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AIBU?

A MIL one

35 replies

justilou · 03/07/2017 15:44

My mother in law lives a long way from here. (5hr flight + 7hr drive). She has just spent two weeks here. I ignored the digs and kept myself perky, then on the last night before she left, she was looking for an argument, and started making racist statements that she knows are unacceptable in this house, and threw a tantrum when neither my husband nor I allowed that conversation to continue. (Think storming off and slamming doors πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„)
Anyway, tomorrow is my eldest daughter's thirteenth birthday tomorrow and she has posted a crappy jewellery box shaped like Cinderella's pumpkin coach (?) and it was wrapped in Dora the Explorer paper. WTAF???
AIBU to think that no grandmother who has spent two weeks with her granddaughter could be so far off the mark unless it's a deliberate dig? Who does that to a kid???
I want to say something, but doubt there's any point. (Not sure if my husband is going to say something, but he's underwhelmed, to say the least...)

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 03/07/2017 15:46

If it's wrapped, how do you know what it is?

user1490465531 · 03/07/2017 15:48

so glad I didn't have a son so won't have to put up with all the your an evil MIL crap!

Patriciathestripper1 · 03/07/2017 15:48

Wouldn't bother tbh, she lives a pleasing distance away Wink

Justhadmyhaircut · 03/07/2017 15:48

Regift for mil for Xmas. .

BarbarianMum · 03/07/2017 15:50

Having a daughter won't stop you from being a MiL user Confused

user1490465531 · 03/07/2017 15:54

well it's always the wife's on here moaning about there MIL's!

user1490465531 · 03/07/2017 15:56

Maybe son in laws do it to but probably not as much.

stella23 · 03/07/2017 15:57

so glad I didn't have a son so won't have to put up with all the your an evil MIL crap!

You don't know what your missing, I'll get my sons to streer clear of your dd's mind.

stella23 · 03/07/2017 15:58

Sorry I think j read it wrong the first time

toolonglurking · 03/07/2017 16:01

Get your DD to write a thank you letter, send it, bin the gift and say nothing.
She wants a fight, do not fall for it.

WatchingFromTheWings · 03/07/2017 16:05

My mother is (was....been NC for over a year now) the master of inappropriate gifts for kids! Gifts were either way too young, or way too old. One year she bought my then 10yo DD a teak jewellery box with a clock in it. Suitable for an 80yo. I suggested she put it aside for when she's older.....then fell out before she gave it to her!

I offered to take over the birthday and Christmas shopping for her, save her traipsing the shops (and to save the kids dissapointment!)

I think some people just have no idea what kids are into these days!

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 03/07/2017 16:16

Screw the postage - send it back saying whilst DD is very grateful for the thought you hope its not too late for a refund - as DD has one of these from when she was 5.

Her thoughtlessness is not your problem and you need to give people their own problems back. Accepting the gift makes it DDs problem - which is not fair.

milliemolliemou · 03/07/2017 16:23

Just ignore. She has left an unsuitable present, is all. Make sure your DD writes a good thank you letter. That is just graceful manners.

She's VVBU for being racist but you and your husband have made it clear it's not acceptable in your house.

You are being VBU for making so much of this unsuitable present.

Whosthemummynow · 03/07/2017 16:25

In my day.... Way back when. We just smiled and said thank you. Even if the gift was shit. Manners

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:29

Interesting responses.... I've never posted a MIL one, and up until this visit, have never had problems with mine.

We know what was in the present because it came in the mail today and my daughter opened it.

My daughter will be thanking her anyway, because she has manners and it's the right thing to do. (She is also smart enough to think the whole situation is funny, which it is!)

My sister in law has informed me that she has form for doing this to her kids as well. (It's the first time it's happened to us.)

I'm leaving it up to my husband to say something or not.

OP posts:
justilou · 03/07/2017 16:31

Finished a bit early -

My issue was not the present itself, but the fact that she is using our daughter's birthday to make a statement.

OP posts:
ThatsNotMyMarmot · 03/07/2017 16:32

I'd be meh about the present. Some people are shit at gifts. The racism is piss poor but...the enormous stupendous upside is she is so so far away. Revel in that aspect and forget the rest until the next time she wants to visit and then cite all the crap and say no if you wish.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 03/07/2017 16:35

I might be obtuse here but what statement do you think your MIL is making to her GD?

BlurryFace · 03/07/2017 16:35

If this present is deliberately awful, then giving her a mouthful and kicking off a fight will be exactly what she wants. If it's a genuine attempt at a nice present, giving her a mouthful will really damage your relationship with her. So the best course of action is to thank her for being so thoughtful and give her the benefit of the doubt.

wibblywobblywoo · 03/07/2017 16:37

Who does that to a kid???

It's a bit of a rubbish present it's not going to scar her for life is it??? Confused Jeez. MIL's gone home, a long way away, move on and chill or you'll be the one spoiling DD's birthday by holding onto grumpiness, let it go.

And I too can't work out how you know what the gift is if it's wrapped.....

diddl · 03/07/2017 16:39

So you think that she has deliberately bought something unsuitable because her last visit ended badly?

A boyfriend's mum once bought me one of these

I was in my 20s. Grin

I think that she just had no clue though.

RortyCrankle · 03/07/2017 16:42

So she is crap at choosing gifts. I'm sure your DD will offer effusive thanks, she will go back home and the gift can be taken to the charity shop.

ZoeWashburne · 03/07/2017 16:43

My issue was not the present itself, but the fact that she is using our daughter's birthday to make a statement.

What statement do you think she is making? Is she trying to push her pro-jewllery agenda on you? Grandmothers, always in the pocket of Big Necklace, amiright?!

justilou · 03/07/2017 16:44

Diddl - that's fab. At least it's a useful size! I'm letting it go. Maybe it is just a shit present and I'm overthinking it. I'm probably being over sensitive, but she did have some digs at my eldest as well, and she's been going through a lot lately.

OP posts:
ZoeWashburne · 03/07/2017 16:44

And because you accidentally posted twice- I'll post below what I answered on your other thread:

Your MiL sounds awful, and it is rubbish that you have to deal with that.

However, I don't understand why you are so upset about the gift. Surely 13 is old enough to realise that sometimes you don't get exactly what you want. Her Grandmother took time to buy her a gift, wrap it, post it and include money. It is the thought that counts. Do you not think that your previous experience with your MiL might be colouring your tone in the way you approach this? I don't think you would be as angered if it was anyone else doing this.

What, exactly, do you want to say? 'The gift and money you took time to buy, wrap and post to us was not up to our standard. Please only send money in future.' A tad entitled and grabby, no?

Have your daughter send a thank you note to her Grandmother for taking the time to buy her a birthday gift, and just move along. You don't need to say anything else. It isn't like this is her only birthday gift.

My grandmother was a terrible gift giver, but I very quickly learned that if I complained about any of my gifts, my mother would take my grandmother's gift AND one of the gifts my parents gave me away to teach me about how rude it is to complain when someone buys you a gift. it was a good lesson in always being gracious and appreciative when someone takes time to buy you a gift, even if it wasn't to your taste.

It was a Jewellery Box that might be a tad infantile, however, it's not like the grandmother bought her a weight loss book or other deliberately cruel gift.

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