To Be Cross When DH Says He's Done The Dishwasher 'For Me'

[Berrie]

I'm probably very stupid to snap that it isn't MY dishwasher and not MY pots 'cause he'll think twice about doing it today but...honestly...I know he'd had a stressful day but so had I and I was trying to tell him just how hard I'd tried to fight off the glooms yesterday because I feel so lonley and bored and tired but he just grunted at me 'cause he was too busy stacking MY dishwasher for ME...
Actually, I suppose in some way I feel guilty that I'm not on top of it all that the dishwasher needs doing at all which is why I snapped.

[SSShakeTheChi]

Oh I know, I know.

How about "shall I take out the rubbish for you?" Err... is it ALL my rubbish in that bin bag then?

[powder28]

Once in a while my dh goes on a cleaning and clothes washing frenzy. He makes a massive big deal of how untidy the house is as though its MY sole responsibility. He fails to realise I do this stuff every day and sometimes its not possible to look after the kids and load the washing machine at the same time.

[noddyholder]

That drives me nuts or when he says he is 'helping'me with his washing!

[Cloudhopper]

Not unreasonable at all. I am going through a rage about this at the moment, but dh is very stressed so I am giving him a lot of leeway.

[SSShakeTheChi]

And then the times you grit your teeth, nail a fake smile on your face and say: "thanks for hanging up the washing, but you aren't doing it FOR ME" "Yes, I am, I'm doing it for you". "NO, you are doing it but you are not doing it FOR ME". Dh never gets what I'm talking about. I've just given up on it TBH

[apeainapod]

Tell him that you're going to spend his money for him! Being the loving caring sharing wife that you are!!!

[Judy1234]

I used never to touch the dishwasher. It was my husband's job before we both left for work to put on and stack the dishwasher and the washer. I would never recommend marrying a man who saw domestic tasks as the responsibility of a woman. Observe how he lives and his relationship with his mother and check out his feminist credentials before you marry otherwise you will rue the day.

[Berrie]

[lou33]

i was talking to a friend about exactly this on tuesday, my exh used to say thing like that, her dp says it too, drives us both mad.

[Katy44]

My DH once told me he was doing my washing up. This isn't like him and I made an issue of it - asking him how come it was MY washing up. He pointed out that he hadn't been in the house all day and doesn't eat breakfast - in actual fact everything he was washing up was related to the food I'd prepared and eaten that day

[cathcart]

OMG! You are all so right to be annoyed!Mine does this sort of thing all the time - He makes me so mad!!! Does anyone else automatically get the blame for 'moving' something that your dh/dp can't find? I get sick of being accused "what have you done with my (bag/phone/wallet/glasses)!?"

[mumto3girls]

I would probably (depending on my mood)either open the dishwashe and list precisely what was mne and what wasn't and therfore tell him that it was non factual to say he was doing MY dishwashing...

OR

Stat going round the house and anything in the slightest bit his responsibility egin to tell him about in a eallya nnoying way.

I.e I'm just putting your clean bedding in the airing cupboard for you
I'm just putting your cup in the dishwasher now..
I'm just putting a towel in the bathroom for you.
I'm just putting new toothpaste n the bathrrom cupboard for you
I'm just hoovering your dust up for you..
I'm just bathing your children for you..
I'm just doing shopping for you
I'm just preparing food for you
etc etc etc
Bore him to death with it...( a week should be overkill).

[cathcart]

I'm going to try that this weekend mumto3! I'll report back on the massive row that it causes!

[Berrie]

Oh we have had the row already!
When I objected to the 'for you' he claimed that he hadn't been making any sort of grand gesture but he had forgotten that he'd followed it up after a second or two with a ,'which is nice of me isn't it?'

[Surfermum]

One day there was a knock at the door and DH called out to me "your Asda delivery is here". I very sarcastically shouted back "it's not MY delivery, it's food for everyone or am I going to eat it all?". I walked into the kitchen to find the delivery man and dh rolling their eyes at each other and grining.

[Surfermum]

By grining I meant they were doing this .

[lou33]

it also used to bug me when he would say he would watch the kids for me

[mumto3girls]

Please do Cathcart....

[geekgrrl]

oooh, you're not at all unreasonable. for you..
that's as crap as men 'babysitting' (?!WTF?) their own children when their dw/dp has a night out.

[littleolwinedrinkerme]

Oooo I love this thread already! My DH doesn't quite say 'your dishwasher' or 'your washing' but he will insist on telling me when he has loaded/unloaded etc. etc. - so I ask him 'what do you want, a medal?'

[Berrie]

Might try a slightly different version of Mum23girls

Oh THANKYOU for putting the rubbish out for me

Thankyou for bathing the kids for me.

I really appreciate that you put a wash on for me darling

I wonder how long it would take for him to catch on? Probably would just make him really good!

[Berrie]

Surfermum

[HowVeryDareYou]

Ah yes, my DP likes to "help me" by taking everything out of the dishwasher & putting it all on top of the cooker. Does not get that this is not actually helping as I still have to put it all away....

[hb583]

Aaargh... I was having this conversation just the other night with a friend of mine!!! We're still quite new mums and we distinctly remember that before babies we split the tasks 50/50 but now it's like they're doing us a favour! What happens????

[Judy1234]

So what are you all going to do about all this sexism at home? is it because you don't work or were these men like this before you had children? Do their mothers run around after their fathers at home?