Can a child be TOO popular?

[MrsOverTheRoad]

Without people thinking I'm showing off my DD's social skills, she's 9 and very popular and always has been since she went to school.

I have another DD who is older and her social life and friends have always been great...not too full on but plenty of invitations and is what I'd call satisfactory...no worries about it.

My younger DD seems to inspire some sort of slavish devotion among her peers though and this results in me being asked on a DAILY basis for playdates and sleepovers.

They either ask if DD can go to theirs or if they can come to ours soon...mostly they want her to go with them and because it's never the same kid, the Mothers or Fathers are always happy to oblige.

I don't say yes to all requests...but some kids are very persistent...one little boy has asked daily others at least every few days....I generally let DD go when she wants to but that means I need to reciprocate...so often I need to say no flat out...the requests are so frequent that I find myself wanting to sneak around!

It's not always the same kids either...she comes out with things they've made for her etc...what can I do or say to limit the hassling?

I've just let myself get railroaded into agreeing to a sleepover "soon" either "at yours or ours...whatever!" and I'm not happy I said yes!

The Mother was pushy...kind of a bit persistent...so I agreed but DD doesn't want to go to this child's and she's not bothered about them coming to ours...so what do I DO now?

I said I'd let them know a date over the holidays soon...(We're in Oz and have 3 weeks off coming up) but I don't want to if DD"s not bothered.

Do I message and just say it's not going to be convenient?

One of DD1's school friends was like this, her mum hired the scout hall and did a mass sleepover with 10 girls and some mum's, and the kids could go home late if they didn't want to stay after 11, pick up was by 10 the next morning...
She did it again 3 years later, it wasn't a birthday and she just ordered pizza.

Great idea as meant she got it all over in one night.

In reply to your actual question please don't send your daughter to a sleepover she doesn't want to go to! I am sure you won't!

But surely you could send a text saying actually we are very busy this holidays, I'll have to get in touch some other time.

Hopefully that is diplomatic enough to let her down gently but you are also lettting the mother and child know that it isn't going to happen at least for the foreseeable future.

FWIW I know what you mean and I find you just have to say no. A lot!

My concern would be for your daughtet when she falls out of favour - this adulation might not last forever

Cut her hair short. Children are vain at that age.

I wouldn't make your DD go on playdates she doesn;t want to, and I would maybe limit them a bit - you can always say to other mums that she's already been out a couple of times this week and wants some home time.

My two (now adult) were very different socially - and thats more how I would descirbe it - social difference, rather than popularity.
My DS was what would be called a very 'popular' boy especially in high school, he is a friendly outgoing person and he is funny and talks easily to others then and now. he has a lot of friends, but he also tends to kind of drift through friendships - none of them are what I would call exceptionally close.
My DD on the other hand has less friends, she is quieter less outgoing, she was always happy to do stuff by herself, would happily go on trips even if she didn;t know any of the other kids (DS would only go if friends were going) but the friends she has, she has kept and is very close to - so she has friend from high school and uni that she is in constsnt contact with and they go on holiday together etc.

Different types of interaction suit different people I guess.

Neither of my kids has been invited on expensive holiday abriad though - so clearly DS was not top flight popularity more days out and sleepovers. And it did mean we had a lot of his friends staying over at our house - but that's never bothered me, when they get to teenage years they often have lovely friends who are a pleasure to have around - I still keep in touch with some of them.

There aren't many playdates going on at dds school. I do notice they've calmed right down as the children aged and do lots of after school activities. It can be incredibly annoying. If you haven't already, I would have the less socially adept child over even if it makes you tear your hair out. You never know, it may turn out well.

And yes I have noticed this thread is a couple of months old.

Dd is pretty popular these days and at the end of last term, one of her friends devised a rota of who she'd play at lunchtime. This came about only because 2 children didn't get on (x and y). So Monday it was x, tues y, weds x, thurs y and fri dds choice. Hilarious. I knew nothing of it until her friend let slip that the teachers had put a stop to it.

I'm glad dd is a nice, inclusive friend. She didn't know how to handle the friends not getting along. It was a good idea though really. And I'm proud she plays with the less popular children as well as not playing with the mean girls.

Not a stealth boast btw. Dd went to x's party last weekend and the girls - party girl plus 4 others - ganged up on her. X blows hot and cold on her and there was a girl there, who used to be dds bestie but has been cruel to dd after something was said to her by her mother about dd. Dd ended up in tears apparently and the parent was nowhere to be seen. She's 9 so many of them have yet to develop empathy.

Anyway, great that we will be looking forward to all expense paid holidays for dd as she grows up . Now off to convince her she wants to go to the private secondary .

Sounds like neotherbof you know how to say no.

She flits tonplease others.

She's not helping herself

Neither of you

Oh boy, do I have stories for you OP!
You have to tread very carefully. Some moms can be extremely sensitive about DD being turned down for a playdate. I had a falling out with a mom who simply could not believe that my then 7 yo DD2 did not want to have a sleepover with her dd every single weekend! DD2 and this friend were in the same class at school. I took that mom's side for as long as I could by "energetically encouraging" DD2 to go. I finally stopped being so pushy only after learning that DD2 had gone to her school principal and asked to be reassigned to another classroom -- away from the friend!
So, don't be like me. Don't "promise" your dd to a "bff". Let all of her friends be just friends. Don't do sleepovers other than for special occasions like bdays. In the time it takes to do one sleepover, she could have 3 playdates, with 3 different kids!