Resenting being a mummy...

[EmmaJR1]

Don't get me wrong - I'm ecstatic at finally being a mummy to a gorgeous 7 week old boy - however having lived nearly 40 years as an independent women, travelling, going out late, buying whatever I want I'm finding it more difficult than I imagined to adapt to having a tiny human attached to me ALL THE TIME!
He is a good baby and I can't complain about being hard done by because I'm not - I'm very lucky. It's just EVERYTHING I do now is in relation to this gorgeous bundle- I even walk the dog with the baby! Am I being unreasonable to miss my carefree days? I feel a bit guilty...

Yanbu it's so hard! You will get used to it tho... and enjoy 'me' time even more when it eventually does happen!

YANBU it's a huge shock to the system, especially when you are used to being out and about and doing things when you want to etc

I struggled big time, I still have days where I find it tough if he's a little moany etc but I know it will get better, I have anxiety so I just deal with one day at a time.

You will get there, I promise, just don't feel bad for thinking it.

Also ignore the complete idiots commenting negatively, we are meant to be supportive and their comments are rude and unhelpful. And I know if you are anything like me you will zero in on those type of responses because you feel guilty. It's ok so don't worry keep your head up, you've got this, we all have xx

Not at all! Your entire world has been turned upside down. I honestly felt exactly like you with my first. As pp have said, it doesn't last long.

I promise you it will get better, your life will come back, the old you will return. Except you'll have the source of your greatest joy with you from now on.

Congrats on your new bundle. Have a glass of wine on this lovely evening and enjoy it.

@welshweasel
Part of it for me was the fact that I was used to excelling in everything to do with my career and just assumed I'd find looking after a baby easy. I mean, it's a natural thing to do, plenty of teenagers manage, why would I find it hard. And then I did and I felt totally inadequate.

**Absolutely this! He was very much wanted, planned, debated and longed for. I love him with all my being and think about him 100% of the time. Every decision is made with consideration to how it will effect him and his life/well-being. I'm just not used to feeling inadequate - I knew it would be difficult/tiring/testing although totally worth it... BUT I just thought I'd "get it" and be "better" at it. ( used better for want of an appropriate word!)

@rainbowbreeze123
Thanks for your exceedingly supportive message. I'll take your advice and shove it. I am extremely grateful for what I have - we tried for 3 years to have him. I'm just expressing that I'm finding it a bit of a shock to the system. You however I'm sure are a pro at parenting 100% of the time.

Everything I have ever done in my life, no matter how hard, has been resolved by working hard. I have excelled in everything I've ever tried just by working my fingers to the bone. Except motherhood. My first dd had colic, it was a massive shock to my system. The second was much easier. With dd1, at the time I thought I was doing it all wrong and damaging dd beyond repair. It's only with a bit of distance from those first few years that I've realised I did alright actually.

@Alittlepotofrosie
Hi, of course I had an idea of "what I was getting in to" Im not stupid! I'm just surprised that I'm missing the stuff I used to do.
Thanks for your understanding though.

Nope OP. We're all clueless, some people are better at winging it that others.

What you are feeling is entirely normal. Make itup as you go along, doubt yourself, worry that you are getting it wrong. I've been winging it with my first born for 16 years now.

Thank you everyone - you've made me feel a whole lot better. My husband is amazing with him and does the bedtime stuff and gives me a break whenever I need it but it's more that I feel I SHOULDNT need the break, I should just glide through smiling serenely whilst looking glamorous in my very clean and tidy house that smells amazing because of all the yummy home made from scratch food I'm making..,, YEAH RIGHT! I'm lucky if I remember to brush my teeth before lunchtime!

You aren't being unreasonable to kids them, lord no! That craving only gets worse I'm afraid.... but you do need to accept you're in for a hell of a life-changer and it's time to buckle up and forget about you for the good foreseeable future!

Sorry that should have been 'miss' not kids!

I may just be basing this on my own experiences as a lone parent, you have a partner so I have zero sympathy. Pass the baby to him and STFU

YADNBU.

It's so hard. No matter how you got there or what the "back story" is. And if it was a tough journey for you it DOES NOT mean you should feel guilty about finding it less than amazing every moment of the day.

1 sentence that my best friend told me early on (she had 2 DCs before me) - There are Good Days and Bad Days. It has helped me a lot.

Make sure you find time for your own "headspace" - it takes a while to find any "time" at all but a supportive partner/relative or friend can be a godsend just for half an hour so you can get some fresh air/exercise/read a book/make a phone call/cook a decentish meal.

Oh and to the poster who supported her late friend - that is a lovely post and she was a lucky lady to have such a wonderful friend

If you are worried at all about your feelings please please talk to someone - GP/HV/friend etc etc

I feel I SHOULDNT need the break,

Of course you need a break!! Even if you were eating the most delicious chocolate in the world you would need a break from it. It doesn't matter who you are with, you can't be with them 24/7, not your husband, but your best friend, not your child. It's unrealistic and setting yourself up for failure if you think you won't or shouldn't need a break. It is absolutely normal to need a break from the screeching miniature human that wants to be attached to your body permanently! take those breaks, insist on them, grab them with both hands when they aren't offered to you and run!

I was mental with DD1. Everything was cooked from scratched, from the organic green grocers, steamed, and could be puréed, oh no, it had to go through a mouli. So no fiberous particles would require digestion from my previous baby's intestine. We weaned at 3 months back in the day.

DS4 had fish fingers from a packet with orange breadcrumbs VERY early on.

Take the pressure off yourself. Get some 'loungewear' (not PJs, not going out clothes). Always clean your teeth, aim to have a shower daily. That's really it for now.

If you have 'baby-mates', if you did AN classes, try to get together. Realise you are all clueless, all Muddling through and all struggling. But you can at least laugh about it all together. Otherwise spend far too much time on here. My MN AN group were fab and i became RL friends with many of them.

Nice Sunshine. I was a lone parent with DC1 but can still empathise with a new mum finding her way.

Cross post with MeanAger
High five.

"I may just be basing this on my own experiences as a lone parent, you have a partner so I have zero sympathy."

The warmth is all encompassing.

My husband is amazing with him and does the bedtime stuff and gives me a break whenever I need it but it's more that I feel I SHOULDNT need the break, I should just glide through smiling serene

Lol! In that case, in the nicest possible way, you're nuts. Everyone needs a break. That's what dads are for - and if you don't start by sharing the work it just gets worse and worse as one parent starts to become the "expert" and the other feels inadequate.
Think of it as you doing your dh a favour if it helps :)

Oh op it's still early days and it is a massive adjustment so don't feel bad. Most mums I know felt exactly the same, however wanted their precious babies were (mine included). It's all consuming and however much people tell you that beforehand, you cannot possibly comprehend it until it happens. It does get easier and one day you'll feel like you've known your child all of your life rather than just their short one.

wow sunshine, how lovely and friendly.

Just ignore that comment!! Completely unnecessary.

Well I'm a lone parent too, I was from day 1, that doesn't mean OP can't find it hard. It is. Whether you have a million people on hand to help or none, having a new baby is just about the biggest life change you will ever go through. It physically drains you just at the very time you need your energy most, the hormones are fucking insane, you don't know your arse from your elbow half the time, your eyes send out a search party for your eyelids because they've been missing for weeks on end, and you go days without speaking to anyone other than your partner and even then it's about the baby or how his day without the baby was

It's a huge adjustment and I've always thought that anyone would find it tough, even if they've been trying for 10 years for their longed for baby.

It really does get better, you get to know them, get used to them being in your life and once you do, hopefully can't imagine life pre-child.

However, you're still a person, a woman who needs hobbies, friends or just time to be you for a bit so try to make that time, it's way more important than an immaculate house, although a spray of scent and a bit of lipstick can help you feel more than just 'mum'

You'll be fine, you're normal. Congratulations on your lovely baby.

The only real way you can recharge from children, is by having a break from them. True. Mine are 5 and 1 1/2 and if anything it's getting fucking harder! I'm so burned out and frustrated by the lack of an adult life. YADNBU.....