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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off at being told something really upsetting via email at work?

75 replies

Brigante9 · 04/07/2017 20:09

I'm a form tutor to Year 7. I really like my group. I've spent hours meeting parents, phoning them for good and bad things. I've spent hours with the children if they've had issues, I spend every lunch hour ensuring I'm available for them. They've n,ed their Snapchat group and their form football team after me. I don't think spending the time with them is abnormal, I think most teachers do similar.

Today, I was sent an email out of the blue saying 'We have finalised tutor groups for next year and we will be giving yours to a new teacher so you can be used to maximise progress elsewhere during form time (with Year 11 to support them in my subject).'

I am devastated to lose my form, obviously I will still be available should they need anything, although they will need to bond with their new tutor. I think supporting Year 11 is incredibly important, but I already have 3 hours a week with them, plus an extra curricular (unpaid) hour every week.

AIBU to feel that the email was not an appropriate way in which to let me know about this? It was from my line manager who has barely had time to sit down with me this year. I know we're all busy, but this is a really big deal and I think he should have spoken to me face to face.

For the sake of not drip feeding, I am new to this school this academic year and had zero induction. As an experienced teacher, I was expected to just get on, which I did, bar a couple of things which the line manager should have sat down to discuss. He is known for never managing to have meetings or be available.

Totally prepared to be AIBU for writing too much and being an idiot for being upset at losing my form!

OP posts:

Reastie · 04/07/2017 20:47

If you've only been there a year it could be that tutors are often swapped around and don't stay with their group throughout the school journey.

I'm a teacher and tbh although it's not the best way of finding out, I'm not surprised. It's probably better this way than your line manager 'forget' to tell you in person.

Be grateful you have found out now so you have time to do a little goodbye to them as it would have been more unreasonable for them to not let you know their plans until you came back in September. The method of delivery may not be great but they have let you know with a decent amount of notice.

Original poster

Brigante9 · 04/07/2017 20:47

Ok, devastated was too strong a word. I think I'm just really annoyed that he's moving me without speaking to me. It's a little school, tutors normally go up with the forms, as do Heads of Year. Don't really mind if I can be identified on here, I've said pretty much exactly all of this to him and I doubt he is on here.

Re Snapchat, the students use it to discuss homework, which I find sweet!

I know that Year 11 is the priority, absolutely right, every school is judged on results. IABU, but I would have liked to have kept the form. I'm more than aware that teachers are deployed where needed.

Some of the comments on here have made me reflect and I will suck it up with good grace. Might just continue to sulk tonight but back to business tomorrow. Thanks, guys.

OP posts:

Fresh8008 · 04/07/2017 20:48

YABU- its your job, not your personal life.

Its great you invest so much in the children you look after but you need to keep a professional detachment otherwise you wont cope as a teacher. A line manager shouldn't have to have to have an emotional private conversation with every person they are asking to do a normal part of their job.

Sophiealice95 · 04/07/2017 20:48

Brigante I know you are devastated my dear and I know your heart is breaking but I think it will do all of you good to be parted and to move on. I am not criticising you at all. I just think as a lovely sensitive person you need to break away from them and they from you. Sometimes it is for the best I know how upset you are and I do understand .

Mumteadumpty · 04/07/2017 20:51

It sounds as if a need has been identified, e.g. For someone to be available for extra intervention in your subject for Year 11 pupils. So your line manager is sorting this in his own head and considers he has dealt with this efficiently. You're right, it's a shit way of telling you.

Original poster

Brigante9 · 04/07/2017 20:51

Missing the point entirely, you should not be on social media with your pupils. You are their teacher not their mate. I am a governor and the schools I have been at have been clear that this is unacceptable.

No idea which thread you're reading, but at no point did I say I am on social media with students!! Bloody hell!! They named their group after me, which is entirely different from the name of the form. I would not dream of ever being on any form of social media with children!

OP posts:

ilovegin112 · 04/07/2017 20:53

My ds had the same form tutor for 3 years 7-9 he then had a different teacher for years 10 and 11, he had a really good bond with both these teachers

cardibach · 04/07/2017 20:54

In my experience (almost 30 years as a teacher) an email is a very normal way to hear which tutor group you will have. Even in schools where the norm is to go up with a group there will be changes to accommodate new staff or because of changes of role.
Re Snapchat, yes, the minimum age is 13, and it's not really suited to talking about homework - it isn't sweet, and it probably isn't all they are doing on it.

GrandDesespoir · 04/07/2017 20:55

As it's a totally run-of-the-mill work-related situation I don't think it's inappropriate to impart the news to you via your work email. To be honest, as I was reading the first paragraph of your OP I was expecting you to say that a child in your form had died or was seriously ill. To describe what has happened as "really upsetting" is perhaps a little OTT.

youarenotkiddingme · 04/07/2017 20:58

Actually it is really hard when you lose a form group youve been close to and formed a bond with. And that bond is great for the pupils personal development too.

Some teachers really find it hard as they have form groups for 5 years before they go. Teachers have feelings too.

I work in a SS and one of my pupils from this year discovered she has me again next year and cried and hugged me with happiness. Another pupil I had year before this one is in my class again and didn't leave my side all transition afternoon! He just kept signing my name over and over

My ds has a keyworker as he has asd. I'm so pleased they have such a special bond and he'll confide in her because I know that she really will act in loco parentis for him when he's at school. It's so reassuring to me

nina2b · 04/07/2017 20:58

Today 20:37 TheNoseyProject

What a ridiculous post. The OP is not on this site with her students. They have merely called their group after her or something. Can't you read?
As for the I am a governer reference, that was cringeworthy.
Who cares?

CageyBee · 04/07/2017 20:58

I have been in education for about 15 years and it sounds to me as though you've been deliberately moved away from this group due to your over-attachment.

nina2b · 04/07/2017 20:58

...on that site...

Wumpychoo · 04/07/2017 20:58

Lucky kids having someone who puts so much effort into the role!

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/07/2017 21:02

Some school have a different tutor every year. You have had them one year and in fact have only been there one year.

It may therefore be the normal that new roles are emailed out each year.

I agree with the above poster who says that you seem to be a bit over invested.

ProphetOfDoom · 04/07/2017 21:02

It's good to care - it's a problem when a teacher does not - but for your own emotional well-being you could afford to care just a little less

Sulk tonight though

MammaTJ · 04/07/2017 21:03

You sound like a lovely supportive, enthusiastic teacher, who has not yet burnt out, in spite of having a lot of experience.

You are as rare as hens teeth and it sounds like he is protecting you you from burn out.

He may not be an obviously good manager to you, but it seems he is managing you well, in a quiet way.

Try to look at it in this positive light. Take care and yes, support 'your' students going forwards, but give them space to become close to their new tutor too.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 04/07/2017 21:07

As it's a totally run-of-the-mill work-related situation I don't think it's inappropriate to impart the news to you via your work email.

Agreed. This is not huge news and doesn't need a face-to-face meeting.

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 04/07/2017 21:18

We changed form teacher every year which o think is appropriate tbh. You are their teacher not their friend. They are your pupils not your mates. I think you are overly invested in this group of kids. I would be seriously worried if my sons teacher was upset about being split up from a group of children. I'm not surprised your line manager has moved you.

Original poster

Brigante9 · 04/07/2017 21:24

I don't go round with my heart on my sleeve. I come on here to rant. I doubt very much that my line manager thinks I am 'overly invested' in my form. I am absolutely professional, been doing this a long time.

More than aware I'm not their mate, thanks, nor do I treat any of them in that way. Lots of extrapolation going on here.

OP posts:

zeezeek · 04/07/2017 21:32

Working my way through the thread, but it sounds like you've been a victim of your own success. I get that it is upsetting for you, I'm I HE but tend to get attached to my seminar groups (some of them) and feel vested in their futures. But I think that this could be your line managers way of telling you that you are such a brilliant for, tutor that your skills are needed elsewhere to support those going through one of the most stressful years of their lives.

You have years with these kids, you'll see them again.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 04/07/2017 21:40

I'm totally with you, OP. I absolutely adored my form and spent ages planning stuff for them and guiding them. I lost them to be a head of year when they were at the end of year 9 and was very sad.

He should definitely have talked to you. Do you think he realises how much you want to keep them? Could you suggest running an intervention group at some other time instead?

WyfOfBathe · 04/07/2017 21:45

I understand why you were upset. When I went on mat leave, it was sad to say goodbye to my form (year 9, I've been their form tutor since year 7), but I wasn't "devastated".

I expect your line manager didn't realise that you would find it really upsetting. At my school, we don't even get told "you're being moved from Class X to Class Y", we just look on our new timetables and find out ourselves.

PutUpWithRain · 04/07/2017 22:07

Feel you've had a bit of a pasting here OP which was undeserved. DS is nearly at the end of Yr7 and his form tutor has been wonderful - really kind, helpful, and has made a huge difference to him in how well he's settled in to high school. He'd be gutted if she got moved to another form. I don't think she's overinvested in her students at all, just been very good at handling their first year.

I do agree with others that in a way it's a compliment to your skills that you've been moved 'up' to Yr11, but it must be a bit gutting to have to say goodbye to students whom you've nurtured so well. And your line manager is RUBBISH for not even letting you know this was a possibility.

Original poster

Brigante9 · 04/07/2017 22:11

He should definitely have talked to you. Do you think he realises how much you want to keep them? Could you suggest running an intervention group at some other time instead?

I already do, every single week. Everyone does one unpaid hour plus lunchtimes etc. Weekend hours are paid for.

OP posts:

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