Being latched onto abroad! NOW

[Poisongirl81]

Help! We don't want to appear rude but we are in Spain with my toddler and another couple have latched onto us for a week now...they have 3 dc and are different ages to ours 🙂 today we got up early to put towels down but they spotted us and so sad next to us...again! We can't move our towels now as it would be rude. We just want to chill and read but they talk all day mainly at us!

MIL can never get her head around why we book private villas rather than a resort for less money.

Because we are naturally quite anti social introverted, we live in a busy city and DH works away a lot so when we're on holiday we don't want to spend time together as a family and not bother with other people.

MIL on the other hand, never returns from holidays without making new best friends. I have a feeling that people spend their holidays avoiding her!

My dad has bilateral cochlear implants and has perfected this. If they have a latcher on hanging around then dad pretends his implants are playing up and does the "daft deaf old man" impression. He has to keep turning to mum for her to mouth to him what someone is saying, then pretends not to understand then replies by shouting. I have seen him doing its and its very entertaining, it puts off even the most hard core latchers on :o

They have made friends on holiday but only with peoplewho are like them, who will chat in the evening over drinks or at dinner if they happen to see them but dont want to spend every single bloody minute together.

We are giving off huge hints though saying NO we are reading...they asked before what we were doing when kids club was on we said just relaxing we are tired. But now they are using him as a bloody photographer.

Do want to spend time as a family.

FFS sausage fingers!

They know we are going soon so the guy today has been actively trying to talk to new people all around us

Now, you see your DH had no need to go along with them on that - put him on the spot? Just say no thanks, I'm off back to hotel room for something or etc. Now they'll just have been encouraged to hang round you a little more.

Take the female aside and divulge that you have some marriage problems atm. You'd appreciate the time alone to sort things out
Promise it'll work

Hate it when this happens, if we feel someone is latching into us, we tend to just keep our heads down when we can!

Could you just say something like 'we've had a lovely time but our holiday is almost over and we'd like to spend some quality family time before we go back, I'm sure you understand '

Sorry guys, I'm taking dh to lunch alone. Bye!

Why are you letting them ruin your holiday?

We are giving off huge hints though saying NO we are reading

I'm sorry but am I the only one who thinks this is pathetic?! Just speak to them like EVERYONE on this thread is advising you to rather than moaning about them on MN.

You let them split you up on your last day of holiday?!

What is going on.

You need to be waaaaaaay more assertive. It's your bloody holiday!

I'd have gone for this approach:

PocketNiffler Thu 29-Jun-17 10:04:11
In a similar situation when I was a child, my brother told the kids that my dad was a serial killer.

I'm another one who thought about breastfeeding on holiday and it's nearly ten years since I breastfed my last!

This would drive me insane. DH and I are (undiagnosed) Aspies, with two Aspie children. We can be sociable when we are in the mood but when we are on holiday we just want to be alone.

Lock the doors .

We got latched onto twice as a couple. Now DP is forbidden from talking to strangers abroad. He knows it's for his own good. My holiday is for us to reconnect as a family and a couple.

My aunt is a 'collector' on holidays - she loves nothing better than to go with a huge group of people and meeting new couples. She relaxes by chatting to various folk. I could think of nothing worse I just want to read and do what I like.

You need to just be firm - polite and firm: " It was nice to meet you but I'm finding it very intrusive on our holiday that you are tying to tag along with us all the time. I came here to spend time with DH as we are very busy at home and this is when we get to spend some rare time together. We don't want to be your entertainers on holiday Please stop following us around"

Nothing in that statement is rude tbh. And certainly not any ruder than what they've been doing to you. And you'll never see them again so let them off.

Oh come on! There's a happy medium between literally saying "Fuck off" as some have suggested and both being complete passive doormats! Good grief.

I can't imagine being as rude as some as you are suggesting! How about some diplomacy?

I would be pro-active; don't just wait for them to come and find you on your sunbeds or whatever, one of you go and find them in the morning and say "Hey, I just wanted to come and say it was nice meeting you - we're going to try and have some quiet time by ourselves before we leave, so might not see you again to say goodbye. Do we have your email address? Great! Enjoy the rest of your holiday, bye!"

OP why can't you be honest? Being a 'non-confrontational person' is really not a reason to be lying to them about how you really feel about their company.

Social duplicitousness is really why you're here in the first place, so maybe change tack. Be brave, honest, and kind to these people, rather than exercising your superior moral and social skills by sniggering on here about their tactless socially inept behaviour.

There's a happy medium between literally saying "Fuck off" as some have suggested and both being complete passive doormats!

Exactly. Don't tell anyone to fuck off, but don't rely on what you think are massively obvious hints. Take charge and deal with it in a diplomatic, assertive, adult way.

Just be blunt, you'll never see them again so YOLO

Stop hinting and start telling!

'No thank you, we just fancy a bit of time alone'. Repeat as necessary.

They know we are going soon so the guy today has been actively trying to talk to new people all around us

Surely this should give you slightly more of a backbone in asserting yourself? It's not that they see you as kindred spirits and imagine you spending holidays and Christmases together singing carols for the rest of your lives, they're just incapable of spending time as a couple, and just go about latching on to anyone in the vicinity -- they're already looking out for replacements.

But you've clearly made your decision, which is to drop what you consider 'enormous hints', but which clearly aren't working. You are annoyed enough about this to post on Mn about it from your sunlounger, but not annoyed enough to do anything assertive enough to put a stop to it?

Not that it isn't highly entertaining (though it would be a lot funnier if you admitted that you were in fact posting from suburban Nottingham, and this scenario was to make you feel better about not having a holiday this year , but still!

Gordon Bennett, woman! You and your DH both need to work on your assertiveness skills: you're being completely walked over.

I think the problem is that the OP and her husband equate being assertive with being rude and they're not the same thing AT ALL.