I don't want to be a mum anymore.

[YellowCushions]

I don't enjoy it. It's hard work and DD never smiles. I think I make her unhappy. I try so hard but it doesn't seem enough. She deserves a mum who enjoys her.
I miss my job. My career was my identity and I resent OH getting to leave us for seven hours a day. I'm so sad this is how I feel because DD is beautiful and brings everyone so much joy. I just wish I was her auntie or something so didn't have all the responsibility.
I have no one to talk to. None of my friends have babies. My one mummy friend is very much a yummy mummy who seems to love every second of it and it all seems to come so naturally.
I'm sorry I just needed a rant. I'm so tired, bored and anxious.

Definitely speak to your GP / HV. It sounds very much like it could be PND.

Those early days are overwhelming and knackering for most people. At this stage all you need to do is keep her warm, fed and safe. She doesn't know (or care) whether you are enjoying her or not right now unless of course she is being left in distress. If that isn't happening, you are doing a great job. And it DOES get better.

Ah lovely, 10 weeks is still so very new and if it's your first baby then yes, it's completely normal to feel like this. It's such a shock to the system actually have a baby. It doesn't matter how many books you've read, how many people have told you what it's like, actually having a baby and being responsible for it 24/7 is such a change of life and it is absolutely relentless.

Please speak to your GP about PND. You probably need some help even if it's just short term.

Speak to your health visitor. She may have some advice for you.

And look at going back to work. This may be the thing you need most. I went back when DD1 was 6 months old and she loved going to nursery every day and I enjoyed my time with her at weekends so much more.

You aren't alone and this is just a phase I promise. It gets easier as they get older and don't need feeding every few hours and don't need nappy changes constantly and they start sleeping much better. You are still you, you are still the same person but you now have this little girl to look after.

So make sure you find what works for you (ie going back to work) so you can be the mum you really want to be.

And get your partner to look after the baby one day at the weekend so you can get out and have a decent break, even if you are only going for a walk round the shops.

Ten weeks is tiny, still a newborn. It won't be like this forever. Are you on maternity leave or did you leave your job?

You surely didn't "have to leave" your job, did you? Aren't you on maternity leave?
Why don't you start planning to go back to work? It's not going to be straight away, but you could be back at work in under six months. Don't feel guilty about it. Lots of people do it. It doesn't make them crap mothers or failures.

And, yes in the meantime, go and speak to your GP.

Had the most horrific birth with DC1 and didn't bond immediately because this tiny little thing had caused me so much pain. Swore I would never have anymore. I left her with everybody that would babysit. Fast forward 3 years, and I loved her beyond belief. 21 years later, we are best friends, and she has 3 siblings. It does get better, I promise.

How much support are you getting from your OH? Can you hand him the baby when he walks in the door and go out and do something for yourself?

Just to add to my previous post, my DD1 is now 18 and at university. She is living a wonderful life and is really happy but she still phones me regularly, still calls just to talk to her mum. I have a daughter who is my friend as well.

It still feels like yesterday that I brought her home from hospital and put her in the moses basket and just looked at her and thought 'wtf do I do with her now?'.

I felt like you when my ds was a baby. It took many months to be diagnosed with pnd and, as others have said, looking after a baby is so hard that even if you don't have pnd everything WILL get better. It takes time.

My son is 2 and a half and I love him completely. It will change. I can't remember life before him now: I miss him when I'm at work and he provides so much happiness.

So much so that I'm pregnant now with number 2...

Ah yes 10 weeks. Around 2 months is the worst time. You are past the 'postnatal' phase so expect it to start getting better. But it doesn't, until about 4 months in my experience.

Chin up and if you think you may have PND talk to doc.

This could have been me 20 years ago. There wasn't light at the end of the tunnel until the day I dropped DS off at nursery at 5 months old and got in my car and drove to work. Things got better after that.

I always loved mine totally and completely it was just so dull, boring and bloody hard work and depressing being at home all day with a baby.

Awful - I hated every single second of the first 5 months.

When I had my first I loved my career too - i only took 3 months off and then went back - some people thought it was awful but it was too much of who I was and I wasn't ready to change.

7 years down the line and I am part time but I completely get your point about not enjoying the baby clubs - I still hate them - however many of my friends have really enjoyed them - just not my thing.

It does sound like you have Pnd though so please speak to the GP - my sister had it pretty bad after her second and said it took her a year to actually start enjoying him

It might be PND...However, some people just don't enjoy looking after tiny babies

As someone who hasn't had children this is something I wonder about. Obviously PND is real and hormones are everywhere, but I wonder how many women are depressed simply because they've actually realised they don't like parenting but are now stuck in that situation. Or that, like OP, they've had to give up their dream job (which must be gutting).

It gets better. It got much better when I went back to work. Even better when he learned to walk and talk. He's 5 and (mostly) delightful. We have been having a cuddle, doing some gardening after school, he'll help me make dinner and helps enormously with his newborn sibling. And I feel so much less resentful of DC2. It's so much easier.
Partly it's that I know it's a phase. Everything gets better. Partly I am used to having a not spontaneous life and factoring a child in. And partly because I am at peace with being 'mum'.

I went to my GP for help when my first was about the same age. I also had few friends with babies and was suffering because of it. I wasn't diagnosed with PND but they listened and encouraged me to get out and go to groups. I needed a routine once I'd stopped work, more than my baby! I found that support the second time around - you may not gel with the groups you find. But it did get better and I did go on to want another! Babies are hard work for little reward at this age x

I could have written your post last year! I struggled a lot in the first few months of my boys life. The blues came on day 3 and never left. Luckily I had a fantastic gp who noticed and I was on antidepressants that were compatible with bf, had counselling sessions, a health visitor that came weekly until 4 months and it was a God send. I joined lots of baby groups even though the first few felt like torture, all alone and boring feeding talk but persevered and now have a great group of friends with kids the same age. He is one now and I've been off antidepressants since he was 8 months. It does get easier, they do become more interesting but the most important thing is asking for help. I think if I hadn't have broken down in tears at my 6 week gp check I dread to think how I would be now.

Tiny babies aren't very interesting TBH, or at least I never found them to be.

I can understand how you feel, it's easy to get lost as a person and friends and family can be tactless.

Talk to them, tell them you appreciate them being interested in you too, talk to your GP about getting help if you feel you have PND.

It will settle, you will go back to work eventually.

Oh, darling. I so feel for you.

I hated my life after my firstborn arrived - I was so, so sad. In my head, I timetravelled backwards daily and had an abortion.

I swear, it gets better.

Please see your GP. Is the baby's father in the picture?

Oh Sweetie, I could have written your post 15 years ago...but I promise you I was much, much worse. After DD1 was born I felt totally trapped and suffocated, and dreaded having the responsibility of her. To be honest I knew something was very, very wrong before we even left hospital...I was scared of being alone with her and just felt utterly bereft, and that my life as MaQueen was over.

I also had a career I absolutely loved, and dreadfully missed my independence and freedom. I hated that DH could just leave us for 8 hours a day, and my poor Mum used to come over every, single day to help me because I just couldn't cope. At all. I just wasn't rational much of the time, and it was terrifying.

My HV was fantastic and got me an emergency appointment with my GP who immediately diagnosed PND. I was one of the very unfortunate women who react very seriously to hormonal changes (I had suffered a similar depressive spell when I tried the Pill back at university). I started ADs immediately, and within 6 weeks I was coping so much better

I slowly began to fall in love with DD1, and by the time she was 5 months old the love I felt for her was so fierce it was primeval.

Fast forward 15 years and we are very, very close and she is an absolute joy to be around

Oh and there used to be a PND HQ and helpline, somewhere in London? It was staffed by volunteers who had all suffered with PND and recovered - I spent hours just talking to them, and they were 100% lovely and understanding, and so reassuring.

Perhaps Google and see if it's still there?

Now that my firstborn is almost 15, I am struggling to cope with the beginning of the end of this chapter. I draw comfort from the fact that I adapted to life with children, and I can adapt to life after children (not that they ever go away, of course).

It does go so fast, but I know that's of no comfort to you now.

Please try just once a day to get out of the house, meet friends, even if you don't feel like it.

OP 10 weeks is a lifetime in 'normal' time but for a baby/new mum it's still really really early days. I struggled so much in the first 4 months or so, wondering why I felt I just couldn't go on. I didn't really believe everyone who said it would get better, but it really really does. After 6 months I found things improved quite a bit. But you should speak to your gp.

Thank you for all the encouraging messages. I have faith that things will get better.
I was just out for tea with my work friends and it was lovely to see them. DD was with me and she got cuddles from everyone so I got a little break. She also gets taken out by her great grandparents for two hours once a week which gives me a break. I have lots of family support.

I am going back to work in September. I'm doing a day next Tuesday. And then two more before then. I'm sure I will appreciate her more when I get some space.

We live with OH. He is a good man and works hard for us. He is good with DD and does feeds and nappy changes and all the other stuff. The only thing he doesn't do is her night feeds during the week as he has a long commute but he does them on a Friday and Saturday.

Sorry I'm not good at bold but in ref to this:

I have had depression in the past.
When I got into my career I was so happy. I had been training for seven years and a lot of my depression was about not being "where" I wanted to be. Then I fell pregnant and I had to leave. I love DD but I feel like I've spent years trying to get my dream job and it lasted less than 6 months. I'm not a mummy person so I'm finding clubs and that hard. I'm just not that interested in talking about DD's eating ect let alone other people's babies!

You know what, this sounds like a totally normal and reasonable feeling! Ignoring the details, you had to stop something you loved to do something you actually don't enjoy that much and find quite boring (though of course you love your DD). There's so much pressure to love being a mum and enjoy every single second of it, but really, you don't have to pretend that's always the case or you don't get really fed up and bored too. You're more than just a mum.

Your feelings are totally legitimate and I think part of you feeling low could be because society doesn't think it's acceptable to feel those things. Well it bloody is!

It's definitely also worth looking into PND and seeing your GP too, just so you can be aware of your feelings and manage your day to day life better. Work on feeling happier where you can and accepting where you currently are in life, but definitely don't beat yourself up about your feelings

Also 10 weeks is still tiny, it's a massive adjustment and it will get better with time

Yellow, when my son was around that age, I was frantically googling adoption and fostering services for my borough, because all I could think of was of finding a way to rectify the appalling mistake I'd made in having a child. I once got up and walked out of the house in the middle of the night and walked around for hours in a pretty grungy part of London, because I couldn't stand it any more and this was a planned baby. I didn't have PND. I suspect it's sometimes over-diagnosed when women are simply understandably hating the grim first weeks and months which, let's face it, for a lot of people are just awful.

If our society wasn't still so hung up on the idea of maternal love solving all, it would be easier to acknowledge that having a baby isn't all warm and fuzzies for many women, it's a horrific, isolating time of sleep deprivation and endless servitude to something small and vocal that you haven't yet had a chance to learn to love, because you're too busy trying to figure out what its various wails mean.

The good part is that for the vast majority of people it gets much, much better, on its own, with no effort from you. My son is five now, and I'm a besotted mother and loving this part. It got abruptly better for me once maternity leave was over -- work is also very important to me. You are exactly the same person you were, and eventually parenthood will become compatible with that. It's hard to believe at ten weeks (my friends told me, and I didn't believe them), but don't panic. Just keep breathing.