To ask how to get our 4 year old to stop shouting/crying in the middle of the night?

[farfarawayfromhome]

A few months ago DD, aged 4, started waking up screaming blue murder in the night. She was inconsolable, heart racing, tears running down her face. We thought it was night terrors, and because we both work, and she sleeps in a double bed, one of us would jump in to comfort her and sleep with her (I know, I know).

Fast forward a few months and she now still wakes up shouting for us, but I don't think it's night terrors, she just wants one of us to sleep with her. She will not stop until one of us cracks and does it.

We've tried sticker charts, bribery and also leaving her alone to see if she calms down, she never does. She gets more and more and more upset to the point of heaving. By which point both of us have been woken up and it's the middle of the night and we're exhausted...

We thought it was just a phase but it has been four months or so now and we know we can't continue like this...but have no clue how to stop it.

If you've faced the same can you please share examples of what has worked for you?

I would try and avoid the co sleeping thats why i have the problem i have. Just keep going in and reassure her. Get into her bed. When shes asleep go back to yours...?

nomorebabies I have tried that...she takes an age to fall asleep (has bat ears and wakes up if I try to move) and then when she realises I am gone wakes up screaming again every time. This can mean I'm awake for a 5 hour block!

I would just take it in turns with DH and spend the whole night co sleeping-when she wakes and consistently finds you there it will help

At 4 they should be sleeping through. I don't wake my partner up at night because I want a cuddle, no.

A friends daughter stopped sleeping when she went to school. They tried everything. Eventually saw a paediatrician who said it was, at 5, completely normal. She was just processing such a lot from school. So no, 'should' isn't appropriate.

I have not read everything. I'm off to work.
Wanted to add, sounds like night terrors, if she wakes a roughly same ti each night. Set an alarm, wake her gently before she wakes you to avoid the night terror. My dd had these. It took a few nights but did work. She screamed and screamed she didn't realise recognise us, she was still asleep but with eyes open.

To clarify she didn't scream when we woke her...
she woke with the night terrors screaming and didn't recognise us.

A friends daughter stopped sleeping when she went to school. They tried everything. Eventually saw a paediatrician who said it was, at 5, completely normal.

he was talking rubbish! When he said 'normal' I guess he meant there was no underlying condition causing her to be awake.But it is behaviourally not normal and needs sorting.You all need a good nights sleep!

User , I'm not sure Ekphrasis ' paediatrician was talking rubbish (unless you are also a pead, in which case I stand corrected ) We had very similar advice when DD1, aged 4, had never slept through a single night, but was waking several times a night with what was referred to as 'confusional arousal', a kind of 'trapped in sleep agitated waking', which manifests quite like night terrors. He told us that it is really common for children not to sleep through until they start school.

In addition, at a birthday party this weekend, a sample of 10 parents (all bar one) reported regular night-wakings right up until the start of school.