Can a child be TOO popular?

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Without people thinking I'm showing off my DD's social skills, she's 9 and very popular and always has been since she went to school.

I have another DD who is older and her social life and friends have always been great...not too full on but plenty of invitations and is what I'd call satisfactory...no worries about it.

My younger DD seems to inspire some sort of slavish devotion among her peers though and this results in me being asked on a DAILY basis for playdates and sleepovers.

They either ask if DD can go to theirs or if they can come to ours soon...mostly they want her to go with them and because it's never the same kid, the Mothers or Fathers are always happy to oblige.

I don't say yes to all requests...but some kids are very persistent...one little boy has asked daily others at least every few days....I generally let DD go when she wants to but that means I need to reciprocate...so often I need to say no flat out...the requests are so frequent that I find myself wanting to sneak around!

It's not always the same kids either...she comes out with things they've made for her etc...what can I do or say to limit the hassling?

I've just let myself get railroaded into agreeing to a sleepover "soon" either "at yours or ours...whatever!" and I'm not happy I said yes!

The Mother was pushy...kind of a bit persistent...so I agreed but DD doesn't want to go to this child's and she's not bothered about them coming to ours...so what do I DO now?

I said I'd let them know a date over the holidays soon...(We're in Oz and have 3 weeks off coming up) but I don't want to if DD"s not bothered.

Do I message and just say it's not going to be convenient?

.

I would be guided by your DC's preferences: presumably there are some friends whose company she enjoys most?

Just ignore the pushy mother of the DC doesn't want to visit or have over.

Do tea/play rather than sleepovers and don't always reciprocate!

Continue to be vague with pestering DC.

Yes, i would just message to be polite and say "some other time perhaps" then never follow up or respond!

Loopy yes...I think I'm nervous of offending because the Mum is a very nice person...I do like her. I think I'll just have to say "We're very busy over the holidays but could do a playdate"

And leave it at that!

Gosh Crumbs! I wish my own less gregarious dd had a friend like that. I would instantly invite her on our forthcoming trip into space.

Bloody hell crumbs!

Is your DD in Made in Chelsea?

Makes my DD"s surplus of playdates seem a tad lacking!

We lived in Oz for several years and I remember the forcefullness of the arranged play date culture in Australia. Kids never seemed to spontaneously get together to play - it was always some mum coming up to me after school and telling me their kid would coming for a play date next Tuesday type of thing. In the begining I was glad DC were making friends but then realised these kids were coming round and DC didn't even particularly like them. Took me a while to cotton that it was the mums forcing it rather than the kids being friends, if that makes sense. It may be that all the kids are getting all these play dates not just yours , IYSWIM? Start saying no or else you will forever feel forced to reciprocate.

Salt Well DD is only just 9 and some of her mates are still 8...the school serves a wide area so I'm not sure how they'd "spontaneously get together" !

But I think there's some truth in what you say ...however a lot of the time the families of DD"s classmates seem to be open to her coming to theirs...they're asking me for that or that their child comes to us...whichever.

ROAR at Star

Festival in Croatia is v down market ya know

I hate the organisation involved in letting children play now. I've been really lazy with my second child. I figure if he wants somebody over he'll ask.

In your shoes, I'd be honest and say you're exhausted from being the social secretary for two busy girls and you're on leave.

Make a joke of it.......?

Pink Maybe it's because it's my second too! I think the same way...if she asks I try to accomodate but then...I suppose that's what these parents are doing...their child has asked!

I like the social secretary line!

I think it's lovely that they are popular and it does stand in good stead in the long run. Some children/people just have a certain charisma.

Mine knows she is very privileged and yes a few of the Made in Chelsea set went to her school but are older. Apart from the Malaysia trip, most are reasonably ordinary tending towards upper middle class families taking her on summer holidays as a boredom reliever for their young adult child. She just has a gift of making others feel cherished and her reward is plenty of invitations.

In terms of playdates I would always try and sort something in case child was one that struggled with friendships or parent was shy and hoped the nice, sunny natured girl would be empathetic.

Jesus Crumbs!

She just has a gift of making others feel cherished

Crumbs - who did your dd inherit her charisma and sunny personality from?

Must have been the milkman!

My eldest is like this, he seems to be a lot of other childrens' best friend, but he doesn't himself have any favourites and seems to just love them all. I am really pleased of course, having a happy and confident child is what we're all after. But. Facilitating the other kid's parents every other day and them all being weirdly desperate to 'have him' is a bit wearing. I'm either having one of his friends over, or picking him up from theirs, because you feel like you're being a spoil sport if you say no. I feel bad about it sometimes because I played out in the street with my friends from about 5yo onwards and can't do that where we are, so am sort of aiming to reacreate the experience maybe - just in a very bloody contrived way. I have other children that are happy and have friends, but not to this degree.

Milo that's like DD! She seems to be able to like them all...sometimes she's had kids get very jealous because she wants to vary who she plays with and won't 'commit" to one special friend.

And I relate to that "weirdly desperate to have him" thing too!

My older DD sorts herself out being 12...she and her mates meet up alone but at 9, with no kids within walking distance, it's all a pita!

Crumbs1's life sounds so perfect on every thread I see her on! So funny!

you have my sympathies. I had a persistant mum...Asking for a play date every drop off and pick up for three weeks non stop till I had to say yes. it backfired as it went horrendously so she couldn't say 'oh we should do this again'.

I overheard her saying to her DS 'look there's mini aaaargh. You can play with her' at a party where she dropped and ran. He stuck to my DC the whole party. They played ok and I thought maybe I'd got it wrong so I asked if she'd like another play date with him. No was the very firm answer!

But mine are younger than yours. I'm hoping a lot of it's just them sorting out what friendships mean...id go with whatever your DC say. Sorry no real advice. Just my sympathies!

I taught a Y2 child who caused huge anxiety to other children who all wanted to be her partner walking to the library. Then she sorted it, all on her own. "I'll make a list miss," she said. And she did.