To consider this?

[PeppaPigObsession]

I posted over on relationships earlier in the week. Thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2964156-DH-wants-to-leave

But for those who don't want to read the whole thread. The TL;DR of it is: Husband wants to leave as he struggles to cope with our SN 2 year old DD and the extra financial strain that comes from that. So he left. He has medical issues of his own which means he can't have DD unsupervised.

So I've been sorting out practicalities of being a single parent to DD. H has said that he doesn't want to see DD unless he can have unsupervised but I don't feel this is practical. He can't run around after a toddler and also has anger issues which can be triggered by her crying. Plus I'd worry that with DDs issues he'll not stick to her all important routine. I said I was happy for MIL to be there with him rather than using a contact centre.

MIL has offered to have DD every other weekend Friday after Nursery - Sunday lunchtime. She's offered for 2 reasons. A) She can then allow H to see her if he chose to once everything calms down and he's realised the grass isn't greener without me/DD and B) she understands my mum can't help me more so she wants to give me a break.

I'm seriously considering allowing it, MIL has a dinning room that could easily be moved round in the future when DD is bigger and needs proper bed MIL said this and will happily put in a day bed/fold up bed or even turn it into a bedroom for DD when she turns 3/4, until then DD still fits in MILs travel cot and quite happily has naps in it when we visit.

H is saying he won't allow it because it's unfair I get a full weekend to myself every weekend when I already get 3 days in the week when she's in Nursery. He accused me of being a bad mother and shirking my responsibilities. I think he seems to forgot DD is up at least 4 times a night but can be up to 10 times he of course sleeps through it, so I don't get much actual rest at night and spend some of those days she's in Nursery resting and catching up. DD knows MIL, sees her at least twice a fortnight, and I will often drop her round for 2-3 hours on a weekend day so I can do the food shop or help my DM with my 80+ year old grandparents, she is happy to be left and MIL recently spent £200+ on doing her garden up to make it safe for DD to play in while MIL supervises from her kitchen.

So AIBU to allow DD to go to her GPs once a fortnight? Or is H right and I am just pushing her off onto other people?

You and MIL seem like grown ups. Him? Not so much.

Yanbu
Your h is a selfish git and your MIL sounds amazing.

So he doesn't see anything wrong with him becoming a part-time parent (he's not too concerned with shirking his responsibilities), but expects you to refuse any help, even from someone with a good relationship with your DD? Of course you are not being unreasonable!! As long as your MIL can cope with the night wakings, why wouldn't you?

Sarnie strangely enough the 3 times DD has had a sleepover with MIL she's slept right through or only woken up once, but MIL says she can cope and that's why she's only offered every other weekend and only until Sunday Lunch so she can catch up on any sleep on Sunday Afternoon/Monday before she works Tuesday. (MIL works Tuesday-Friday)

Sounds like a great plan to me.

Your MIL sounds amazing, and it's a bit gutting that she's so much better than DD's own father!

Mil sounds a whole lot better that exh

But let me get this right, one of the reasons he's left is because he can't cope with your dd and then he says he won't have her unless it's unsupervised. Sounds like a controlling nob to me.

If his mum is happy to have dd and you're happy for her to have dd then give it a go and see if it works for the three of you.

Thankfully OP, it's not up to him.

If your DD is at her gran's then regardless of whether he sees her or not, she is building and maintaining a good relationship with her gran.

Why does he think he can opt out but still tell you what to do? What a fool.

FGS your MIL is a diamond and your STBXH seems somewhat controlling!!!!

Somehow I don't think you will want him back...

I can't get over the fact that he says it's unfair for you to have a weekend off when he's leaving because he can't cope.

Snap up mils offer. It's in your dds best interests to maintain a relationship with mil and twatty dh and great for you to have a break.

She sounds brilliant and it's great that you two have a good relationship despite dh.