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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU in suggesting joining my wedding onto my parents 50th Wedding Anniversary?

37 replies

staveleymum · 01/07/2017 17:10

I have been with DP for 15 years and have 2 DC's (under 10). We've been engaged forever and never really been interested in making it official - its on the to do list!

Anyway my parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary next year and planning an event at the hotel where they had their wedding reception. It's not local to me but with be a lovely event which we wouldnt miss.

Now I know my parents would love to see us married and obviously they are not getting any younger. We dont have lots of spare cash (and if I did I'd have a lot of things I'd spend it on before a lavish wedding).

Anyway I was idly thinking about a special gift for them and the idea of having a small wedding at the same venue perhaps the day after their celebrations (and follow up with a party at home soon after).

I haven't broached this with my parents yet as I couldn't decide if this is stealing their limelight and detracting from their special day or is a lovely thing. Can I ask your opinion please?

OP posts:

fc301 · 01/07/2017 17:13

Impossible to say without knowing your family. Could be a lovely idea, could be atrocious... ask them in a noncommittal way? (If they are in any way selfish don't bother!)

IHaveACrapCat · 01/07/2017 17:14

I was about to say YABU from the headline, but if it's the day after their party with a proper party at home then actually, it could work nicely.

Just make sure they get their do to themselves

lemonsandlimes123 · 01/07/2017 17:16

I think it would be stealing their limelight personally. They are celebrating 50 years of marriage, which is evidently something they value highly. The fact you haven't prioritised marriage and basically couldn't be bothered to get married is in direct contrast to this. It would seem rather disrespectful to me to try and piggy back on their celebration.

coconutpie · 01/07/2017 17:20

YABVU by trying to hikack your parents 50th wedding anniversary. You have been with your DP for 15 years and haven't prioritised getting married yet you now seem to want to pick the day after your parents are celebrating a very significant milestone in their relationship. Pick another date and stop trying to justify this idea by saying your parents aren't getting any younger / they'd like to see you married.

EssentialHummus · 01/07/2017 17:21

It would seem rather disrespectful to me to try and piggy back on their celebration.

This to me too. Using their venue - fine. But why the day after, if you're clearly not in a hurry to wed? And making it out to be a special gift for them - I think very few people would see it that way, personally.

pringlecat · 01/07/2017 17:22

Another vote for stealing their limelight. But it really depends on your family.

BackforGood · 01/07/2017 17:22

Hmm - will vary family to family / couple to couple I think, but I'm erring on the 'stealing their limelight' opinion.
I think the fact that they've organised a big even this far in advance means that they feel this is a lovely big celebration they want to make 'a thing' of, so I don't thin it would be appropriate to jump on the bandwagon.

If family were flying in from around the world or something, then it might make sense, but, for most of us, it just looks like you are trying to get them to pay for your wedding.

If you ask, they'd probably say "of course you can" but their real feeling might not match those words.

Syc4moreTrees · 01/07/2017 17:24

You could get married at a registry office before their big day and show them the certificate as a present if you think they'd find that a "present"

Carolinesbeanies · 01/07/2017 17:59

Yet I think its a lovely idea! How super then sharing the same anniversay date, if I was your parents Id be thrilled... Ask the question OP.

FizzyGreenWater · 01/07/2017 18:03

Hmm yes I think it might be a bit unfair on them. Because presumably they might feel they have to say yes and be delighted.

Golden Wedding is a big thing, it's their day.

PicardsCombOver · 01/07/2017 18:03

Ask op if my ds ever chooses a day near my own wedding anniversary id cry like an onion in a nice way obvs.

IHateUncleJamie · 01/07/2017 18:04

Only you know your parents and whether they'd love this or hate it. If you sat them down and asked them honestly what they think, would they be polite or truthful?

It's a nice idea but not as a surprise, to be honest.

Giddyaunt18 · 01/07/2017 18:16

I think it completely depends on your relationship with your parents. You need to sound them out.

GreenTulips · 01/07/2017 18:20

Do you and your parents share the same friends? Wouldn't DH family want to be there or extended family?

Maybe your mom didn't have her dream wedding and wants one?

Ask them!

Leeds2 · 01/07/2017 18:23

Is there any benefit to you in choosing this day? If not, personally I would choose another date. Or the same date but a year later.

ImperialBlether · 01/07/2017 18:27

I think it wouldn't work having it the next day. People would have two big events on consecutive days. It'd be a pain getting different clothes, meals etc.

Epipgab · 01/07/2017 18:46

Stealing the limelight IMO, sorry.

GreenTulips · 01/07/2017 18:49

Can you get married and then your parents renew their vows and share the cost?

missiondecision · 01/07/2017 19:19

Don't do it.
Even if your parents don't mind. The tongues will wagg you are being a cheapskate. You want to be married amidst such gossip.

NoYesMaybe · 01/07/2017 19:26

It really depends on your relationship with your parents. In my family for instance, we don't care about who has the limelight or what not as long as everyone is happy. My ex's family though, was a lot more different since they tend to be a bit more particular about appearances.

OlennasWimple · 01/07/2017 19:32

Not something that would work in my family, but your's might be delighted.

MrsHathaway · 01/07/2017 19:51

Despite the overlap in guests there's a lot of people who'd want to go to one event but not the other.

I don't think it's a good fit tbh. It's not like combining a wedding with the baptism of the b&g's children.

NotTooWorried · 01/07/2017 19:55

I think you'd be stealing the limelight.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 01/07/2017 21:08

I'd be touched that our anniversary would carry on I think. Sound them out but don't push if it seems they hate the idea.

DAMNgina · 01/07/2017 21:42

I actually think sharing their wedding anniversary is really lovely in many ways - but maybe not their 50th?

This may be one of their last opportunities to have such a celebration that is about just them, their relationship, their love as husband and wife as opposed to Mum and Dad.

Why not do it next year on their actual wedding anniversary?

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