Would you tell?

[thedeathofme]

If you knew someone else's DC had done something that you know the parent would not be happy about, would you tell? Nothing criminal, nasty or dangerous as such, but definitely outwith the parents usual boundaries/comfort zone. My own DC was involved and isn't in trouble as such, but knows it must not happen again. I don't want to stick them in, but the other way around, I'd want to know and be able to tell my DC it's unacceptable in future.

Sorry to be vague

If I knew the parents and were close to them, yes. Otherwise, no.

I know them quite well. All through school, share pick ups, drop offs, sleepovers, etc. One of them told me when my DC was having trouble with someone at school. Don't go out socialising or contact one another other than about DC.

Then yes, I think I would tell them.

I would want to know and would tell the parents if it was me. No question. They need to know so they can stop their dc from doing it again. Give them the chance to be well informed. I bet they will thank you for it. Good luck.

I would if it were something like drinking or smoking yes.

No smoking or drinking. The problem is, this happened while the DC were in the care of someone else, who i think probably has more relaxed rules. I'm not sure of her stance on it, and I don't want her being blamed as the outcome might have been out of the norm for her too, I really don't know!

If you know them well enough and you know that they would want to know then yes I would tell them.

I think it's impossible to say without knowing what it is.

If the carer let 6yo's play out til midnight, or go a place they wouldn't be allowed to go without a parent then yes, tell them. If a 14yo was allowed out 30 minutes later than usual then not so much.

It depends on the severity I suppose. Though if you are close to the parents in question I'd just tell anyway.

Can you give a rough idea of what the incident was? Difficult to say without context.

Depends on what it was. If it was that they watched a movie the parents wouldn't approve of or were allowed to play a violent video game, then no, I wouldn't tell unless I knew their child was going to be a frequent guest in this home

If they were allowed to run all over town alone at night, ride without seat belts, or watch porn, yes.

Depends on the age and activity.

How come you know what your DC did, but the other DM didn't know?

I'd stay out of it, you could find they " shoot the messenger"

If it's not dangerous or illegal and just a case of a more relaxed parenting style I'd leave it be - I think kids benefit from rules being bent or slightly different in different settings personally.

If it wasn't criminal, nasty or dangerous then no, I wouldn't.

If it's not illegal or dangerous then no, I wouldn't.

If it's illegal or potentially harmful yes if it's against some ridiculous religious proscription or cultural thing then no

I think people need more information to make a call on this. There's a difference, for instance, between playing Grand Theft Auto aged eight and watching a film rated 18 when you're 15/16, or, I don't know, being allowed in a bedroom with the door closed with a. boyfriend/girlfriend if it's not allowed at home.

I think it depends what it was and how old the dc are. I am fully aware that when my dc go to someone else's house they are living under their rules some are a bit stricter than me some more relaxed. I make the judgment call when I send them as to whether I'm ok with that because I'm both cases the parents may allow something I don't or not allow something I do. As long as it isn't dangerous I don't see the issue but without knowing more I couldn't say.

Did your DC tell you because they knew it was wrong / were uncomfortable about it or just in conversation ?

No I wouldn't. Nothing to do with you.

It would depend completely on what it was.

Something that could physically endanger them or others, e.g. that stupid craze for jumping off bridges- yes I would tell.

Something that was exploratory but comparatively harmless, e.g. normal teenage hijinks like trying cigarettes, alcohol, sex - no. Trust is more important.

Obviously it depends entirely on what it was!

Nothing criminal, nasty or dangerous as such, but definitely outwith the parents usual boundaries/comfort zone

Depends really. Something recklessly stupid like swimming in a deserted reservoir? Yes I would tell. But something like sneaking out after a curfew, probably not.