To worry boyfriend hasnt paid enough to ex? Does this arrangement seem fair?

[Sancerresanwine]

I have been with new boyfriend and he seems very lovely, with a really good Co parenting relationship with his ex. It was a mutual split and he left the family Home and rents a place nearby.

I was under the impression he pays 900 pounds per month on top of the mortgage as his ex is mainly a sahm with a bit of woth. Last night we talked about the specifics and it emerged that he paid the full mortgage of the house and then 500 extra. I was a bit horrified as running a home with bills is surely about that, let alone petrol and living costs. She got a part tine job around the kids and now has a new partner and all seems OK but I felt she must have really struggled, and that concerned me. Bf is clearly a high earner. Is this a fair situation in others experience? I can't get my head round it for some reason and worry that he has not been as generous as he could have been.

That's very generous. There's no need to be worried.

For reference, my exH pays anywhere between £300-600 a month for our two DC, depending on his mood, and £1 a year maintenance to me.

I get the feeling OP really thinks he's TOO generous and was hoping people might say so

Yes I feel this too

if you think he is mean and speaks badly about his ex and isn't a good father you are better asking yourself why are you with him

If not then it's between them and none of your business

ha, yes, I think so areyoucallingmerudeboy

It depends on the numbers here.

It's not unusual for people to have their mortgage paid in lieu of extra maintenance as the mum may be unable to remortgage in her sole name. The dad may to able to afford getting his equity at a later date plus piece of mind that his kids aren't moving every 6 months (rented) and have to change schools etc.

Wow he is generous. She is a lucky ex!

Is this a brag thread?

Sorry late phone check. Not reverse, actual genuine concern. Yes, thousands to spare each month. No, I have no interest in combining finances with him. I think putting a sahm in a position where they are forced to work when they don't have to as there is money, is a bit of a shame, I guess

If kids and mum ar happy with the arrangement I mean. It kind of monetises the drudgery of sahm as a service to the woh parent

She probably gets tax credits and council tax reduction as well. She will be loads more well off than most single parents with no mortgage to pay and £500 maintenance

reverse.

For those doubting the OP when my ex got together with his current dp she made him increase what he gave me per month from £100 To £150.

I was doing fine on £100, which we'd worked out between us based on his earnings when dd was born, but she said we should have reviewed it.

She recently tried to increase it again because she said teenagers cost more but I turned it down because I work full time now and don't really need it.

She's lovely and a massive feminist (and gets bugger all from the father of her dd) so I think she's just fighting the good fight for all women!

So if you are questioning his choices and think he is mean why are you with him ?

This is ridiculous!

How can we possibly comment.

If he's on £250k a year then yes, you're right - that is no reasonable at all.

If he's on £50k, then sounds about right.

How can we we tell?

It depends how much he earns
It depends how much the mortgage is
It depends how many kids

If he's earning a million quid a year and paying say £2000 on mortgage and maintenance, it's probably not fair no.

If he's earning 25k a year it's probably generous.

Why are you asking us?

Well that was freaky Confused

For reference, my ex pays me £2920 a month.
From that I pay the mortgage (£1190).
2 young children.

He is on £152k plus bonus of £60k. He nets £7k plus a month.

I'd love for someone else to pay my mortgage!

Totally depends on his income...if he earns £3k a month I think that's great. If it's £30k a month then yeah, he's a selfish dick.

Sounds like she's in clover. I didn't get a cent from my sons father. i had to go out to work full time and buy my own house.

My ex is meamt to pay £14 a week because hes self employed and doesn't declare it all to to tax man. He doesnt pay that wonderful £14 very often maybe once every 6 months. He drives around in one of his 4 AMG's or his Firari or his jeep.

If my ex gave me that amount id do a cartwheel

How generous he is depends on the size of the mortgage and what the agreement is with the house.

If it's a massive mortgage and she'll get the house then it's hugely generous.

If the mortgage is £200 and he gets the house entirely then not so much.

Either way if they are both happy with it then it's fine. You are right to think about it though - how he treats his ex is a good indicator as to how he'd treat you and any children you may have in the future.

Also, does he pay enough that his children still have the same quality of life? That would be the key for me.

I know a very, very wealthy woman who seems to pay a lot, but he has stopped paying for the majority of extras that she set up for the kids (horse riding, trampolining, ballet...) because she "pays her dues". That's not generous imo because she could easily easily fund the activities.

Wow. My dad refused to pay anything for me, we did manage to get £4.85 one month!

monetise the drudgery of sahm

What do you mean by that?