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AIBU?

A MIL one

35 replies

justilou · 03/07/2017 15:44

My mother in law lives a long way from here. (5hr flight + 7hr drive). She has just spent two weeks here. I ignored the digs and kept myself perky, then on the last night before she left, she was looking for an argument, and started making racist statements that she knows are unacceptable in this house, and threw a tantrum when neither my husband nor I allowed that conversation to continue. (Think storming off and slamming doors ๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„๐Ÿ™„)
Anyway, tomorrow is my eldest daughter's thirteenth birthday tomorrow and she has posted a crappy jewellery box shaped like Cinderella's pumpkin coach (?) and it was wrapped in Dora the Explorer paper. WTAF???
AIBU to think that no grandmother who has spent two weeks with her granddaughter could be so far off the mark unless it's a deliberate dig? Who does that to a kid???
I want to say something, but doubt there's any point. (Not sure if my husband is going to say something, but he's underwhelmed, to say the least...)

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Crunchymum · 03/07/2017 16:47

I am intrigued to know where is a 5hr flight + a 7hr drive?

Is there not a closer airport?

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665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 03/07/2017 16:50

ok - I'll confess I just googled pumpkin jewellery boxes
and whilst they are in spectacularly bad taste - they are neither especially cheap - nor suitable for infants, as I has first thought because of the Dora paper. I am now less sure it is as deliberate as I first did...

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AvoidingCallenetics · 03/07/2017 16:52

I suggest that next time she visits, she stays in a hotel. 2 weeks is too long to have a guest who pisses you off.

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winglesspegasus · 03/07/2017 17:01

happy birthday to dd
save the gift and donate to xmas charity(toys for tots) so some child maybe 6 can be happy)

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 03/07/2017 17:03

I guess your H has been both unable and unwilling to stand up for his own family unit over the years. His own inertia when it comes to his mother has hurt him as well as you people.

At least you have physical distance between you and she but you need to raise your own boundaries a lot higher. For a start she no longer stays with you at all. She has acted like this because it works for her to do so. Being reasonable and nice to such people never works because they see kindness as a weakness to be exploited.

Do not give your DD that crap present from his mother for her birthday. I would instead give it to the charity shop. Do not respond re this item. Unwanted "gifts" like this are used to try and further obligate the recipients, do not fall for it. Your MIL is using your DDs birthday to make a statement.

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BlahBlahBlahEtc · 03/07/2017 17:14

I am intrigued to know where is a 5hr flight + a 7hr drive?

Is there not a closer airport?

Grin

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Rainbunny · 03/07/2017 17:21

I can't imagine what "statement" she is trying to make with that present other than perhaps she is cheap and doesn't know what young teenagers are into. She sounds very unpleasant but of all the things you can validly complain about with her, crappy presents just aren't one. As pps have said, display good manners and say thank you then get on with your lives and be glad she lives so far away (slightly jealous of that fact!)

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justilou · 03/07/2017 17:55

Crunchymum - Australia. She lives in the middle of nowhere on one side of the country, and we live in a big city on the other side. I also get that that is why we as a family have "cultural" differences.
My daughter has the present as she opened it when it was delivered this morning.
665 The Neighbour - the pumpkin coach box is cheap tat. Probably from our equivalent to a pound shop. There are two little girls in our street who will love it.

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665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast · 03/07/2017 19:48

Ah, a special treat for them at Halloween then?..
Could you make this a theme for all future gifts going the other way.? "Best most tasteless glittery shit from poundshop"
She couldn't really say anything without you responding." But I thought that's what we were doing now!"
We have a relative who has gone as low as a used, empty, but grubby biscuit tin, stuffed with used paper napkins for my kids..I think passive aggressive gift giving to kids to get at their parents is really shit fwiw.

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Pengggwn · 03/07/2017 19:51

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