To be fed up of being left out

[littleme2017]

I have two friends , lets call them T and C. We have been good friends since childhood.

As expected, we have all got our own lives now and are busy with our own things but have made a pretty decent effort to stay in touch especially after one of the girls mums died suddenly a few years ago.

Anyhow it was mentioned by C few months ago that we might arrange for a night out end of June. I said 'great, I'd be up for it. Let me know'. C said that she would need to speak to T re a date but would get back to me.

Both T and C have been in contact with me last few weeks about stuff unrelated to night out. Heard nothing about night out, assumed it didn't suit and didn't want either to them to feel obligated so didn't mention it.

Typically T only contacts me when she wants something, C is a bit better at keeping in contact. They both know I've had a bit of tough time over the past wee while (relationship breakdown, injured foot, sick family member - all good now) and was looking forward to a night.

Cue tonight, have seen both of them 'checked into' the pub on Facebook. They've clearly gone on ahead without me. This happened last time too and when I mentioned it (in a jokey sorta way) I got told 'You are more than welcome on the next one' and now this...

I appreciate it's a bit of a trivial thing to be fuming about but I am. Torn between taking the moral high ground and saying nothing, saying something or just deleting and blocking...

Any advice or views would be greatly appreciated.

[DermotTheSprog]

No, they won't know you've u followed them but you will. You will have taken control of the situation by making a decision to cut this sort of upsetting shit from your life. Once you are not being reminded of them daily on fb you will hopefully forget about them irl too.

[FooFighter99]

Unfriend but don't block, that way when they notice you are no longer friends, you can kindly explain it's cos they're shit and constantly left you out of plans!

[Isetan]

FFS! Woman up, don't be PA, just say that you feel deliberately excluded when they talk about meeting up but are never invited and saying that I'm always free to join them, when they repeatedly don't invite you, is hurtful. It's one or the other, your invited or your not and you're a big girl and if they don't want to hang out it's ok but it's better to be up front about it.

I hate when PA is the communication preference.

[KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth]

At this stage I would delete their numbers, unfriend on social media and move on. Is being friends with them worth the anguish and constant wondering why they leave you out?

[Donttouchthethings]

Typically T only contacts me when she wants something

^^ This is not a real friend.

They both sound uncaring of your feelings. I would unfollow them both and focus on people who are considerate towards you.

[Nikephorus]

You have known these women for years. They owe you an explanation
I'm going to go against the flow and say that they'd don't owe her an explanation. Maybe they don't want to see her as much but don't want to hurt her feelings and figured (wrongly) that if they didn't invite her along she'd get the message? Maybe they've tried dropping hints but OP is too thick-skinned to notice? Yes it hurts but friendships aren't guaranteed to last forever. Some are short-term, some medium-term, some long-term. Move on and find new friends who do want to go out with you. Passive aggressive messages aren't going to make them change their minds about you. Either be direct and risk them being equally direct back in the negative, or move on. But don't complain & be the martyr continually because that will lose you friends.

[littleme2017]

Thank you for the all the input. I think it's just easier at this stage if I unfriend and block.

I've probably over-thought everything too much now (as I always do). If I send a direct message I think I'm just prompting T to say that I'm just jealous. This has always been her default reply over the years when anyone pulls her up on anything. I know that C will side with T.

I don't think I'm thick skinned Nikephorus. In fact, I've been told I'm too sensitive and accommodating of others.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

One thing I thought is that you mentioned you have been having a tough time recently. When you have seen them has it turned in to you having a bit of a moan about your problems. Maybe they arranged the night out, said shall we invite OP? Maybe one or the other said no we want a fun night not listening to her problems.

Not that you may do that but maybe that is what they think? (Just trying to think of a reason). Even if this was the case then they aren't very good friends because real friends would be there in the tough times too.

[URaflutteringcunt]

Old friends often fall back in to habits from school days and can't see the person you've grown in to. I wonder if they've been arseholes for ages but it's always been like that so it's less noticeable. They will do a double take if you delete them. OP, do something positive for yourself and move on.

[MissionItsPossible]

They sound horrible. I wouldn't waste time trying to pursue this "friendship".

[Straycatblue]

Its so hurtful when people that you thought were your friends do this and then rub salt in the wound by posting on social media.

I do not think you will ever get the closure you seek by talking to them, you told them last time they did this that you wished to be included and they knew you wanted to come on this occasion and still did not invite you.
They have shown you the kind of people they are and you should believe them.

I hope you have unfriended them as you have said, it will be painful and you will grieve the friendship that you had (or thought you had, ie they are not the people you thought) but it will allow you to take back control of the situation and not be subjected to more hurtful posts when you go online.

[TheSlowLoris]

Did you get a response in the end? It's so hurtful.

[littleme2017]

Well well, we have an update. I never got a response to the comment which I'm not really surprised about.

In the end up, I didn't have to block anyone. T and C have blocked and unfriended me. Sad that it had to come to this, but such is life I suppose.

On the plus side, I joined one of those meet up groups on internet and met up with seven lovely ladies last night for a chat and some coffee. I really enjoyed the company and while I know it's early days, it's nice to have that option there.

[Sunshinegirls]

They blocked you because you said "Have fun guys"?

[littleme2017]

I would imagine it was more because I didn't wish one of them happy birthday a few days later...I was just biding my time..

[Sunshinegirls]

You're well rid of them. They sound toxic.

[EnidNextDoor]

Good. The space they have left is just a space for new people to move into.

[BewareOfDragons]

You don't need them. They wound quite immature and unkind.

[Bluntness100]

I would imagine it was more because I didn't wish one of them happy birthday a few days later...I was just biding my time

That doesn't make sense op. They went to the pub on thurs. By wed both of them had blocked you, even if you didn't wish one of them happy birthday between then and now, they wouldn't both block you for it. More think you forgot, Is something else going on between the three of you?

What were you biding your time for?

[justinhawkinsnavalfluff]

You are well shot of them. They aren't worth your effort!

[2littlemoos]

They sound like a silly pair of girls!

Good riddance!

[mummymummums]

I agree with Bluntness100 - not a reason to block you. Could they possibly have seen this thread??? Are they def still on Facebook? Could they have decided together like a pact to take a break from Facebook if they think they use it too much? That could explain them not being on your friends list and then not appearing on a search. I know people who've done this.
Anyway, you're well rid either way. An upsetting experience for you, but ultimately you'll look back and know you're best off without them regardless of who did the unfriending.