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AIBU?

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Original poster

To worry boyfriend hasnt paid enough to ex? Does this arrangement seem fair?

82 replies

Sancerresanwine · 30/06/2017 09:23

I have been with new boyfriend and he seems very lovely, with a really good Co parenting relationship with his ex. It was a mutual split and he left the family Home and rents a place nearby.

I was under the impression he pays 900 pounds per month on top of the mortgage as his ex is mainly a sahm with a bit of woth. Last night we talked about the specifics and it emerged that he paid the full mortgage of the house and then 500 extra. I was a bit horrified as running a home with bills is surely about that, let alone petrol and living costs. She got a part tine job around the kids and now has a new partner and all seems OK but I felt she must have really struggled, and that concerned me. Bf is clearly a high earner. Is this a fair situation in others experience? I can't get my head round it for some reason and worry that he has not been as generous as he could have been.

OP posts:
histinyhandsarefrozen · 30/06/2017 09:59

He has a really good co-parenting relationship with his ex, he pays her mortgage, pays rent for himself and pays her £500 a month.

And you're worried that he's not being fair?

Blimey.

yourcarisnotadiscovery · 30/06/2017 10:00

I think it is lovely that you care. Sounds very generous indeed - most receive the legal minimum, worked out on the CMS calculator.

MrsOverTheRoad · 30/06/2017 10:00

I get the feeling OP really thinks he's TOO generous and was hoping people might say so.

rightwhine · 30/06/2017 10:04

On the face of it, it sounds generous but it depends on how high a high earner he is and the agreement regarding the house.

Groupie123 · 30/06/2017 10:06

Not generous. This should be the bare minimum really to support your kids.

Chewbecca · 30/06/2017 10:07

Impossible to say without knowing his income

wasonthelist · 30/06/2017 10:08

Not generous. This should be the bare minimum really to support your kids

Yeah, sure Grin

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 30/06/2017 10:08

MrsOverTheRoad I agree, she's stealthy trying to get people to agree with her that he's paying too much as she's probably seen other threads where people are told to mind their own business when it comes to new partners' financial obligations.

VeganCow · 30/06/2017 10:16

Is this a reverse? £500 a month? Full mortgage? How many kids?
Also, you mention petrol..why should he pay for her petrol? Listen, try being happy about £30 a week, cos thats what my ex paid up for YEARS. Twat.

JustArandomUser · 30/06/2017 10:20

What the OP is describing is far, far more than I could ever have afforded to pay when I was paying child maintenance. If I had somehow managed to pay that amount without starving to death and dying of exposure then my kids (and ex) would have had a far higher standard of living than when we were all living together as a family.

From my below average annual salary point of view, the arrangement seems generous. Has the Mum said she feels the arrangement isn't enough?

CrochetBelle · 30/06/2017 10:24

It's not your place to spend his money, or tell him what to spend it on. That's a red flag to me.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 30/06/2017 10:25

I get nothing for DD. But really, if he's happily to pay all that then its none of your business. He's making sure he's kids are looked after, nothing wrong with that.

TempusEedjit · 30/06/2017 10:30

I call reverse.

superfluffyanimal · 30/06/2017 10:36

Paying the mortgage and giving £500 per month seems reasonable to me.

Maybe think about it and broach the subject? it may well be what she asked for?

LDN17 · 30/06/2017 10:37

Not generous. This should be the bare minimum really to support your kids.

Are you serious?! Many people don't have this kind of money to give! Unless you're saying an nrp on minimum wage should be paying the same and more and that's just the bare minimum. Do you know where these money trees are? Confused

PinkCosmo · 30/06/2017 10:40

We just don't know enough!

She could have agreed to pay for the bulk of what running a household with kids in it cost in exchange for 50:50 share of the house when it's sold. We don't know enough to judge!

My x screwed me but I know from talking to normal couples that a lot of people struggle and there's no way around that but they are willing to forego maintenance that is enough in favour of a stronger share of their home when it's sold.

LoisSanger · 30/06/2017 10:45

That sounds a lot to me - my ex pays me around £300 a month for two children and he's on about £45k or so. He does have them a number of nights a week and also has a stepson so it is reduced somewhat.

Having your mortgage paid and then additional maintenance on top is quite unusual

Lovegaultier · 30/06/2017 10:51

Nah, you don't really believe it's not enough.

RhubardGin · 30/06/2017 10:55

He pays the mortgage in full and child maintenance on top.

His child has a secure roof over his head and money for clothes, food etc

I think being horrifiesd is a bit OTT and why is this any of your business?

RhubardGin · 30/06/2017 10:55

Oops horrified

AmIthatbloodycold · 30/06/2017 10:56

Wow. I get 100 per month. That's it. It sounds very generous. Are the children at school?

RedPeppers · 30/06/2017 11:10

Bloody hell, he is ginving her a LOT.
I imagine he also has a wage that allows him to do that but I think he is still generous.

Fwiw, if she has 'only' £500 to live on, that's also her choice. Being a single parent means you need to work and support yourself rather than expecting your ex to still be paying for everything. That's a pretty normal thing to do.

GabsAlot · 30/06/2017 11:15

i dont even think he lgally has to pay for the mortgag once she has a new partnr so yes hes very generous-some mums get 20 quid a week

whattodowiththepoo · 30/06/2017 11:16

Absolutely none of your fucking business let alone ours.

areyoucallingmerudeboy · 30/06/2017 11:20

'Look, new boyfriend, mumsnet is saying you're paying too much, so you can stop that now'?