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To wonder why I'm so invisible :(

34 replies

Topbananaa · 30/06/2017 18:24

I'm just so lonely. I've lived here now for around 4 years and have no real friends, I have people that I talk to and make conversation and try to suggest 'oh we should do this one day... etc' but nobody ever takes me up on it. In fact people just arrange things together literally while we're stood in a group, like at school pick up, and I just feel so embarrassed that I'm just completely excluded. I'd just like a friend to go for a coffee with, or a few glasses of wine, normal stuff. Not really sure what I do wrong, or why nobody ever seems interested in being my friend.
Sorry, I've just reread that, and it's so cringey and embarrassing but I'm just feeling really sad :(

OP posts:
Ilikecheeriosyum · 01/07/2017 23:57

Honestly? I struggle with this too and i was legitemetly really surprised when I got feedback from someone i didn't particularly like, as to why,

I am quiet, not shy, just, quiet I like to listen and understand people that way, dont see much point in small talk but always always very polite, if someone is drivelling on I'll always nod and smile, but i really get in my element in deep or interesting conversations or debates. Mad as a box of frogs according to dh,

But apparently i come across as "snobbish" and "better than everybody else" because im quiet, and not shy!

So the best thing I can advise is to take the first step and let people know that you aren't an alien who believes they're better than everyone and fake it until you make it,

I started chatting about inane boring things, tv shows, news, weather (yes dear Christ it got that bad. Weather happens people!!!) And slipped in that i do normal people activities like eat cereal in bed at night and people relaxed and opened up. Once I'd crossed the "awkward barrier" and gotten to know them over coffee or whatever I decided who i wanted to really engage with and asked lots of questions and got into deeper conversations,

The friendships that stuck we're good ones, but you do have to dig through superficial ones first.

LuxuryDrinks · 02/07/2017 00:02

nogrip Flowers

JustDontGetItAtAll · 02/07/2017 00:28

Are you in North Yorkshire OP? I'm in same boat. Feel free to PM me either way, we can chat :) xx

NoLoveofMine · 02/07/2017 00:32

You sound lovely as do all the posters on the thread :)

GreenTulips · 02/07/2017 00:34

I feel the same sometimes - plenty of people to chat too - but it's like everyone has their own established groups and aren't taking any more onboard!

mrsp2009 · 02/07/2017 18:33

I've recently moved to a new area and due to working haven't had much opportunity to do the school run and meet local mums that way. My child is 10 so the days of whole class parties and meeting the other parents that way don't really happen at this age either - someone suggested joining a (free) site called Mush which is where mums can meet other mums in the other area. You write a short bio of yourself and then can send and receive messages to other mums in the local area. I only joined a week ago but have already found a few local mums who share similar interests and plan to meet for shopping and a cuppa in the next few weeks. Funnily enough none of us have children the same age - we are all just lonely local Mums wanting company for ourselves!

HesterGreysGarden · 03/07/2017 13:10

I think I understand what you're saying playingsardines. Sometimes you're just not a good fit with the community you find yourself in. Others seem to be interpreting this as necessarily class-based, but it can be to do with other factors like religion or culture (e.g. one community might have thriving arts scene, another might have a strong WI, etc.) too. I'm - thankfully - not in that position now, but I have been in the past. Have you ever considered moving? It can be life changing. Hard to underestimate the drip effect of living somewhere you feel vaguely out of step.

Sushi123 · 03/07/2017 21:30

Where are you

Screwinthetuna · 03/07/2017 22:10

I agree with a previous poster that asking a mum at school to come the park one day is a good start. Do you work? If not, a part time job would help.

Humans are so bizarre; there are so many of us and yet so many of us are lonely.

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