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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off at being told something really upsetting via email at work?

75 replies

Brigante9 · 04/07/2017 20:09

I'm a form tutor to Year 7. I really like my group. I've spent hours meeting parents, phoning them for good and bad things. I've spent hours with the children if they've had issues, I spend every lunch hour ensuring I'm available for them. They've n,ed their Snapchat group and their form football team after me. I don't think spending the time with them is abnormal, I think most teachers do similar.

Today, I was sent an email out of the blue saying 'We have finalised tutor groups for next year and we will be giving yours to a new teacher so you can be used to maximise progress elsewhere during form time (with Year 11 to support them in my subject).'

I am devastated to lose my form, obviously I will still be available should they need anything, although they will need to bond with their new tutor. I think supporting Year 11 is incredibly important, but I already have 3 hours a week with them, plus an extra curricular (unpaid) hour every week.

AIBU to feel that the email was not an appropriate way in which to let me know about this? It was from my line manager who has barely had time to sit down with me this year. I know we're all busy, but this is a really big deal and I think he should have spoken to me face to face.

For the sake of not drip feeding, I am new to this school this academic year and had zero induction. As an experienced teacher, I was expected to just get on, which I did, bar a couple of things which the line manager should have sat down to discuss. He is known for never managing to have meetings or be available.

Totally prepared to be AIBU for writing too much and being an idiot for being upset at losing my form!

OP posts:

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 04/07/2017 22:24

As it's a totally run-of-the-mill work-related situation I don't think it's inappropriate to impart the news to you via your work email

I used to be the equivalent of a head of year and would never have given this information via email. I would have had a face to face conversation. I would have also have taken time to speak to you before a decision was made to hear what you wanted to do.

think that you are getting a tough time on here and I am not sure why.

poweredbybread · 04/07/2017 22:25

You are right to be pissed off. Lots of secondary tutors follow their year 7s all the way to year 11. My children have benefitted from this. I would be upset. You sound like a very committed teacher. Go somewhere where you will be valued.

woodhill · 04/07/2017 22:29

I totally understand how you feel and in my experience tutors stay with their forms in some schools for 5 years'. However when I was at school they didn't. I think often the students like the continuity. We are often creatures of habit

Shesaysso · 04/07/2017 22:36

From what I've seen of Yr 7's and Snapchat, it's anything but sweet!

happypoobum · 04/07/2017 22:36

Um, tbh I was shocked when we got to the bit where you said you were an experienced teacher. I had assumed from your rather OTT reaction to a totally normal business decision that you were NQT or pretty new.

Have you really never worked where you change roles each year or every year or two/three? It's the industry norm. Advising you by email is also fairly normal.

You sound pretty over invested in your year group. If I were your Head (currently HOD) I would probably move you for fear it had become unhealthy for your work life balance.

It sounds like you have a done a good job but really you need to detach a bit............

glitterlips1 · 04/07/2017 22:37

I think it is lovely to hear that a teacher is so fond of their class. My child had one teacher for two years and there were tears from the children, teacher and parents when the children moved on.

MsJudgemental · 04/07/2017 22:40

At DS' school they kept the same form tutor from Y7 to Y11 (although his retired then the replacement moved schools...)

tinypop4 · 05/07/2017 06:17

Sorry you are upset but I think you are overreacting. It is normal practise in schools to communicate form group changes by email- not so many teachers are quite so attached to their form(!) so your Slt are probably not aware that you enjoy the role so much.
Fwiw most teachers I know would be delighted to lose their form- not because of the kids but because of the huge extra workload.

Hollyhop17 · 05/07/2017 06:25

Slightly surprised at the comments saying its normal to change tutors. I had mine from year 7-11 and we all really bonded as a group. I would let your line manager know you'd like to stay. Good luck.

Joey7t8 · 05/07/2017 06:33

Slightly OTT reaction to what is effectively a management decision. When I read the title and started reading the first paragraph, I had a sense of dread in thinking that it was going to be something terrible that had happened to one of the kids, like being diagnosed with something awful or involved in a car crash. Perspective needed. I'm sure you'll get to work with loads of other lovely groups within the school.

ASauvingnonADay · 05/07/2017 06:35

I disagree with everyone being negative. I think it is really endearing that you are sad to lose your form group - shows you obviously care. I think it is less than ideal to be told by email especially if you were expecting to stick with them.

Bumdishcloths · 05/07/2017 06:56

Whilst it is sad, it does sound like you're overinvested and that might be why you're being moved. I'd also be very careful about what you post on public forums as this is very identifiable.

mizu · 05/07/2017 07:06

DDs change tutor each year, the norm here. You sound a bit over invested in one group.

ShinyGirl · 05/07/2017 07:12

Totally normal to get an email about this, and you are absolutely overreacting.

I would have hated the same form tutor for five years, it's good to have a change.

What if the students didn't like their teacher and had five years of them? Different people bring different things which is a good thing.

thethoughtfox · 05/07/2017 07:28

It's just part of your job. You may be getting too attached. This can happen every year.

Headofthehive55 · 05/07/2017 07:33

Find another school. They do not deserve you!
sounds like they expect a lot but give little back in return.

countingdown · 05/07/2017 07:34

Sounds like you are massively, and inappropriately, invested in this particular group of children. Your response seems way over the top, particularly for an experienced teacher.

Headofthehive55 · 05/07/2017 07:37

As a parent I like my children to have the same form tutor for five years. It gives consistency especially as they have so many other teachers.
Are you in a hard to recruit subject? I would mention that you aren't happy and make them sweat!

WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa · 05/07/2017 07:42

I think this thread shows how differently teachers (and non - teachers) view the role of form tutor.

For some it is nothing more than another class, register them, pass on messages, take to assembly. Others take a more active role, and neither is wrong.

FWIW, I loved being a form tutor, and hate that it isn't compatible with my current role. I think there's nothing to lose in making your disappointment clear in writing - in a less emotionally charged way than you have here obviously.

If there's nothing to be done, then all you can simply do is thank your form for a fantastic year, and wish them well - knowing next year it may happened again. You can then regulate how much effort you feel is proportionate.

millifiori · 05/07/2017 08:12

I suspect what they are doing is ensuring you don't get attached to this single group of students, but learn to pace yourself and find a work level that you can sustain long term. They must like you and want you to spread your talents a bit. Yr 11 is such a vital year. It's the toughest year of any child's school life IMO, and they can get stressed and lose the plot. Clearly they think you have strong pastoral skills and are putting them where they;re most needed.

rightwhine · 05/07/2017 08:18

Yanbu to feel sad. Yabu to mind too much about the email. That's just administration and many old, weary teachers have forgotten the enthusiasm that some have fire the job.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 05/07/2017 08:23

What @Donthate said. From the way you phrased it and have reacted, I thought something awful had happened to one of those kids.
It's nice that you feel connected to these kids and that you want to go above and beyond for them, but I really think you're over reacting. This is just a practical email about changes of classes. It happens. You'll get a new group you can be devoted to. For the sake of your sanity though, you might need to develop a bit of a thicker skin about dealing with these things and establish a certain level of professionalism. I don't mean don't care about the kids, but you need to be able to separate your feeling about them otherwise you are going to burn out very very fast.

AngeloftheSouth84 · 05/07/2017 09:04

Trouble is these days, people don't know how to communicate with each other. They hide behind computers forgetting that they're dealing with people on the other end.

Iamthinking · 05/07/2017 10:12

You sound lovely and I am so grateful for teachers like you. Thank you.

Headofthehive55 · 05/07/2017 10:52

Trouble is those sort of management activities do not inspire loyalty.
I once did a voluntary activity, ran a group. The "line manager" effectively managed in the same way - moving people around, without discussion or agreement. The only reason that work managers get away with it is because you want the money, but it's not slavery, so you find those places are ones which people do not stay. (And management wonders why!)

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