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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of being left out

72 replies

littleme2017 · 29/06/2017 19:33

I have two friends , lets call them T and C. We have been good friends since childhood.

As expected, we have all got our own lives now and are busy with our own things but have made a pretty decent effort to stay in touch especially after one of the girls mums died suddenly a few years ago.

Anyhow it was mentioned by C few months ago that we might arrange for a night out end of June. I said 'great, I'd be up for it. Let me know'. C said that she would need to speak to T re a date but would get back to me.

Both T and C have been in contact with me last few weeks about stuff unrelated to night out. Heard nothing about night out, assumed it didn't suit and didn't want either to them to feel obligated so didn't mention it.

Typically T only contacts me when she wants something, C is a bit better at keeping in contact. They both know I've had a bit of tough time over the past wee while (relationship breakdown, injured foot, sick family member - all good now) and was looking forward to a night.

Cue tonight, have seen both of them 'checked into' the pub on Facebook. They've clearly gone on ahead without me. This happened last time too and when I mentioned it (in a jokey sorta way) I got told 'You are more than welcome on the next one' and now this...

I appreciate it's a bit of a trivial thing to be fuming about but I am. Torn between taking the moral high ground and saying nothing, saying something or just deleting and blocking...

Any advice or views would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
GaynorGoodwin · 29/06/2017 21:25

I'd save leave em to it and leave no good wishes message on Fakebook, that's that's just how I'd deal with things.

BewareOfDragons · 29/06/2017 21:31

Sorry, OP. I feel your pain. :(

Original poster
littleme2017 · 29/06/2017 21:32

Natalia - thank you, that was a lovely post. But I really really have my doubts that it was a casual/spur of the moment thing. I have known T well over 20 years and I know she just doesn't do spur of the moment arrangements, trust me, I've tried! Her partner works long hours and would not mind the child at the drop of a hat neither would her family. C is not generally a big Facebooker...quite the opposite actually.

OP posts:
URaflutteringcunt · 29/06/2017 21:33

Before the days of FB I was in exactkybthis position when I walked in to the pub with another friend on a spur of the mionent and bumped in to my two "best" friends having a lovely old time after telling me they weren't going out Hmm ditched them both. Much happier for it. No weird politics or power games now. Funny but they often fell out with each other too and I was always the peacemaker. Fuck them off, OP!

Original poster
littleme2017 · 29/06/2017 21:36

oohh here come the photos...

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 29/06/2017 21:42

Oh. Fair enough. Then I agree - it's a bit shit! Flowers

sabs22 · 29/06/2017 21:49

I don't think 3 is a crowd so to speak, not if the three get on well and enjoy each other's company. To be honest OP they sound like bitches, I would hold your head up highs d get on with your life. It can be difficult but surrounded d yourself with decent friends, get involved in groups and hobbies if you can, keep busy and meet new people.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/06/2017 22:12

That is crap 😥😥. It looks like they dident want you. I would feel hurt, it looks like they are pushing you out slowly, as I think you said it's happened before.

NotTooWorried · 29/06/2017 22:16

You know I bet they will claim it was a spur of the moment thing.

Aeroflotgirl · 29/06/2017 22:22

Oooh so sorry must have misread that they are pushing you out. But I would be hurt. See if it happens again.

PosiePootlePerkins · 29/06/2017 22:23

Agree with sabs22 three can work well if it is the right three! I have two sets of two friends, and go out as a three with both. It works really well, if one of us can't make a date then we'll rearrange and wait until we can all go. Unfortunately these two sound as if they don't really want you along, I'm sorry I know its hurtful. (I've been shut out of a friendship group a few years back and it is horrible)
Flowers for you, time to move on I think.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 29/06/2017 22:38

I'm not sure where all the 'three is a crowd' ideas are coming from. You have known these women for years. They owe you an explanation. Don't give them anger, give them hurt. Much more likely to make them feel guilty rather than defensive.

Original poster
littleme2017 · 29/06/2017 22:58

Thank you all. It's nice to know I'm not BU and that it's not ok to be treated like this. It hurts but I'll be ok.
There have been no further developments since my last update therefore I'm off to bed and we shall see what the morning brings Smile

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 29/06/2017 23:09

I would speak with the one who invited you. Ultimately I don't think you should contact them again, they're not nice.

ChildishGambino · 29/06/2017 23:13

They sound like crap friends. I've recently moved to a new area and thought I had a mate but she totally mugged me off the other night and I felt like a total idiot.

It won't be happening again. I'll find someone else who will actually appreciate a new friend. I was upset but now I'm going to 'do me' and not give more than I get. Hurts though Flowers

KeiraKnightleyActsWithHerTeeth · 30/06/2017 00:18

I couldn't let this lie. I'm not for one second suggesting wading in and shouting how unfair it all is but I would certainly have to say "I'm disappointed that you said you would include me the next time you had a night out and again I have been left out. I'll be moving forward from here with a better understanding of our friendship."

eatabagofdicks · 30/06/2017 01:06

They are not your friends. I have taken the position in life with friends now that I will only have people in my life who make the same effort I do. Otherwise I end up hurt and disappointed. I have come to work out who my real friends are. I would block them both and move on with my life. Stuff having people in your life that make you feel like shit.

Original poster
littleme2017 · 30/06/2017 10:33

Good morning. Well no real further update here. No one has responded to my 'have fun guys'.

T has posted 'Brillant night' to which C has responded 'Loved it'.

I think I'm just gonna remain silent now until one of them twigs...

OP posts:
barrygetamoveonplease · 30/06/2017 10:36

I think you're wasting your time waiting for them to 'twig'. They're clearly dropping you. Let them go. Bear in mind how this feels, and don't bother with them again.

URaflutteringcunt · 30/06/2017 10:38

They sound like they are just rubbing it in now...

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2017 10:39

I think definitely you might be too busy to reply for a few days when T contacts you because 'she wants something', as you said usually happens.

You feel shit now but honestly it's better to be in the know. They're a waste of time, move on. Leave them to it.

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2017 10:40

Or better still just don't reply ever to either of them.

DJBaggySmalls · 30/06/2017 10:42

Unfriend them and move on. If they had a moral between them they would have been straight with you, you deserve better.

Msqueen33 · 30/06/2017 10:43

Unfollow them! And I'd drop them. They're being unkind.

eatabagofdicks · 30/06/2017 10:46

They've already twigged. That update was on purpose. They are bitches and if you look back at their behaviour I think you'll find this is not unusual for them.