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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hurt that we have been left out of their holiday plans?

38 replies

rainbowsandsunshine · 01/07/2017 15:41

My Mum and Dad have booked a week away to their caravan in the summer holidays. The caravan is on a park where they have statics (which is what my parents have), caravans to rent and tent pitches.

I have 2 brothers (16 & 24), the 16 year old lives at home, he is going with them and taking one of his friends too. My Mum has also invited my other brother and his girlfriend and their 2 children (1 & 3). I have a DD (5), we have not been invited.

I went to my Mums today with my dd for a few hours and my niece and nephew were there, she kept talking to them both about the holiday, building sandcastles, swimming in the sea, buying them a boat etc etc.

So am I being unreasonable to be a little hurt that we didn't get an invite but even more hurt that she happily discussed their plans infront of my dd?

Will happily except it if I am being overly sensitive, I am 24 weeks pregnant so its a possibility, but I would really appreciate your thoughts on this!

OP posts:
therootoftheroot · 01/07/2017 15:42

yanbu to be hurt but did you not mention it to her? did you not say 'can we come? it sounds lovely?'

AlternativeTentacle · 01/07/2017 15:44

A little hurt? That is nasty. Why do you think you are not in the 'inner circle'?

winobaglady · 01/07/2017 15:44

YANBU
But I would have asked if I could go too.

SaucyJack · 01/07/2017 15:46

I can't tell if you're being U TBH from what you've put here.

Is there a backstory? How big is their caravan? Are you going on holiday elsewhere?

Chloe84 · 01/07/2017 15:47

YANBU. Ask her why you were exclude? Does she leave you out of other things?

Are they all in one static?

cariadlet · 01/07/2017 15:48

YANBU for feeling hurt.

I could understand if only your younger brother was going, but it seems very unkind to invite your other brother and his family and to leave you and your family out.

NellieFiveBellies · 01/07/2017 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedSkyAtNight · 01/07/2017 15:51

Depends if you've ever been away with your mum and add without older sibling? Or if your m&d are planning to go away with just you on another occasion? Are they going away in the school hols? Makes sense not to invite you if your cc is still in school.

numbmum83 · 01/07/2017 15:51

Could u look at renting a caravan on the site or nearby ? Maybe there isn't enough room for another 2 adults and a child . Most of the statics are only 8 berths max. But yeah I would be gutted too :( I wouldn't be able to not have this out with my family otherwise it will eat you alive and cause bitterness .

Original poster
rainbowsandsunshine · 01/07/2017 16:04

No backstory really, older brother has always heavily relied on my Mum, whereas I'm a lot more independent. Hes always seemed to be her favourite tbh.

I didn't ask to go to, as I don't want to be invited because I've mentioned it. I wouldn't feel comfortable spending a week with them feeling like they didn't really want us there in the first place. If that makes sense?

Its definitely not a room issue as my brother has paid for a tent pitch and they are camping as apposed to staying with my parents- it's only a small static. Not a travel issue either as DP and I can drive.

We have never been away with my parents in the past and it is in the school holidays so not a school issue either.

Im baffled, she even asked if I'd pop by and water her plants whilst they were away.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/07/2017 16:07

If your bother is paying for himself is it not possibly a case of he did just ask if he could go?

If you want to go then book to go the same time

allofthestress · 01/07/2017 16:10

When is it? Maybe she thinks you'll be too pregnant and not wanting to go? Especially if it's camping.

Italiangreyhound · 01/07/2017 16:10

YANBU. Ask her why you have not been included. It sounds really bad not to include you and also to talk about it in front of you.

Please ask her.

BeepBeepMOVE · 01/07/2017 16:11

How old are you? Are you the oldest? How pregnant will you be by the time of the hol?

FizzyGreenWater · 01/07/2017 16:15

That's just awful, especially the plants thing.

It sounds as if she just does not have you in the same 'bracket' in her head. It may be just that - that it would not occur to her that you would want to go.

You should bring it up. Not 'why didn't you ask us' but more 'it sounds great - you know, especially now that all the cousins are small together, we'd be up for coming along'

Kintan · 01/07/2017 16:17

Just ask her! She may have misunderstood something in the past and think you're not interested in going away with them or something like that? And if not and she's done it deliberately, at least you'll know where you stand for future reference.

user1495025590 · 01/07/2017 16:19

Well I am guessing she took the 16 yo because he is still a child living at home, and a friend to keep him company.Then your other DB suggested bringing his family in the tent.I expect they thought you would pipe up if you wanted to bring a tent too.

Sashkin · 01/07/2017 16:20

I'd assume it was down to the pregnancy as well, unless she has form for doing this. I assume they are going away in August - no way would I be camping at 30+ weeks pregnant!

chocatoo · 01/07/2017 16:22

Maybe just ask her if there is any reason why she hasn't asked you if you'd like to go because DD would love to spend time with her family.

LakieLady · 01/07/2017 16:27

My friend's DSis was born in Truro instead of Croydon because their mum went camping when 36 weeks pg.

In his early years, he was under the apprehension that all babies came from Cornwall!

I'd just tell her that you feel a bit left out, and ask why she didn't invite you.

donquixotedelamancha · 01/07/2017 16:30

"I didn't ask to go to, as I don't want to be invited because I've mentioned it. I wouldn't feel comfortable spending a week with them feeling like they didn't really want us there in the first place. If that makes sense?"

That would make perfect sense if discussing acquaintances. Most people are close enough to parents and siblings to discuss things without the awkwardness you describe.

If your relationship is so strained that you assume they wouldn't want you and the grandkids there then why would you want to go? If you have a relatively normal relationship then I think you are probably being over sensitive and, either way, should just ask them.

I would have assumed they didn't invite you because they thought you would be uncomfortable in a van or tent while so far along with baby. That doesn't mean YABU to feel excluded- its thoughtless of them not to ask.

BalloonSlayer · 01/07/2017 16:42

Maybe she thought you wouldn't want to camp at 24+ weeks pregnant?

I would laugh in your face when non-pregnant if you suggested I join you on holiday but I would have to bring my own tent and camp in it.

pringlecat · 01/07/2017 16:43

Are you much older than your 2 brothers? As in, are you perceived as the adult and they're still "children"? (I know 24 isn't a child, but the cut off for some parents as to when they feel their kids should be independent is a random age.)

How many weeks pregnant will you be when they go camping and when you were pregnant the first time round, would you have been happy to go camping at that many weeks or were you waddling around complaining how everything hurt? It could be that your mum genuinely thinks you wouldn't be interested. I have to say, I would assume that a pregnant woman with a small child would find camping all kinds of different hell.

Original poster
rainbowsandsunshine · 01/07/2017 16:58

Yes I'm the oldest at 26. I will be 29 weeks when they go, however if we were invited I would have booked a static caravan- they have an assortment there.

I think I will have to ask her, will only get on my nerves otherwise.

OP posts:
pringlecat · 01/07/2017 17:00

Hmm, the age gap isn't big enough to be treating you differently on grounds of age. I bet it's because of your pregnancy.

Do ask her gently (don't go in all guns blazing!) because I suspect it's going to eat away at you if you don't have her tell you herself it's because you're pregnant and she is trying to be kind. Rather than exclude you.

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