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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

TO leave my 14year old to babysit my 18month old whilst she has her nap today.

92 replies

Bettydownthehall · 01/07/2017 08:57

My two younger girls want to go to the school fete. 11-1pm. Then I have promised my daughter lunch out as a reward for brilliant behaviour. I am planning on taking all of the children for lunch. This will leave no space for the baby's nap and she is a nightmare without it. She reliably sleeps 3 hours per day.

I was thinking about putting the baby to nap, taking the girls to the fete and then coming back to collect them all for lunch.

14yr old could ring me if baby got up, but he is also capable of getting her out of bed and taking her down to play for a bit while I came back.

Seems sensible to me but I know the NSPCC guidelines. But...I also know my children.

OP posts:

GeorgeTheHamster · 01/07/2017 09:22

It's fine

Blinkingblimey · 01/07/2017 09:24

Yep, would be fine in my book too!

EdmundCleverClogs · 01/07/2017 09:25

But this isn't- it's helping to make sure a family event later is fun for everyone.

Yes but the 14 year old might want to do their own thing whilst their sisters were at the fete. They all might be having fun later, in the meantime the 14 year old is at home with extra responsibility whilst others are out enjoying themselves. An older child isn't an instant babysitter - a previous poster was a bit abrasive in saying 'it's your kid!', but I do not agree with the idea that older children should instantly be expected to babysit 'because it's family' either.

coldcanary · 01/07/2017 09:28

I'd have no problem with it at all, my teen babysits his younger siblings quite a lot.
As long as the 14 year old doesn't mind doing it and you're happy that's really all that matters.

Hulababy · 01/07/2017 09:34

Id have no issues with this, if you 14y is sensible and can contact you fairly easily.

Hulababy · 01/07/2017 09:36

Though I do agree it should be something you ask your DD rather than expect. And I would offer a little extra pocket money or some form of incentive - babysitting shouldn't be something a parent expects their older child to do.

KarmaNoMore · 01/07/2017 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotYoda · 01/07/2017 09:40

Of course it's OK

BertrandRussell · 01/07/2017 09:41

"but I do not agree with the idea that older children should instantly be expected to babysit 'because it's family' either."

Well, I suppose if the older child had other plans that would be different. But there is no suggestion he does. And would the same apply to walking the dog, washing up, setting the table......?

Icklepickle101 · 01/07/2017 09:41

My 18 month old has been left my my 13 year old sister in law for half an hour awake (emergency situation!) but I would definitely be okay with asleep if he is confident and sensible around her in case she wakes up

barrygetamoveonplease · 01/07/2017 09:42

She's asking him to babysit for a couple of hours in the middle of the day, not adopt her
He's fourteen. He's too young.

DJBaggySmalls · 01/07/2017 09:44

That sounds fine. He's sensible and he has a phone number in case of emergencies.

Original poster

Bettydownthehall · 01/07/2017 09:45

No he doesn't have plans. If he did I wouldn't expect him to. His social life comes before making my life easier. He hasn't though. He values his 'relaxing' time and doesn't mind a bit keeping an ear out for the baby.

OP posts:

diddl · 01/07/2017 09:45

14 is plenty old enough to babysit, isn't it?

As long as they don't mind.

StinkPickle · 01/07/2017 09:47

Yes 14 is old enough to babysit even if the baby was awake I'd say!

BeepBeepMOVE · 01/07/2017 09:48

If you are rewarding your daughter for good behaviour with lunch then taking all the kids sort of negates that.

EastMidsMummy · 01/07/2017 09:49

Completely fine. Totally normal. Entirely unremarkable.

BertrandRussell · 01/07/2017 09:49

It's absolutely fine, OP, go for it. Ignore the widening discussion on here!

For what it's worth, if I had raised a NT 14 year old uncapable of looking after a younger sibling awake or asleep for a couple of hours, I would think I had failed somewhere along the line.

EdmundCleverClogs · 01/07/2017 09:50

Well, I suppose if the older child had other plans that would be different. But there is no suggestion he does. And would the same apply to walking the dog, washing up, setting the table......?

Those are different, general house-running chores. Ten minutes pitch in here and there is different from taking responsibility for someone else's child (even if it is a sibling). Some older kids are happy to do it, some need incentives and others would rather chop their own hand off than look after young kids. All are fair choices. The important thing is to ask the older child first, not assume they'll do it because it's family.

If the OP's son has been asked, not told, and is ok to do it, then I personally cannot see an issue. If this is a discussion on whether it's ok before he's even been asked, on the basis that if we all go 'yes 14 is old enough' and that's that, I think that's rather unfair.

SandyDenny · 01/07/2017 09:50

No, don't do that. It is an unreasonable burden of responsibility for a fourteen-year-old. The baby is your child, your responsibility, not your teenager's

If you have children with a large age gap this is totally normal family life, it's nonsense to think you can't pop out and leave the two of them together.

Do you have a 14 year old barry? I'd be concerned if my NT teens weren't up to this.

No bigging up would be needed in my house, sweets from the fair would be enough incentive

YogiYoni · 01/07/2017 09:50

It sounds like he's happy with it and you don't ask him to do it often. I don't see any problem with this at all.

welshgirlwannabe · 01/07/2017 09:52

Yes. That is a perfectly reasonable thing to ask and do. I babysat my younger sister St that age. It's just family life isn't it?

My 15 year old ds sometimes holds the fort if I want to pop out while the toddler is in bed. It's fine. Neither child will be affected by this.

Original poster

Bettydownthehall · 01/07/2017 09:53

Beepbeep - she wants her siblings to come. The treat for her is choosing where and having all that power 😂

OP posts:

Hulababy · 01/07/2017 09:53

Sounds perfectly fine then, and in that case, as not changing his plans in order to do it, no need for extra pocket money either.

Its more when its an expectation, and expected to come before their own plans, when the extra pocket money should come into it.

thepatchworkcat · 01/07/2017 09:54

Sounds okay to me too, I was also babysitting other people's children when I was 14 (three at one time with one family!). I mean it was the 90s but I'm sure it's still ok? And he can call you to come back so he doesn't even really have to do anything much but listen out for her!

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