do any of my hobbies it became the one thing i could control, i could choose to eat ice cream, biscuits, cake, crisps etc if that was what i wanted, it was the one part of my life that wasn't restricted.

Now i've just stepped on the scales to find myself at 17 stone 3 pounds. I grew out of my size 16 jeans when i was 15 and put on 2 stone in the first 6 months after dropping out of school. I should probably be wearing size 20 jeans but it's too depressing to have to go up a size so i squeeze into size 18's that dig in and give me awful muffin tops and i have a very large stomach that overhangs my waistband.
I am completely out of control about my eating. I have been diagnosed with compulsive over eating, which is often in the form of binge eating. I hate how i look, i'm scared to death for my health, but i feel powerless ot change. Every time i try to diet, my mind starts racing "When did i last eat? How many hours do i have to wait until it's acceptable to eat again? If i eat half of tomorrows calories now, i'll just eat less tomorrow (NEVER happens) Am i hungry, or do i just want to eat because i enjoy it?
It is EXACTLY like when i get one of my obsessive thoughts with my OCD, and the compulsion is to go and eat, and the obsessing thoughts do not go away. There's no distracting myself, i can't watch a film, red a book, it just pushes its way right on in there. I've voluntarily had periods where i've deliberately made myself sick after eating in a desperate attempt to not gain further weight, let alone lose any.

I firmly believe if my parents had done something about my being overweight as a child, i wouldn't be the way i am now. Now i'm an adult, i have my own bank account, my own money, i can go out and buy whatever i want or buy it online to be delivered. it's completely self destructive. If my parents had refused to buy sweets, crisps, chocolate, ice cream etc ofc i would have had tantrums because i wanted it, but if they didn't give in i'd have had to accept it as i'd have had no money (they didn't do pocket money) to obtain junk food. If your daughter is spending all her pocket money on chocolate i honestly think you need to stop giving her pocket money, OR you keep posession of it, and buy her the things she wants with it, as long as it isn't food.
I have PCOS which they can't say for definite if it is a cause or effect of my being overweight, i have high cholesterol, my PCOS makes me insulin resistant so i need regular blood tests to check for pre diabetes or type 2 diabetes. I get massively out of breath just walking up the stairs, and quite frankly it's embarrassing if my dad tries to talk to me when i've just gone up the stairs as i'm gasping for breath and desperately trying to hide it. I have quite nice facial features but they are lost in the sheer amount of fat. My face is very round and i literally don't have a neck because it is naturally quite short and the fat around my neck is just in multiple chins, i genuinely look like a snowman, one round blob on top of my shoulders. I can't even lean my head back fully as i feel the fat round the back of my neck bunch up and its a very weird feeling. I look disgusting, feel disgusting, but am aware that if i lost weight (i need to lose at least 5 stone, probably 6) that i could actually be quite pretty. Instead i get abuse shouted at me in the street off complete strangers.
I'm begging you, don't do this to your child. Even if it makes her hate you temporarily, and she doesn't understand for another decade that it was for her own good, she will one day, and you could potentially give her years of life more, or a much better quality of it.

Hi OP,

Please handle this issue sensitively. It has gone Monday too long to now just change her food intake. It will feel like a punishment to her even if it's not intended as one.

I would approach the situation on different levels. The food/ weight is likely to be a symptom of a wider issue. So make sure you work on her self-esteem and make sure she sees you as someone to be able to confide in (be interested but respectful of her boundaries). And please don't let her weight be her defining factor - I'm sure there are plenty of things she does well. Make sure she knows this and that you will love her whatever size she is.
That doesn't mean you can't also work on her eating habits but be careful you don't turn this into something to rebel over. Make healthy choices available (sounds lime you already do), make the healthy opotions fun and appealing (as well as readily available) and, perhaps reduce the amount of treats in the house at any given time.

I assume as you said her blood tests are normal you've already been to see the GP about her eating? so any medical cause for her being hungry all the time has been ruled out?

How is her mental health? When my depression is bad I eat almost constantly, I don't even have to like the food I'm eating, I'll always pick sugary stuff first but anything in the cupboards/fridge is fair game, to the extent that I've sat and ate foods I hate and even foods I'm allergic to. It's ridiculous.

Please help her now rather than being afraid of tantrums, because I can tell you now, as someone who currently weighs nearly 20 stone, (26 at my heaviest last year) I'd much rather my mum had stepped in and caused a few tantrums than let me get myself to this stage, the fatter i got the more depressed I got, and then the more I ate so the fatter I got, it's a vicious circle and I would love to be able to have someone else stop me because even at the moment when I'm in a good place mentally I have next to no self control around food.

LouHotel Tue 04-Jul-17 23:24:05
"Oh good lord some people jumping on the OP here! She cant put locks on the kitchen cabinet for christ sake and as others have pointed out its the quantity of food."

She can plan the shopping so that the house is not supplied with the kind of sugary carb-rich food that is likely to encourage the dd to keep over-eating. With such a young teen, she has pretty well full control over what food comes into the house. She needs to exercise that control. And it is a very bad idea to let a young teen know that you are afraid of that tantrumming: in the next few years, she is going to need her parents to be prepared to stand up to her about far more immediately dangerous things and do it without hesitation.

It's interesting that the last to posters say they wish their parents had controlled their diets more - I always think if I hadn't had everyone and their dog try to control my good intake I wouldn't have been fat.
It shows that weight is a very complex issue and extremely easy to get wrong.

I think the key is to tackle mental health first - reasons for over eating and relearning of new habits.

AlmostAJillSandwich

Have you tried Over-Eaters Anonymous? I have a couple of friends who go there and have found it excellent.

Your child sounds desperately unhappy and I would help her to work on her self-esteem and social life. Do you spend enough quality time with her? Does she feel loved, etc.

I always think if I hadn't had everyone and their dog try to control my good intake I wouldn't have been fat.

I have got friends back in uni who think the same. Couple of them came from very, very strict households wrt food. Then as soon as they were able to/whenever they could, they "rebelled" and developed horrendous eating habits (deep fried food 3x a day + sweets and chocolates whenever possible for instance).

Diets are easy. It's the habit that's hard to break. She's 13. Find the root of the problem and nab it in the bud. Everything in moderation is key.

I can also see and understand the point of view that having your food policed could also make you rebel to eat bad food any chance you can get.

But OP's childs eating is already dangerously out of control, and shes overweight already by choosing her own eating practices. OP has mentioned rest of the house is health conscious so there will be plenty of food available that is nutritious, but her daughter is actively choosing the unhealthy foods and in large quantities, over the available healthy food. That certainly suggests her food hasn't been policed or restricted, so in this case it isn't that she's had her food intake dictated to her, so it is unlikely to be the reason why she eats how she does.

My sister is equally over weight and feels the same as i do, that if our parents had raised us differently, we woudln't both have major food issues now. She also has OCD and depression and has used food similarly to me. It certainly does seem to be a very emotional response triggered thing. Honestly i think kids with overweight parents either get fed massive portions and are likely to be overweight, or their parents desperately try to police them to the healthy lifestyle and weight because they struggle themselves and neither is good for the childs relationship with food.

Actually, my dad came from a very poor home, 4 siblings, very little money, very basic limited food, and as the schools number one athlete who did practically every sport going he was always hungry. He was very slim, and his family ridiculed him for his appetite. A few months ago we were out for my aunts birthday and my grandad (his father) was nasty to him several times about him eating. All he did was put half a portion of one of the shared rice dishes on his plate, the same everyone else did, but because he picked the dish up first, he was calling him greedy, nobody gets a look in etc. joking when other people didn't finish their meals that my dad would eat it (he didn't, he was full from his own meal) it was actually really upsetting to witness. It's only been the last few weeks i've talked to my dad about his childhood and quite a few things have come up like the ridiculing over food. It has made me wonder if the lack of availability and him being left hungry a lot after meals, especially with his brother often making comments about the fact my dad always ate others left overs, played a part in my dad becoming fat once he was working and living independently and could eat what he wanted as he could afford it. It would explain where the large portioning came from if he spent his childhood hungry a lot of the time.

It would also explain his over generous portions he gave to me and my sister. He grew up poor and hungry, didn't want us to ever go hungry. This is the first time i've ever really thought on it and connected the dots. Now i'm sad, and feel guilty for blaming my parents for my being over weight since i was a child. It hasn't helped me, but they probably gave me too much food to make sure i wasn't going hungry, and that too much was better than not enough. They weren't unhealthy meals, just too much of it and i got used to eating it all, never pushed to finish my plate, just to eat what i wanted, and i over ate. I'm going to have to hunt my dad out first thing for a big cuddle.

I always think if I hadn't had everyone and their dog try to control my good intake I wouldn't have been fat

^Absolutely this

When I was growing up, DGM was a tiny little lady who I rarely remember eating. Women were to be hourglass, with a portion half the size of a man's, no snacking. My own DM gained 3st within a year of leaving home and having instant access to anything she wanted, and says herself she 'made up for lost time'.

Consequently she's struggled with her weight all her life, gradually gaining more and more, I think she is around 16st now.

I grew up in a house where nothing was off limits, but only certain things were bought at certain times, there weren't always treats in the cupboard but we little routines like an ice cream in the park on Sundays, a weekend fried breakfast, made our own fruit lollies, as she said she didn't want me to grow up either restricted or indulged, so I wouldn't have the food issues she had.
I've grown up with quite a balanced attitude to food having grown up seeing both opposite sides of the spectrum.
DGM is in her 80s and still barely eats, and DM still has enough food to adequately feed the both of them.
Old habits and all that...

Almost, that's point i'm trying to make - weight issues are complex and there's very rarely a simple fix.
So, I would caunion against simply taking away/ rationing the treat food. The DD would very likely see this as a punishment, so my advice is to step away from managing weight and try to emphasize physical and even more importantly mental health.
I became a lot happier (and slimmer and fitter) when I stopped obsessing about foof and started to eat what I wantes. I spent a few weeks going crazy on unhealthy food and then it just kind of stopped having power over me (it never did - I have it power). I'm not suggesting the OP let's her DD binge on sugar in the hope it will "fix" her. What worked for me might not work for anyone else- but take the underlying issues first: the eating and the weight are a symptom and not the cause

Stop buying the waffles and muffins! Yes, there will probably be tantrums. Coming off a sugar addiction is hard but you need to be the parent here and help her do it. Start with a good breakfast which will help her be less hungry during the day. Her hunger pangs may simply be a result of only eating junk, which is never going to fill her up. Could also be a sign that she's lost the ability to listen to her body properly.

We don't keep sugary food in the house so it can't be a problem.

Also not sure it has been mentioned but be s good role model. Eat healthily yourself and exercise. Try to look your best. DSS is the kind of boy who asks for gluten free, cheese free pizza ,filtered water and vegetables because he saw his GPS eat that way.