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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TO leave my 14year old to babysit my 18month old whilst she has her nap today.

92 replies

Bettydownthehall · 01/07/2017 08:57

My two younger girls want to go to the school fete. 11-1pm. Then I have promised my daughter lunch out as a reward for brilliant behaviour. I am planning on taking all of the children for lunch. This will leave no space for the baby's nap and she is a nightmare without it. She reliably sleeps 3 hours per day.

I was thinking about putting the baby to nap, taking the girls to the fete and then coming back to collect them all for lunch.

14yr old could ring me if baby got up, but he is also capable of getting her out of bed and taking her down to play for a bit while I came back.

Seems sensible to me but I know the NSPCC guidelines. But...I also know my children.

OP posts:

Scrumpernickel · 01/07/2017 11:28

I would be worried if any 14 year old we raised wasn't capable of minding a sleeping baby

Me too. And as for him being 'lumbered' with this, well what a load of baloney! He gets to stay home, as is his preference, and keep an eye and ear out for a sleeping toddler. Oh the hardship!

BertrandRussell · 01/07/2017 11:38

"They don't choose to have siblings yet seem to get lumbered with the care."

If you think keeping an ear open for a sleeping toddler for a couple of hours is "being lumbered with their care" I dread to think to how you would react to what I expect of my children!

IloveBanff · 01/07/2017 11:45

HotelEuphoria "Did I make the 18 month old bit up?"

No, it's in the title of the thread!

CaptainAmericasShield · 01/07/2017 11:58

And little one is 18 months not 8 weeks! I think this makes a world of difference: they are fairly robust at this age!

barrygetamoveonplease · 01/07/2017 21:59

Do you have a 14 year old barry? I'd be concerned if my NT teens weren't up to this
I take it you have non-NT teens also, from your comment?
That aside. No, I don't have a fourteen year old currently, nor do I need one to be clear on my views. Fourteen is too young. For many, sixteen is too young. The only exception I would make would be if the fourteen year old were the mother of the baby. Not a fourteen year old father.

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou · 01/07/2017 22:02

"In my mind, babysitting went beyond 'normal chores', and sometimes interfered with my own teenage plans

Well teens can be very selfish, and interfering with their plans is hardly a reason not to do something.

In my house everyone is expected to help out. It's good for teens to have some responsibility.

For many, sixteen is too young

In what way? If your 16 year old can't mind a sleeping toddler, you have much bigger problems to worry about.

ZanyMobster · 01/07/2017 22:21

I used to babysit for 3 children at 14 yo, from 5pm till 1/2am whilst the parents worked. Youngest was 18 months, 3 and 5 YO. I used to get their tea and put them to bed. I would be disappointed if my children were not able to do this for their siblings at that age if required. We seem to have such low expectation of kids these days.

Queenofthestress · 01/07/2017 22:25

Jeezeeee barry hes a teenager, not exactly an 8 year old looking after a baby like youre acting like it is,
The teen as agreed and is happy to, the toddler reliably sleeps for the entire nap and OP is 10 mins away, it's not exactly the situation you seem to be reacting too...

And for the last comment, oh Lord, why exactly would it be okay if it was the mother not the father? Tad sexist there!

You're portraying yourself as some one who is not only sexist but seems to think teenagers are much less capable..

namechangefox · 01/07/2017 22:51

Teenagers really don't need to be protected from themselves. They need to learn responsibility. They need to have family values, and my family values are that we help and support each other. So DC1 helps mind his siblings on occasion. They are all capable of looking after themselves but he is extremely capable at taking the adult role.

I am very happy to give my teens a lot more credit than some on this thread would give theirs obviously. I'm also going to give myself a pat on the back for doing a good job raising the young adults who are capable of taking the role on. We need more appreciation of what we do and what our teens can do.

ZoeWashburne · 03/07/2017 11:01

I was being paid to babysit neighbourhood children at 14 whilst their parents went to dinner/ cinema etc in the evenings. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a 14 year old watching their sibling during the day time.

sysysysref · 03/07/2017 11:17

No, don't do that. It is an unreasonable burden of responsibility for a fourteen-year-old. The baby is your child, your responsibility, not your teenager's
Seriously, what kind of entitled world are we living in that a 14 year old can't watch a sibling for an hour and a half?

RodeoDriveBaby · 03/07/2017 11:27

barry you have very low expectations of teenagers.

GreatFuckability · 03/07/2017 11:32

does having a penis render you less capable of childcare then barry?

what a weird way of thinking.

at 14, I was sole carer for my 2 year old sister between 8-6 most days. my mother was disabled and her dad had to work to keep a roof over our head. I took her on school trips, and school holidays were down to me. Was it ideal? no, of course not. but I was more than capable.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 03/07/2017 11:42

The only exception I would make would be if the fourteen year old were the mother of the baby. Not a fourteen year old father.

What a weird, weird view to hold.

SandyDenny · 03/07/2017 11:48

No, I don't have a fourteen year old currently, nor do I need one to be clear on my views

Barry - with respect if you don't even have a 14 year old your views on their capability aren't worth anything or do you mean that you have older children who weren't capable at 14?

I can tell you that at 14 my teens were capable of minding a 18 month old safely for a couple of hours and did on more than one occasion.

My DC are in no way extraordinary in any capacity, there's no way they are the only ones ever to have been capable.

Brittbugs80 · 03/07/2017 11:48

If he's responsible then it's fine. I used to babysit every Sunday evening from 6pm till midnight for a 5 year old, I was 11. It was a family friend and I used to get £10 for it.

I was responsible and knew who to call in an emergency. Neither of us have been scarred.for life, traumatised or turned to a life of crime because of it and neither did the house burst into flames while we were on our own.

JufusMum · 03/07/2017 11:57

I see no issue, my DD 14 regularly babysits for families in our village for full evenings.

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