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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Be Cross When DH Says He's Done The Dishwasher 'For Me'

48 replies

Berrie · 23/03/2007 08:43

I'm probably very stupid to snap that it isn't MY dishwasher and not MY pots 'cause he'll think twice about doing it today but...honestly...I know he'd had a stressful day but so had I and I was trying to tell him just how hard I'd tried to fight off the glooms yesterday because I feel so lonley and bored and tired but he just grunted at me 'cause he was too busy stacking MY dishwasher for ME...
Actually, I suppose in some way I feel guilty that I'm not on top of it all that the dishwasher needs doing at all which is why I snapped.

OP posts:
SSShakeTheChi · 23/03/2007 08:44

Oh I know, I know.

How about "shall I take out the rubbish for you?" Err... is it ALL my rubbish in that bin bag then?

powder28 · 23/03/2007 08:52

Once in a while my dh goes on a cleaning and clothes washing frenzy. He makes a massive big deal of how untidy the house is as though its MY sole responsibility. He fails to realise I do this stuff every day and sometimes its not possible to look after the kids and load the washing machine at the same time.

noddyholder · 23/03/2007 08:54

That drives me nuts or when he says he is 'helping'me with his washing!

Cloudhopper · 23/03/2007 08:54

Not unreasonable at all. I am going through a rage about this at the moment, but dh is very stressed so I am giving him a lot of leeway.

SSShakeTheChi · 23/03/2007 08:56

And then the times you grit your teeth, nail a fake smile on your face and say: "thanks for hanging up the washing, but you aren't doing it FOR ME" "Yes, I am, I'm doing it for you". "NO, you are doing it but you are not doing it FOR ME". Dh never gets what I'm talking about. I've just given up on it TBH

apeainapod · 23/03/2007 09:01

Tell him that you're going to spend his money for him! Being the loving caring sharing wife that you are!!!

Judy1234 · 23/03/2007 09:05

I used never to touch the dishwasher. It was my husband's job before we both left for work to put on and stack the dishwasher and the washer. I would never recommend marrying a man who saw domestic tasks as the responsibility of a woman. Observe how he lives and his relationship with his mother and check out his feminist credentials before you marry otherwise you will rue the day.

Original poster
Berrie · 23/03/2007 09:06
Smile
OP posts:
lou33 · 23/03/2007 09:08

i was talking to a friend about exactly this on tuesday, my exh used to say thing like that, her dp says it too, drives us both mad.

Katy44 · 23/03/2007 09:10

My DH once told me he was doing my washing up. This isn't like him and I made an issue of it - asking him how come it was MY washing up. He pointed out that he hadn't been in the house all day and doesn't eat breakfast - in actual fact everything he was washing up was related to the food I'd prepared and eaten that day

cathcart · 23/03/2007 09:15

OMG! You are all so right to be annoyed!Mine does this sort of thing all the time - He makes me so mad!!! Does anyone else automatically get the blame for 'moving' something that your dh/dp can't find? I get sick of being accused "what have you done with my (bag/phone/wallet/glasses)!?"

mumto3girls · 23/03/2007 09:17

I would probably (depending on my mood)either open the dishwashe and list precisely what was mne and what wasn't and therfore tell him that it was non factual to say he was doing MY dishwashing...

OR

Stat going round the house and anything in the slightest bit his responsibility egin to tell him about in a eallya nnoying way.

I.e I'm just putting your clean bedding in the airing cupboard for you
I'm just putting your cup in the dishwasher now..
I'm just putting a towel in the bathroom for you.
I'm just putting new toothpaste n the bathrrom cupboard for you
I'm just hoovering your dust up for you..
I'm just bathing your children for you..
I'm just doing shopping for you
I'm just preparing food for you
etc etc etc
Bore him to death with it...( a week should be overkill).

cathcart · 23/03/2007 09:19

I'm going to try that this weekend mumto3! I'll report back on the massive row that it causes!

Original poster
Berrie · 23/03/2007 09:23

Oh we have had the row already!
When I objected to the 'for you' he claimed that he hadn't been making any sort of grand gesture but he had forgotten that he'd followed it up after a second or two with a ,'which is nice of me isn't it?'

OP posts:
Surfermum · 23/03/2007 09:24

One day there was a knock at the door and DH called out to me "your Asda delivery is here". I very sarcastically shouted back "it's not MY delivery, it's food for everyone or am I going to eat it all?". I walked into the kitchen to find the delivery man and dh rolling their eyes at each other and grining.

Surfermum · 23/03/2007 09:25

By grining I meant they were doing this .

lou33 · 23/03/2007 09:26

it also used to bug me when he would say he would watch the kids for me

mumto3girls · 23/03/2007 09:26

Please do Cathcart....

geekgrrl · 23/03/2007 09:26

oooh, you're not at all unreasonable. for you..
that's as crap as men 'babysitting' (?!WTF?) their own children when their dw/dp has a night out.

littleolwinedrinkerme · 23/03/2007 09:31

Oooo I love this thread already! My DH doesn't quite say 'your dishwasher' or 'your washing' but he will insist on telling me when he has loaded/unloaded etc. etc. - so I ask him 'what do you want, a medal?'

Original poster
Berrie · 23/03/2007 09:35

Might try a slightly different version of Mum23girls

Oh THANKYOU for putting the rubbish out for me

Thankyou for bathing the kids for me.

I really appreciate that you put a wash on for me darling

I wonder how long it would take for him to catch on? Probably would just make him really good!

OP posts:
Original poster
Berrie · 23/03/2007 09:36

Surfermum

OP posts:
HowVeryDareYou · 23/03/2007 09:45

Ah yes, my DP likes to "help me" by taking everything out of the dishwasher & putting it all on top of the cooker. Does not get that this is not actually helping as I still have to put it all away....

hb583 · 23/03/2007 09:46

Aaargh... I was having this conversation just the other night with a friend of mine!!! We're still quite new mums and we distinctly remember that before babies we split the tasks 50/50 but now it's like they're doing us a favour! What happens????

Judy1234 · 23/03/2007 09:46

So what are you all going to do about all this sexism at home? is it because you don't work or were these men like this before you had children? Do their mothers run around after their fathers at home?