To not ask my daughter (20) for rent during uni holiday

[happymum73]

My ex husband says I should rather than him giving me maintenance for her as well as for my son (15).

shivermytimbers, I assume that I am one of the people that you are 'amazed' at.

I have two children, both at uni. Neither had much trouble finding summer work. In fact of my peers, I only know one who's child is NOT working this summer - and he has struggled to get work because he is going away for a four week trip in the middle of the holidays so employers are choosing not to employ him. So it's not so amazing to think getting summer employment is a feasible option.

My dd is about to go to Uni. I'm a single parent who is reasonably financially secure, and wholly financially responsible for her until now. I won't be charging her rent or for food during the holiday periods but she is about to get a summer job which she should be able to pick up again every holiday. This will finance her own expenses during the holidays and hopefully she'll save some for her term time expenses
If she lives at home after she finishes Uni, then I will expect her to pay some rent. Not because I need it, but because I think it's good for her to feel more financially responsible for herself

I think whether your DD can get a summer job really depends on where you live. If you live in central Edinburgh, loads of seasonal work. If you live in rural Renfrewshire, odds are not good.

Either way, being charged rent in the holidays seems harsh. I always wonder what these parents who say they do this would do if their DC couldn't get a job and afford it? Would they really show them the door and tell them to find a council B&B?

Why is he paying maintenance for a 20 year old at University? Legally he is not obliged to pay. At 20 she should also be working like most students.

Bluntness, there is loads of seasonal work within tourism (hotels, restaurants etc, that need more staff during high season), gardening (grass cutting particularly) as well as seasonal work to cover members of staff going on holiday in places like supermarkets and retail stores.

The availability of jobs may well depend on where you are located, but students often have the choice of going home or staying in the city they are studying as they often have year-round accommodation - giving them more potential opportunities.

My Dad paid my 'maintenance' money directly to me when I started Uni rather than to my mum. It wasn't ever a formal agreement. I had a term time only job at uni and was lucky enough to be able to work causally at a job I'd had since I was in school. If I didn't have that option I'm not sure what jobs would have been available in my small-ish town.

My mum didn't charge me rent whilst I was in education but I bought shopping and helped in other ways (driving my sister around etc.).

When I went to uni my father paid child maintainence to me directly instead of my mum, I think that's pretty common

Not sure if CMS will pursue payment for uni students but they're certainly not fully independent adults, they still need a lot of financial and other support from parents

why are you asking your ex husband for your adult child?

as to whether you should ask her for rent- will you struggle financially otherwise and will she have a job over the summer?

harderandharder2breathe cms won't pursue maintenence for a uni student - NRPs are not expected to pay cm once a child is an adult and in university

I should also have said that my son works part time in a cafe on campus during the term time....this enables him to pay his rent and enjoy life a little....I cannot afford to help very much so i have him home in the holidays...feed him and do his laundry....he does get a grant but it is not enough to cover everything.

But surely Bewty, you've seen how these jobs don't necessarily start straight away, pay straight away, have regular hours... It's great that it children found work but I don't know whether you can extrapolate your experience to that of all students and families. I also don't think a student's summer job equates to regular, full time employment that would indicate that the young people can start paying regular rent. Also agree with pp who point out that many students are already paying rent/ retainers over the summer.
Unless you can't afford it (and I could do a long rant about the inadequacy of the government support for low income families with children in higher education) I don't see why you wouldn't support your children financially through their education.
Bottom line - it may not be the law that OPs eaCh pays maintenance but ethically, of course he should. The student job market is not robust enough for them to be self sufficient during these months.

EaCh!? ExH

ExH may well have been court ordered to pay maintenance until his DD has graduated from University. Or that was part of the divorce agreement.

He should continue to support her if he is required to or has promised to if she is still a university student, even if she is on a summer break. Students still have huge expenses (housing, food, transport, books, etc) and any summer income she earns should go to that when she goes back to university.

When I was at uni my parents charged me, only me mind.
I have never forgiven them. My brother is still living at home, paying nothing, at 45. Amazing.

Regardless of whether a 20 year old should be paying rent or you being in receipt of child maintenance for her I dont get his logic.

The logic appears to be rather than him paying you for his child, said child should pay you herself and therefore does not need his money. I dont get how that works? In effect he wants his payment to come from his daughter

I don't think that she should be charged rent but neither should he pay you maintenance unless it was part of the divorce agreement. It would be reasonable to ask her for money to cover food if you can't afford it though.

shiver, of course I am aware of that. My son's job won't pay him till 6 weeks after he starts. That still doesn't make it sensible for the ex to pay the child's mother maintenance - if anything the daughter should ask the father if he can help out based on the facts - eg I've got a job, but don't get paid till x date, can you help me with food money till then' - or similar.

Not the mother saying 'you need to pay maintenance for your grown up daughter'.

Also like to add, in the USA and Canada you support your 'adult child' above and beyond as MA's are normal there.
I would NEVER charge DD. Ever.

Nasty message to children.

Your ex-h is being very mean.

It would be different if she had left school and was working, but this is the university holiday. Surely as a parent he'd want to support her through her education.

If she gets a job then it would be up to her to decide, but really any spare cash will be needed for next term.

I can't imagine "allowing" my child home for the holidays - he lives here? Being at uni for 30 weeks of the year is surely not seen as having left home?

My ex has been ordered by the court to pay maintenance until my son leaves university, should he choose to go to it. My son has a SEN which he takes to university now. He's not going to do it though, so I won't be holding my breath, because he's broken every other court order and taking him back to court is expensive, I've sought legal advice. (I do wonder how men manage to to do this when their ex spouse breaks a court order in that the child isn't going to the house).

What I'm going to do is send him to his dad's for the duration of university breaks.

Our son is only coming home for 2 weeks, 3 at a push, this Summer because otherwise he'll lose the job he's got at uni. It was the same last year. He's a student nurse so doesn't get long holidays anyhow.

We wouldn't charge him rent if come for the full duration.

Oh and YANBU. Get her to make meals for you and to do her room and laundry. She also needs to help with other household duties too. But you are absolutely right in not charging rent.

In most cases the maintenance usually covers a child whilst still in full time education - so uni counts as full time education.

Maintenance usually covers housing costs.

Whilst my son comes home to me during holidays then I have to provide a home big enough for him to live at.

Once he leaves uni things change . He will either leave home and then I can downsize should I want to. Or he will get a job and pay his share of rent. In either case that is when maintenance will stop.