Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pop a white feather in mums room?

74 replies

WhiteFeatherHeather · 29/06/2017 11:59

My mum's partner is terminally ill. Has a few weeks at most left Sad
My mum is caring for him at home. My mum and her sister lost their youngest sister when they were young and are big believers in the spiritual side of things and have found great comfort in finding white feathers in the past as a sign things will be ok.
I visit my mum and her partner every day and talk on the phone every night to make sure she's doing ok as can be. I feel like leaving a white feather for her to find will give her a little bit of comfort at a time when she does really need it. Would it be wrong to 'plant' a white feather in her room one day and let her believe it's sent to her from her sister who passed (or an angel or spirit etc) .

OP posts:
echt · 29/06/2017 12:41

Relieve, not receive. Argh.

AdalindSchade · 29/06/2017 12:42

Please don't do it, it's manipulative and deceitful.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 29/06/2017 12:42

Either take her for a walk or look after her partner for a short while so she can take herself for a walk. White feathers drifting from the trees are plentiful at this time of year.

This ^. Please don't lie.

Lunar1 · 29/06/2017 12:43

Please don't, I know your intention is good but it would be cruel.

MsSusanStoHelit · 29/06/2017 12:46

If she finds comfort in white feathers then I like the idea of just giving one to her - she may well then just think it's her sister acting through you and giving you the idea (which she kind of has, really!), and you won't need to plant anything and therefore be fibbing about it.

I think it's a lovely impulse, I really do, but it's still a deceit when it boils down to it, and I'm not convinced that doing small "bads" for good reasons is ever a compelling plan.

cabbage67 · 29/06/2017 12:47

I agree with others about looking and hopefully finding one yourself to give to your mum is better than planting one.

Flowers for your mum

WeAllHaveWings · 29/06/2017 12:47

while your intentions are good, it ridicules her beliefs. I wouldn't.

WankYouForTheMusic · 29/06/2017 12:48

If it'll help her and you're quite sure you won't be caught or blab, do it. It would be an act of kindness in that scenario.

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 29/06/2017 12:50

No I wouldn't do it

Goodasgoldilox · 29/06/2017 12:51

There can be truth in a lie!
If planting the feather you are inspired by the love between your mother and her sister. It brings her closer.

WorshipTheGourd · 29/06/2017 12:52

I'd get her outside which will help in itself and give her chance to find her own.
It's a lovely idea, but if she ever found out it would backfire hugely, imo.

PollyPerky · 29/06/2017 12:55

I think there are better ways to comfort someone than promote a load of woo-woo which is totally without any foundation. so no, I'd not do it.

pottered · 29/06/2017 12:57

i'd give her one you'd found - i agree with that. I don't think you'd be mocking her to plant one if you didn't get found out because it comes from a place of love, and is a memory of love.

CrunchieFeeling · 29/06/2017 12:59

Go for a walk. Look hard. Find a white feather and bring it to your mum. Say you found this, you know they're important to her and that you were thinking of her and you want her to have it because you love her and you hope it gives her some comfort

WithCheesePlease · 29/06/2017 13:01

I think you sound really thoughtful, but I think the significance is in thinking it just appeared by chance, so I wouldn't recommend doing that.
What I do think would be lovely is to buy her a really nice card, and put a feather into the card.
I'm so sorry you are going through this Flowers

soggywet · 29/06/2017 13:03

If you do want a white feather OP my mother has a white cockatiel OP so I can get some for you

Loopytiles · 29/06/2017 13:03

Not a good idea, as your action would affect her beliefs.

Loopytiles · 29/06/2017 13:03

Could rather than would.

specialsubject · 29/06/2017 13:05

I also wondered why you would leave the cowardice insult - but if she thinks it means something else, why not?

Asmoto · 29/06/2017 13:05

It's a thoughtful idea, but I would leave her to find her own spiritual signs. It would be awful if she found out you'd planted it.

allegretto · 29/06/2017 13:06

Please don't.

ArchieStar · 29/06/2017 13:07

I understand your logic but please don't. If she ever found out it was deliberately planted she'd be so upset. Believing in things like that she'll find her own signs of comfort. She may even think you're belittling her beliefs if you do do it and she finds out it's you.

sadie9 · 29/06/2017 13:09

This would be patronising and wrong. You are planting the feather because you don't believe a word of what she says about feathers. It'd be completely fake.
You'll have to listen to her going on about the feather for years and telling other people, while cringing that you planted the fake feather there. If she ever found out she could be very hurt. If she likes that type of thing there is plenty of merchandise out there that she might like...

MaidenMotherCrone · 29/06/2017 13:09

Spirituality and Spiritualism are two different things. I'd say your family members are Spiritualists.

That aside I'd say no, don't. It would, in a way, be mocking their beliefs.

I'm not a spiritualist.

Lucysky2017 · 29/06/2017 13:12

I had never heard of this - it sounds really weird!
I thought giving feathers was something people did in WWI in the UK as a sign you are an utter coward and that this was what was meant here - the kind of ultimate insult.

Therefore be very careful if you leave a feature that the person you leave it with does not assume this is that worst kind of feather leaving gesture!

The feather was the sign of cowardice.