To tell people I'm pregnant?

[sureitsgrand]

I have a history of miscarriages, and even when I have kept quiet about being pregnant in the past my in laws have guessed (if I'm quieter than usual getting early nights, not drinking etc) and told all their extended family anyway. They then on one occasion forgot to tell some people I'd lost the baby which led to a few awkward conversations when we hadn't seen people for a while, asking had we had the baby etc.
So this time, as we saw a heartbeat at 7 weeks and I hate the not telling part, so we told close family and friends then and I felt great being open instead of people guessing. I'm 10 weeks now and all is going well so far.
However, DH aunt (very big figure in the family) has been now telling people how shocked she is at us for telling people so early.
Am I meant to hide in shame in case I have another miscarriage? I just thought it best to be open this time, now feeling stupid.
I don't want to rant to DH as his family have a history of not being suppportive of us, so it upsets him. But I'm fuming. Hoping it's hormones and I will calm down by tomorrow and be back to my not caring what people think attitude which I was rather enjoying till this!

Sorry, I just realised how long this is with no paragraphs....aaaand breathe!

They all sound delightful!

Tell people when you want to tell them. Your PIL shouldn't have been telling everyone when you weren't ready to share it yet. The Aunt should keep her nose out.

Congratulations by the way.

Thanks.
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, they are the kind of people you can't do right for doing wrong with!

Well, just ignore them and do what you want to do. You will never please everyone.

I might be inclined to call up the Aunt and politely but pointedly ask what her concerns are.

However I also wouldn't be very leased with whoever shared her gossiping with you - surely a little discretion would have been better?

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Wonderful news and I'm so sorry for your losses .

It's entirely up to you and fuck all to do with anyone else. It's your news to share as and when you and DH feel comfortable. Ignore her!

As someone with several losses under my belt I don't know how we'll feel about sharing news of (hopefully) future pregnancies but most people have been so kind when I've had mcs I've been glad of the support. Like you, people have guessed rather than been told. It's certainly been easier telling them they were right and it's gone wrong, rather than starting from scratch with I was pregnant and now I'm not.

Wishing a healthy, peaceful, completely uneventful rest of your pregnant and a squidgy gorgeous baby.

After suffering g a mmc at 13 weeks I told people when I fell pregnant again because I found having to tell people that there was a baby, but it had died, too horrific. You are not going to jinx your pregnancy by telling people. The aunt was incredibly rude. We need to be more open about mc. It is horrific and both parents need support when it happens. Congratulations on your pregnancy, ignore everyone else and enjoy your lovely news.

If it makes you feel any better, I'm not pregnant, but have an irrational desire to find the aunt and kick her in the shin.

whatsername Me too.

Thank you all, starting to exhale a bit reading such nice replies! The aunt would love if someone said something to her, so she could have a good argument, so best not to give her the pleasure.
I'd love to kick her in the shin too though
It was a mmc at 11 weeks the last time and yes, far too horrific to have to explain again if things go wrong.

My first pregnancy needed in a mmc at 11 weeks. We had only told close family and friends. and never really mentioned it to anyone else.

With DD we told close family and friends very soon, once we found out actually as we figured if something went wrong we would talk about it with them anyway.

Now 14 weeks pregnant and have told everyone by about 8 weeks.

You can't jinx things and it's nice to have some support. Ignore everyone and do what makes you comfortable.

I've been pregnant three times, first one was a miscarriage at 10 weeks and it didn't change our policy of telling people as and when it came up. It's totally up to you. and it's totally up to anyone else when they choose to tell people. I just find it weird when people make up all sorts of bizarre excuses that they know nobody believes. So you know, they know you know and yet everyone has to play along

Incomplete MC at 8 weeks and MMC at 13 weeks here too. We didn't tell anybody about successful third pregnancy until about 16 weeks, and probably wouldn't have told anyone except close family until the 20 week scan if it had been left up to us.

However DH's aunt, who I had only met once before at DH's DM's funeral, (what is it about these bloody obnoxious aunts?) marched up to me at a cousin's wedding and bellowed "Are you pregnant? Or have you just put a lot of weight on?" And unfortunately once the idea had been put in people's heads it was hard to deny it.

Yes, I've had occasions in the past where I thought no one knew, but everyone did anyway, and then where I've lied and felt silly because I guessed they guessed. Then a month later you are going to announce it anyway!

Gahhh really thought I'd taken that pressure off us this time. I agree not telling doesn't jinx anyone. My last mmc I was a total mess afterwards everyone knew anyway.
I hate the stigma of miscarriage, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
I told my beautician the last time when she asked were we having any more children (I have one ds) that I had recently had a mmc. She broke down crying telling me about her mc that only her parents knew about. She'd told no one and was totally traumatised.

Ps- yes, f**k off nosey, pass remarkable old Aunties!!

It's up to you and what you feel comfortable with. Both times I told people really, really early - at about 6-7 weeks. But that was because I was so incredibly sick that I'd have had to lie about the never-ending 'tummy bug' that I didn't have.I knew there was a risk if things went wrong, just chose what felt easiest for me. Having had miscarriages complicates it, but you have to go with your instinct.

It's a personal choice for you and your partner to make.

If you're comfortable telling people then it's really nobody else's business.

On a personal note, I'm a bit sad that babies I lost were never acknowledged as they were early losses and I hadn't told anyone I was pregnant. They were still my babies. If I fell pregnant again, I think I'd just tell my nearest and dearest early on as I'd appreciate their support if I did miscarry.

If you see a heartbeat on ultrasound, you have a 98% chance of taking home a live baby at the end of your pregnancy. I think it's just fine to announce, even for someone exercising caution!

Congratulations 💐💐 enjoy it. Don't waste your precious time on useless relatives

It's up to you when you tell people.

And who's the family stirrer that's spread what your husbands aunt has said to others, possibly in confidence, back to you? That's bloody mean on both you and the aunt.

Rise above the opinions of others but nip sh1t stirring in the bud I say.

I also have previous miscarriage "experience" and, like you, have seen a baby with a heartbeat on a scan. At 9 weeks I think I would now like to tell even just parents, but also a little apprehensive that I might get the response you have had from your aunt. I'm going to sleep on it tonight and maybe tell at the weekend.

I'd send the aunt to see me if I were you- I apparently have a brilliant knack of speaking to relatives in such a way that they never want to look at you again never mind speak to you
Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I has a missed miscarriage in March and I've gone from not wanting anyone to know to wanting to tell everyone about it. Why are miscarriages so stigmatised. If someone you knew had died you'd have the support and understanding of your friends and family, but no we're supposed to hide pregnancy until we are more certain of its outcome just in case you miscarry.

Your aunt needs to butt out and you are entitled to tell anyone you want whenever you want. If we all talked about it we wouldn't feel so isolated and such like failures when it happens to us.

Urgh! Joining the kicking Aunt in the shin team

I didnt tell anyone when i was PG until i really had to BUT that is because I am massively private & wouldnt have discussed a MC either. Personal choice & i hate how MC is hush hush.

Congratulations & hoping for a super sticky bean & a happy healthy 9 months

Thanks everyone. Woke up feeling a bit better about it and really pleased I managed not to tell DH. He doesn't get on with the Aunty and would definitely have said something and she'd keep it going then.
Dignified silence while dreaming of shin kicking all the way!
Thanks for sharing your stories and sorry for everyones losses. Miscarriages are shit.