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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect DSis to keep an eye on her kids while in my home?

96 replies

MichelleH10 · 03/07/2017 14:14

Background: My Dsis and I are both in our thirties, and both have children but mine are all teens (the joys eh Grin ) while hers are only six and eight. She's recently moved back up to Scotland after a decade down south, so in a bid to reconnect I invited her family over for dinner.

The entire time her kids ran riot around my house. I gave them my old tablet to play with as well as some toys/board games and dvds. They started throwing my tablet back and forth to each other until it fell and cracked. Not a big deal on it's own, they're only kids and that's why I gave them my old one. They then spotted my DD's ipad on the tablet and began playing with that in the same way. I took it off them and put it out of their reach, only to come back and find dsis had taken it off the shelf and given it back to them!? She started laughing and said that they're only kids and they'll throw a tantrum if they don't have anything to play with. She assured me she'd keep a better eye on them, so I relented and gave it back to them.

Not ten minutes later there's a huge crack across the screen. Hmm

After dinner I put on a DVD for them while my Dsis and I sat on the sofa and had a drink. I stepped into my bedroom quickly to take a five minute call from my boss, and came back to find that her kids had went into my DS's room and picked all the keys off his £150 mechanical keyboard and spilled juice all over it!! I shooed them out of the room and they ran into the kitchen where they then started opening up all my cupboards and began pressing all my amazon dash buttons. They order eight lots of toilet paper Shock

These are only the examples that cost me money, but they spent the entire night being unruly and my Dsis did not lift a finger to keep them in line. It's left a really sour taste to what I'd hoped would be the start of a closer sisterly relationship. My kids were at their dad's that night so didn't witness the carnage first hand but came home gutted to find that their things had been damaged. When I attempted to discipline her kids myself, Dsis accused me of being a b and a child hater ??? Another gem from her was the line "you have kids, you should know not to put those buttons where kids can press them." My youngest is 14, and is perfectly capable of opening a cupboard without pressing every button in site!!

AIBU to expect her to discipline her kids at my house? I know my kids are all older, but I'd never have let them behave like that in my own home, never mind someone else's!

OP posts:
Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/07/2017 14:47

Outrageous behaviour from the mum and kids. She clearly has zero control over them and zero respect for your belongings. I don't know any kids who would actually behave that way or be allowed to behave that way. It's crazy that the mum actually enabled their poor behaviour

Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/07/2017 14:48

Only meet her outside of your house from now on

Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 03/07/2017 14:48

Oh my godShockim shocked a 6 and 8 year old would behave like that. Please make sure your sister pays for the screen and the keyboard. Am genuinely shocked!

Squishedstrawberry4 · 03/07/2017 14:49

Yes and it was intentional destruction. Selfish entitled people

arethereanyleftatall · 03/07/2017 14:51

Yanbu. I have a 6&8 year old. They would never behave like that.

MichelleH10 · 03/07/2017 14:53

Aaaand she's blocked me on facebook. I don't have her phone number as we've not been in contact since she first moved down south - I didn't even know she was moving back here until she reached out over facebook. I'm going to call our brother to get her contact details and then I'll tear her a new one! Angry

OP posts:
cleanlaundry · 03/07/2017 14:55

Shock the cheek! Definitely make her pay or replace the items!! That's disrespectful

MusicToMyEars800 · 03/07/2017 14:55

Yanbu!! I have a 5 yr old and a 7 yr old and they would never behave like this, Does she not realise that this is unacceptable behaviour from them and that she needs to replace or give you what it costs to repair the broken items. What awful behaviour form you Dsis and her dcs! and your poor DD and DS.

LumelaMme · 03/07/2017 14:56

Well, if she's blocking you, you don't have a lot to lose by asking how she plans to repay you the cost of the repairs.

Her DCs' behaviour absolutely not on.

firawla · 03/07/2017 14:56

That's shocking behaviour! They're 6 and 8 not little toddlers - how badly she must have been dragging them up for them to be like this, and then she justifies it that they are only kids?! No no no...
Such a shame they have to be like this as no doubt it will spoil the family relationship, but you are not the unreasonable one here!

SlothMama · 03/07/2017 14:56

YANBU Your sister first needs to control her children, and she also needs to pay for the damage they caused!

RuggerHug · 03/07/2017 14:59

Cheeky wagon! Def get the contact details and be sure to tell your brother why. She has to pay for what they damaged, even if it's in installments since she can claim the cost of moving has wiped out extra money. (Assuming that will be the excuse used, no I'm not doing that at all.....)

yawning801 · 03/07/2017 15:00

Do you have any mutual friends and/or relations that would have her phone number? I would be seething!!!

winglesspegasus · 03/07/2017 15:00

leave the bitch

makes you wonder what dsis house is like
get out the waders

Karmin · 03/07/2017 15:00

That is terrible, good luck getting her to pay though :(

Storymakers · 03/07/2017 15:05

YADNBU An iPad is not something that should ever be thrown. My youngest is 7 and manages not to wreak everyone's stuff perfectly well. The only thing I can understand are the buttons if they are easily visable because even As a grown up they look tempting! Going through cupboards, going in bedrooms and throwing electronics is absolutely not acceptable.

It sounds like she doesn't discipline and doesn't care. At 6 and 8 they are plenty old enough to understand not to wreak things, to stay out of rooms/cupboards etc. I'd be really upset if my kids behaved liked this and I would be disciplining them and taking them home! I'd also be paying for anything they broke.

I would also ask for the money and not invite her back. It's rude and really terrible parenting and I rarely use that phrase. She's not doing anyone any favours and she's going to struggle very quickly. I would say she may be being soft to compensate for he adjustments and upheaval but the scale of behaviour and her attitude reeks of someone who has never bothered with discipline.

They had things to do. They had an old tablet, dvds, toys and board games. My kids of that age would be fine with that. They might moan after a bit but they wouldn't wreak the place.

Also surely the emphasis should be on the person with kids to bring things for the kids to do? Presumably she can't bring her own tablets/phones/ds's because the kids just wreak them?

Hidingtonothing · 03/07/2017 15:06

I can never get my head round people like this, in what world is it ok to allow your DC to break other people's expensive possessions and not be utterly mortified and immediately offer to pay for them?!!

I suspect you're going to have trouble getting any money out of her though OP, she clearly doesn't want to take any responsibility for the breakages and I doubt anything you say will make her, what a thoroughly shitty position for her to put you in Angry

CheesesOfNazereth · 03/07/2017 15:08

They are all fucking awful but you were insane to hand them your dd's ipad after watching them break another tablet.
That one's on you.

honeysucklejasmine · 03/07/2017 15:12

I don't think you're going to get anything from her without an expensive fight.

honeysucklejasmine · 03/07/2017 15:12

Cheese she didn't. Read it again perhaps.

Goingtobeawesome · 03/07/2017 15:15

Seems unbelievable that children would behave like this. How do they not know they shouldn't do this? Is your sister always so ineffectual and rude?

MikeUniformMike · 03/07/2017 15:18

I think that your sister is unlikely to pay for the broken things. You have every right to now allow her children into your house again. Tell her why.

* NOT * not now.

GreeboIsACutePussPuss · 03/07/2017 15:29

YANBU, my youngest is 8 and yes she has damaged things by accident but throwing the tablet and ipad and pulling keys off a keyboard aren't accidents, especially throwing the ipad having already broken the tablet.

Also you took it off them and DSis gave it back?! She is not a child and should definitely know better!

Jaxhog · 03/07/2017 15:31

Since SHE gave them your DD's iPad, there should be no question about her paying for the repair. Pulling keys off a keyboard is wanton destruction and should also be paid for. I've never met ANY kids who would do this.l

Tell her also, that her kids are not welcome to visit your house again. Not until they are at least 25 anyway.

Atenco · 03/07/2017 15:51

I have a three-year-old dgd who wouldn't behave anything as badly as those children did.