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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my DD join cub scouts?

57 replies

Cleanermaidcook · 02/07/2017 07:48

First post from long time lurker/commenter so please bear with me I'll try not to drip feed.

DD9 wants to join the cubs, atm she is a brownie but finds it boring, she's a tomboy and her friends are boys, she happiest doing physical traditionally 'boy' things. This is great, this is not the problem, she'd make an excellent cub scout.
However -
My DS7 is a beaver, due to move up to cubs straight after the summer hols. They already have 3 activities that they do together and this is their one hobby that they do separately. I'm wary of putting them together for yet another hobby.
They are very close, they enjoy each others company but I feel it's important that they also have their own thing that they do separately too.
DS is away on camp this weekend and DD has been in tears because she misses him so much, before he went he said he would miss her a lot too. If she joined they would go to camp together.
I'm just worried that although it's lovely they're so close they also need time to pursue things individually and have their own interests and space.
For me it would be easier if they were both in scouts, they have activities every evening after school and it would free up an evening. Also the 2 or 3 times a year they go on camp me and dh would get a child free weekend (no family or childcare, never had a night off in 9 years)
But i'm worried that they don't have their own space and interests and are too dependent on each other.
Also as dd is 18 months older than ds she would already be in cubs when he moves up from beavers and then again move to scouts before him and he would join the group with her already established there, I worry that it would change the dynamic of how he interacts with his friends if his sister is there iyswim?
What would you do?

OP posts:
shouldwestayorshouldwego · 02/07/2017 09:09

They are different activities to suit different people. Scouts isn't better or worse than guides. Personally I would like them both mixed although my dd have like the 'girl only' space and I know that there are religious and cultural arguments for keeping it as girl only space.

I don't see why a child who is transgender can join yet a boy who just prefers cooking and craft can't.

If she would prefer cubs then let her join, or let her do both for a while and then decide.

scaryschoolpost · 02/07/2017 09:16

I'm not sure there's religious and cultural reasons for keeping guides girls only.

Scouts had a membership crisis ages back and let girls in to make up the numbers. I think that's been great .

Guides never had that problem and has continued to be a girl focussed organisation. In a world where feminism has a long way to go Im pleased it's still Girl only.

scaryschoolpost · 02/07/2017 09:17

As in I'm not sure the religious and cultural reasons are the mainreasons! Obviously there are benefits to those religions and cultures that keep female only spaces.

Kitsandkids · 02/07/2017 09:19

If she were an older brother instead of a sister she would already be at Cubs and it would just be accepted that her brother would be joining her, I'm guessing? If you think she would prefer Cubs I'd let her join - particularly as you say both children get on well together. If they're happy together I wouldn't worry.

I have 2 boys a year apart and all non school activities are done together. They go to Cubs plus two other youth type groups. Logistically it's easier for them both to go and they both enjoy similar activities.

Mine do go to an after school club at school each that the other doesn't attend. One does drama and the other does music. To be honest that was just the luck of the draw - they both put their names down for everything and that was what they got allocated. Are there any school clubs they can attend that are different to each other?

outabout · 02/07/2017 09:27

Go for Cubs/Scouts. If the pack/troop has a few girls already it makes sleeping arrangements easier for the group as a whole when on camp but girls can share with boys and there is no need for anyone to get undressed for a whole weekend! Washrooms/toilets are separate unless the facility is unavailable at a certain campsite in which case you would probably be told in advance. If you have specific concerns the leader(s) will do all they can to help. Cub/Scout groups do not all have the same 'curriculum' so some do more outdoor activities than others so you can chose groups if there are several in your area. Having boys and girls together is a great way to promote 'equality' or rather that demonstrating inequality is not determined by 'sex'.

ThePurpleSheep · 02/07/2017 09:37

I had the same worries when my DD asked to switch from Brownies to Cubs. She also found the activities on offer at Brownies dull compared to what her brother in Beavers was doing. She was also incredibly jealous of his armful of badges while she had none.

But like others have already said it really wasn't a problem when DS moved up to Cubs, the leaders are used to siblings and put them in different Sixes. There was several other girls already in the pack but I don't think that made any difference. They are all just Cubs doing the same thing regardless of whether they are a boy or girl. In contrast Brownies is definitely all about being a girl,whatever that means but IME (and many others) it meant getting a poorer deal.

Regarding camps the leaders will come up with some plans, if your DD wants to go. They won't exclude her from camp for being the only girl. If its a district camp then she could share with girls from other groups or they could use large tents with separate zipped compartments so your DD can have privacy when needed.

laundryelf · 02/07/2017 09:40

Let her join, it sounds like they get on well together and it will be a positive experience for both of them. Due to the age gap she will move to Scouts before your DS.

ineedaholidaynow · 02/07/2017 12:51

Cubs in our group use Icelandic tents so that probably explains why we have to have separate ones.

Mind having somewhere to change is probably a moot point especially where DS is concerned. He once had a cub camp that ran into a school residential, think there was 1 shower and 1 change of underpants in that time Shock

Original poster
Cleanermaidcook · 04/07/2017 20:57

Update - i contacted the cub leader and they have a space straight away! she starts tomorrow night, den building at the local country park, she's over the moon. thanks for the advice, those that pointed out this wouldn't even be an issue if she was a boy really struck a cord, you were right oh wise mumsnetters xx Flowers

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 04/07/2017 21:02

Good news, hope she enjoys it Smile

DS loved Cubs. Now in Scouts. Went on Aerocamp the other week and went flying in a small plane. It is amazing what opportunities are available to them.

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 04/07/2017 21:29

DD joined Cubs in January. She is also still a Brownie. On the Cub Camp there were 6 girls sharing a tent. It seems very common here to have girls in Cubs and now your DD has joined, maybe some of her friends will too, or other female siblings.

WoofWoofMooWoof · 04/07/2017 21:31

I knew my DTDs (8) would be bored with Rainbows/Brownies, so they were Beavers and now Cubs, and enjoying it so much. They're in the same six, but if you're worried, just ask the scout leader to put them in different sixes. She'll probably mix more with the older kids anyway, giving him a chance to make his own friends. He'll also have the other Beavers moving up with him.

Where we used to live (small village), my DDs were the only girls in their pack, but where we live now there are loads of girls. They had their camp last weekend and did loads of physical activities (including air rifle shooting) while the Brownies camping in the next field did all 'girly' stuff. I know what sounds more fun to me lol. Grin

twelly · 04/07/2017 21:40

I think the scouting/guiding movement has changed due to the admission of girls to scouts, Cubs etc. What seems to have happened is that the admission of girls to scouting has meant that the guides in particular have changed and become more trendy but also less outdoor and adventurous, this has in turn out off more girls who have now joined scouts which has increased the less adventurous activities guides get involved with etc etc. Guiding and brownies now speak of a girls only space, this space is very different from the guides 15 years ago and puts off many girls. I do not know what the answer is

outabout · 04/07/2017 21:45

Scouting (and I presume GG) can be great for all ages.
If you can spare some time as an adult to help out, either occasionally or regularly YOU can join in fun stuff too. Having you as a 'guest' to help run an evening (cake decorating/woodwork/knot tying/climbing wall / map reading etc) can be great fun, much better than a weekend without the children as they are on camp! Fancy learning to Kayak? Volunteer your help out if your troop does this.

Original poster
Cleanermaidcook · 05/07/2017 06:10

Outabout I am a parent helper for brownies (not every week) that's why I know she's genuinely bored with it. I also helped run rainbows for 2 years and when beavers need help I always step in, Please don't assume I'm just trying to get rid of them at camp! I do however think that it's good that they have autonomy from me and so no I wouldn't go on camp with them as teaching independence is also an important life skill.

OP posts:
Pouncival · 05/07/2017 07:41

It's not true that guides/brownies has become less adventurous. It depends on the leader. My dd went right through the guiding movement and loved it.

All my boys went though scouting and she could have had a space as I'm a leader in scouting. She decided to stay with the guides and it was good for her to have a separate activity to her brothers.

Having said that I have brothers and sisters in my pack and it's never caused a problem, I usually put them in separate sixes.

Hope it works out OP

Pouncival · 05/07/2017 07:42

Sorry, should have added - my DDs brownies/guides was just as adventurous as my cub pack.

outabout · 05/07/2017 07:47

@Cleanermaidcook
Sorry I was trying to express a general statement rather than specific to you. The comment about having the children away for a weekend was also tongue in cheek. I was a Scout (assistant) leader and DD was in my Troop but for most activities we were not 'together', for example when walking in groups she would be with a different leader. All the leaders had children in the Troop and it is simply a matter of treating them the same as any other child for the duration of the meeting, perhaps a bit easier when they are Cubs or even more as Scouts as they do get more independent.

Scottishchick39 · 05/07/2017 07:55

So glad you've made the move, my DD was bored to tears in brownies so we moved her to cubs and she loved it. She then moved to scouts and is now an explorer. There are a lot of other girls there too.

scootinFun · 05/07/2017 08:04

Glad you've made the move. As a Cub Scout Leader we are used to dealing with siblings, sole girls on camp etc. Den building is one they're all really enthusiastic about too :)

MiaowTheCat · 05/07/2017 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

annandale · 05/07/2017 08:08

So pleased you've gone for it, your whole family sounds like an asset to Scouting :)

clumsymcfallsalot · 05/07/2017 08:17

I'd let her join. There won't be much cross over before she's onto scouts and he's still in cubs.

Jezzifishie · 05/07/2017 08:33

Miaowthecat - it's quite common where I live for girls to attend both brownies and cubs, they're held on different nights especially for this reason!

irregularegular · 05/07/2017 08:39

I think you may be inventing a problem that isn't really there. Unless there is more background about some issues they have which you are not sharing. Sounds like they are happy kids who happen to get on really well, which is great! I don't think there is any intrinsic need for them to do their own things. If your DD would prefer cubs, and your DS has no objections, then I would move her. I thought you were going to say that your DS didn't want her invading his space.

I'd ask for them to be in separate groups (can't remember what they are called), including for camping, but that's all. You might find other girls join once there is already one there.