To ask if I'm a terrible mother or was i unlucky?

[Chattycat78]

Have already posted on this to ask for help pulling myself together when it was happening. Am now reflecting.

Background is- toddler ds- 2.5 fell from a wall on holiday and fractured his skull. He is ok thankfully apart from a few scary days in hospital and a need to be careful he doesn't bash his head.

The terrible mother part comes from the fact that I was watching him at the time. He stepped onto a tiny wall and I told Him to get off straight away. He ignored me and ran across the wall. I grabbed him to get him off- he stepped away from me and fell backwards. Unfortunately the other side of the tiny wall was a 10 foot drop.

There were no notices, fences or anything. TBH I'm so used to the decent safety in the uk that I never dreamed he was in danger until it was too late. . This is where I'm struggling- I would have mamhandled him away from the wall if I had realised that it was so dangerous. But ffs- a toddler could get on it with just a step- no climbing required, so I stupidly assumed that there wasn't a big danger.

I totally misread the situation, and it had serious consequences.

Am I a terrible mother? I sure feel like one OR is it one of those things where others have been in similar situations but got away with it as nothing came of it and it was ok?

Please be honest. If I'm as bad as I think I am, I need to seriously address it.

I remember your first thread on this. You are not a terrible mother. It was an accident. I strongly urge you o speak to your GP and ask for a recommendation for some counselling to process this as it understandably was a very traumatic experience for you.

I think it is very normal for you to be replaying what happened and not yet an indicator for post-traumatic stress. If it persists or starts to interfere with your daily functioning then you could speak to your GP about therapy. Our minds like to problem solve and replaying what happened is a way of trying solve the problem even though it is in the past. Also blaming yourself (or someone/something else) helps you to feel in control again when something like this happens so it can feel safer to blame ourselves than have to face that we don't have all that much control. Please be kind to yourself, you've been through something really difficult and it really is still early days. I'm really glad your son is doing well.

I can relate. My DD ran away from me in the park and onto the pavement outside a few weeks ago. I was sitting under a tree watching her. I thought she would come back when I called her (she always usually does) and by the time I realised what she was doing, she was quite far away. I screamed at her to stop and ran after her, attempting to jump over a small fence but tripped and landed flat on my face. It felt like a nightmare. I looked up, thinking I would see her getting run over by a car but she had stopped and stood there looking at me. I ran over there and we sat on the pavement hugging and shaking. I've asked myself ever since what the hell I was thinking, letting her get that far away from me. But I know in my heart that I love her more than anything in the world and that I would do anything for her and it was just a mistake. I guess it's easy for me to say, given that nothing happened. But you know that you're not a bad mother, deep down you know how much you love your child and how much you care about his safety and well-being. You sound like a really caring and loving mother to me.

NO, NO, NO....you are not a terrible mother! These frightening accidents happen, and as you've said, if you'd realised the potential danger, you would have had him off that bloody wall in a second!
Be grateful your child is OK, be more vigilant in future....but don't beat yourself up about it!