To think 33 minutes (driving) is too far for DS's extra curricular activity?

[Allieson]

DS really wants to start ice skating. The closest to us is 33 minutes away (by car) he doesn't do anything else so I'm undecided. He's 10 so old enough for it to not be a spur of the moment thing (he has been asking for a couple of years ).

It's only for an hour lesson! AIBU to think the travelling to and back shouldn't be longer than the actual thing itself!? So WIBU to say no?

I admit that I could take him (I work part time but off on that day).

Yabu. Our daily commute to school is 30 mins!

I'd take him, he wants to try and so should be given the opportunity. It's no fun growing up in a household where adults come first as been there done that.

Isn't the point of part time work to have the time with the chidren going things?

I don't get the issue at all.

Just to reiterate everyone else's comments - yes, unless you genuinely can't afford it I think you should do it. We have driven much, much further distances to support our DS's hobbies and interests (and been bored stiff having to watch some obscure sport ) but now he is a teenager with a really interesting & absorbing hobby that will hopefully stay with him for life and introduce him to opportunities, friends, travel etc that he might otherwise have missed out on.

Thirty minutes is nothing. Those times in the car are also when some of the best conversations happen, ime.

He's 10. In a year, maybe 2, he'll be at secondary school, at which point it gets increasingly hard to motivate some kids to be active, or even to try new things.

It's your job to encourage his curiosity and enthusiasm now.

Also, in a year or 2, if he continues skating, you may find half an hour in the car, when he can't escape off to hos room, becomes precious bonding and chatting time. The car is often the place that teenagers chat best. No escape but no eye contact.

What underlying message do you think your son has heard in two years of you saying no to this? I still remember the things my mum thought weren't 'worth it', the message I heard was 'you're not really worth it. I have better thins to do than prioritise you.'

Take him! 33mins is nothing. Mine do gymnastics.. 45 mins each way walk/bus/walk repeat. Two different days a week.
They do swimming do, same journey as above, 3/4 times a week.
I work part time and don't drive.

I chuckled at your OP.
A close relative of mine lived in London and when she stayed she was aghast that the 'local' toddler group was 20 mins drive away.

I would think nothing of driving for 30 mins to an activity. But I would want it to be at least an hours activity, and I'd try to tag on a grocery shop or something to justify the fuel.

Everything in towns and cities seems so close. We live in rural countryside.
I get excited when I stay somewhere that gets take away food delivery!

I think it's all relative. Are you in an urban area?

Yabu.
Your off that day and you don't even work full time.
Two hours out your week for your son.
This is what happens when your a parent. You put your kids first

Surely you need to balance out the benefits of the activity for your DS with the inconvenience for you.

When my DS was around that age he became obsessed with another specialist sport which could only be done in certain venues, and had long waiting lists. It was a 45 minute drive each way for a 1-hour lesson on a Monday after school and I hated going.

But DS loved it, it turned out he was quite good at it, and the boost to his confidence as a result was huge. While he didn't persist with that sport, he did develop in another one which he now plays at County level. he had never been much good at sport before and I credit those Monday evenings with being the trigger that let him see himself as an athlete.

OP. When my DDs did ice skating they had a lesson an a Saturday morning and could then stay and free skate for as long as they wanted afterwards. So instead of it being 50mins each way for an hour, it was 50mins each way but for around 3 hours of activity. I also made it more time effective by DD2 having lessons even though we were doing it mainly for DD1.

Could you combine lesson with free skate afterwards?

Ice-skating is a useful life skill to have

It's probably in the "making sushi, speaking Danish and playing the trombone category" in fairness! .

I think you've had a bit of a pasting, OP. FWIW, kids these days (including my own) seem to do so many "activities" that it can be to their detriment, as they never (or rarely) have the challenge of learning to amuse themselves creatively and they don't have the same time to read that we had. That said, there are huge benefits to finding a hobby that you love. So - if he doesn't do anything else, and there won't be a huge impact on another sibling in the family, then I would say you should suck it up and give it a go while he's so enthusiastic.

The other thing to consider is that the exact time itself isn't that important. You seem to have a slightly arbitrary cutoff. Once you have to get the car out and do more than nip down the road, is 33 minutes that much more of a big deal than 20 minutes?

Definitely take him ! You have no reason not to apart from really can't be bothered. It may turn out to be his passion or it may not but give him the opportunity to discover that.

If he does not do anything else, I would

Take him

I drive my dd 30 mins each way for a 45 minute gymnastic session. I meet her from school with a pack up sandwich and fruit which she eats on the way. We live in the middle of a field so pretty much everything is at least 30 minutes away! The journey time is usually a positive time where we chat but if she's in a grump after school it also gives her time to relax and get excited about gymnastics. Especially as he doesn't do anything else I would take him.

Half an hour is nothing at all for an activity a child really wants to do. We drive about an hour each way to DDs swim club so that she can swim competitively. It's not ideal, but she enjoys it.

He will feel valued if you give it a go. Might fizzle out after a while, might be a passion - but you saying yes will be life changing anyway, because it shows him he is listened to, can pursue an independent idea, is worth it, and get him into participating in clubs.

Unless there's a reason other than that you can't be bothered, you should take him

I think you should take him. If you don't, then will you potter about at home while he sits looking at a screen?

I'd take him. My drive to nursery is half hour away. 30 minutes is nothing and you're off on that day. Get your lazy ass on the car! You never know, he could be the next Christopher Dean!!

When I was a child my school was further away than that (although I got the bus). This meant almost all of my extra curricular stuff, except Guides, was at the same distance. Dad used to take me to swimming on Saturdays both ways AND pick up from youth club on Thursdays, as well as any after school things I was involved with.

Since he does no activities and this is the only one he wants to do, I think yabu.

A drive like that every day and I would agree.

All those saying kids do too much - that may well apply to most kids and it may be too much for them to add skating. However in this instance he does nothing else. A 10 year old boy needs to be active and try new hobbies outside of school. It doesn't need to be ice skating but if that is the only thing he is interested in then that is the best option. However I would also be encouraging him to try at least another hobby too whether cubs or a sport for self esteem, health and getting used to meeting new people in preparation for secondary school.

You've said it's on your day off so why not? I've never learnt to drive so everything DS wanted to do we walked or used public transport - one particular club was in South London & we're in North, over an hour on 2 trains. But he's my only child so it's easier to plan things and not have to worry about other DC. If the only thing is the travelling time I'd still say do it.