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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu due to DH being selfish

52 replies

Clarabelle39 · 02/07/2017 01:52

DH has a hobby that takes him out during the week and weekends. I don't mind but at times it involves drinking my main objection is the wasted next day. He doesn't spend time with out DC we have 3. He is a great dad but I'm really disappointed in him and his selfishness. But he says it's all in my head which I know isn't the case.

OP posts:

happypoobum · 02/07/2017 08:31

It sounds as though your standards with regards to what makes "a great dad" are exceedingly low?

He is out drinking doing his hobby during the week and at weekends?

Sounds like a manchild to me.

Bizzysocks · 02/07/2017 08:33

I think pp are a bit ott. Op says 'at times it involves drinking' How often does this happen?
Is the whole day waisted ? or just the morning after?

Bumdishcloths · 02/07/2017 08:33

Sounds suspiciously like darts.

From experience, a lot of darts players are selfish, narcissistic arseholes.

Boredboredboredboredbored · 02/07/2017 08:37

Darts?

Alittlepotofrosie · 02/07/2017 08:42

Yet another poster who says her partner is a great dad despite the fact he doesn't actually spend time with his kids and gets pissed and hungover so he can avoid them.

Clutterbugsmum · 02/07/2017 08:42

So when exactly is he a 'great dad' if he is out drinking and doing his hobby not to mention him working and the kids at school or sleeping.

So he a great dad for what 30 mins to an hour a day.

Augustbabyyeah · 02/07/2017 08:43

YANBU. He is being a selfish twat. Stand up to him and lay down some new ground rules. Personally I'd be fine with DH having a hobby but it's all about how much time it takes up versus family life.

I'd also speak to him about the amount of alcohol he's drinking, as clearly if he's hungover to that degree it's way too much.

honeysucklejasmine · 02/07/2017 08:49

How exactly is he a great dad?

FaithAgain · 02/07/2017 08:53

There are plenty of hobbies where everyone piles into the pub afterwards. DH used to play pool at the pub. I imagine the 'wasted' day is the Sunday if he's been drinking all of Saturday?

OP he's not a great Dad if he's putting the hobby and the booze before his kids. I would be having a serious chat with him (when he's not hungover). He is being selfish.

pilates · 02/07/2017 09:17

No, he isn't a great dad. Sorry, he is taking the piss.

Giantwhoopsie · 02/07/2017 09:18

I second what Numb is saying! Time passes so quickly and it's cliche but you can't get it back and children will form their own memories and you can't change them.

What is it with men and their bloody hobbies?! Up until recently my DH was a keen cyclist but he's finally (and after quite a few arguments) come to realise he can't go off on weekend cycling events when he has a 2 year old and a baby! There isn't time to train after work and I sure as hell want him around at the weekends to 'join in' the family life he also created!

DearMrDilkington · 02/07/2017 09:21

If he doesn't spend time with his dc then he isn't a great dad.
He sounds pretty shit tbh, I'm sure your dc think the same, at least they will when they look back on their childhood.

JustArandomUser · 02/07/2017 09:21

Take up a hobby yourself, which involves going out at 7am the day after he's been drinking, for the entire day.

liquidrevolution · 02/07/2017 09:23

He sounds a brilliant dad

Have you tried discussing this with him? He will have to drop hobby time so will not like it.

pinkyredrose · 02/07/2017 09:24

What's so great about him? When was the last time he made thier lunch, bathed them, read them a story or took them to the Drs or school outfit shopping?

caffeinestream · 02/07/2017 09:26

Why do so many posters come on here saying how shit/lazy/unavailable their partner is, then go on to say he's a brilliant dad?

He's quite clearly NOT a brilliant dad, OP.

Giantwhoopsie · 02/07/2017 09:30

Caffeine I think its because we're still all brainwashed in to believing the majority of childcare is the woman's job. How often is a mum praised for getting up during the night to a newborn baby, or doing the housework, or taking the children out for the day? But when a dad does it, even once, everyone calls him a great dad.

LexieLulu · 02/07/2017 09:35

My husband used to play rugby, he quit when we had children as he hates hangovers and "it isn't fair on my wife as she doesn't get a break".

He's recently been begged to play again and he's said no. He's said he'll always be there socially and to watch matches, but he won't commit to playing. Also he doesn't want an injury (again) that will cause issues with work.

Funny thing is, I play rugby and my son plays rugby now. My daughter when old enough will play rugby too 😂 but we literally go and train/play then go home

Spadequeen · 02/07/2017 09:40

How is he a great dad? He's out in the week and at least one day of the weekend and then is hungover and useless the next day.

And to top it off he says it's all in your head. Doesn't sound like a great husband either.

Didiusfalco · 02/07/2017 09:43

He's trying to make you think it's in your head? Let me clear this up - it definitely isn't.

pictish · 02/07/2017 09:47

It's all about him hey?
You've told him how you feel...he has deflected it back to you and carried on regardless.
If he wanted to put his time aside for his family, he would.

I don't know what to advise. You can take a horse to water and all that.
It's not ideal is it?

BewareOfDragons · 02/07/2017 09:47

How much non-working time does he have? And how much of that does he spend looking after, being responsible for, and playing with his children?

When they're asleep, does he assume he gets to go out and leave you home to watch them? Or do you get equal nights out? Does he spend evenings in with you so you're not all alone all the time?

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 02/07/2017 09:50

Is it rugby or something? My DH plays. We're lucky as our club is very family orientated. The pitch has a little play park set up and we all go to the club after the games, have a drink, the kids play and then we go home. DH goes drinking with the guys once every 1/2 months.

TBH I'd be fucked off if he got shitfaced every week. He already has the day doing his hobby, goes training once/twice a week so if he got shitfaced every sat while i prodded along with the kids I'd go apeshit.

tinytemper66 · 02/07/2017 09:55

You should do fabl things with the children and when they see their 'wonderful' dad they should say how much fun they had how he missed out! Unless of course he is a twat and it would go over his head. My husband is a shift worker and when my kids were younger I did things without him as otherwise, we wouldn`t go anywhere. Stop him ruining your weekends by taking control and go and enjoy yourselves without him.

tinytemper66 · 02/07/2017 09:55

Fab sorry

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